


we're on each other's team

by antpelts



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (nothing too heavy but richs dad gets mentioned eventually), Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Trans Michael Mell, Trans Rich Goranski, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Weed mention, alcohol mention, i want this to be slow(ish)burn well see, you cant stop me, you know what why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: In a perfect world Jeremy would have gone back to normal and Michael would be happy, the world wasn't perfect. Jeremy had a new girlfriend and of course he would never be the same but it just didn't feel like he was trying. Enter Rich, the unexpected new friend to Michael. It just seemed to happen, it was easy. He didn't expect Michael's forgiveness in ways that Jeremy did - in a way that made it easier.
Relationships: Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Comments: 67
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> edit: i rewrote ch one so if you read it already check it out if u see this <3

The winter holiday was a good time to decompress, everyone was home from the hospital to Michael’s knowledge - or at least coherent enough to begin texting and socializing again. Much to his discomfort he’d been added to a group chat (the name seemed to change almost daily, currently called _“silly billy club”_ and Michael didn’t care to scroll up and see why) composed of him, Jeremy, Jake, Christine, and Rich. There was another group that included more people, like Brooke and Chloe, but Michael muted it the second he was added, there were just too many people in it for him to handle. It wasn’t everyday that someone could go from one friend, to no friends, to being part of the _popular crowd_. Of course it was overwhelming, two weeks wasn’t enough time for Michael to spontaneously become an extrovert. Just skimming the group chats was enough for his social battery to take a hit.

Regardless, he ignored the group chat in favor of direct texts and scrolled through his alerts. Jeremy was trying to reach him, he’d texted him an hour ago. With that Michael winced a bit - he had just finished getting ready post-waking up and it was inching past one. He needed to get his schedule in order. And.. he needed to text Jeremy. Even if the thought made his chest a bit tight.

 **jeremy (11:35 am):** hey dude !  
 **jeremy (12:14 pm):** christines visiting family and im boreddd wanna play games?

Michael couldn’t help but cringe a bit, he was sure Jeremy didn’t mean it (of course he didn’t _mean_ a lot of things) but he couldn’t help but feel demoted. Why couldn’t they play games even when his girlfriend wasn’t tied up in family plans? It wasn’t like he expected to be Jeremy’s ‘ _favorite person_ ’ forever it really stung to see that his reassurance ended up meaning next to nothing.

 **michael (1:20 pm):** shit lmaoo slept in :/  
 **michael (1:20 pm):** dunno man was supposed to clean the basement today since we have ~family coming~ this week  
 **michael (1:21 pm):** as if theyll even come down here!

In a way he couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty, while it wasn’t a complete lie it still wasn’t the complete truth. Six months ago he would have never believed that he would want to avoid Jeremy - but maybe he deserved a little revenge, his own version of optic nerve blocking (though less extreme). No matter how bad it got he knew that he wouldn’t be able to completely shut him out, he knew Jeremy far too well. They all had their problems, their demons, and when push came to shove Michael wouldn’t ask Jeremy to face it without him. 

Sure, he had Christine but she didn’t always _get_ it. When you know someone for over a decade you develop a connection, you learn how to bring them down from a panic attack, you learn what to say when their mom walks out. Michael would never know to what extent Jeremy understood what the squip had been doing to him, he only hoped that Jeremy had less control of himself than he thought. Though he knew that he fully had control of only texting when his girlfriend was busy. For his sake he just tried to forget about the entirety of first semester.

Jeremy wasn’t the only one who’d texted him which caught him a bit off guard. Buried between twitter notifications for game releases was another text - from Rich.

It was strange, aside from his moms and Jeremy (maybe occasionally Christine), he didn’t really get texts.. and while he wanted to be surprised he couldn’t be overly so. He remembered what he’d overheard in the hospital, he’d assumed it was just a joke, of course he did. Why would Rich be asking if he was single? But.. how could it be a joke if it was asked so quietly while he was operating under the mindset that Michael was unable to hear? Maybe Rich _did_ give a shit about him.

 **rich (4:36 am):** yo bitch  
 **rich (4:45 am):** (i didnt mean bitch in a mean way sorry)

A genuine laugh brushed past Michael’s lips and he tore his gaze away from his phone for a second, surprising himself. It was strange to be excited to read the texts of someone who had made comments about you behind your back.. wasn’t it? Though, part of him reasoned that it wasn’t Rich, he’d seen it first hand with Jeremy - it made them someone else (he wanted to believe it took _complete_ control, changing _everything_ about them). Maybe there was also a bit of sympathy as well, he didn’t know much about Rich but what he did know wasn’t great. No one sets a fire and tries to stay in the burning house for no reason.

If anything he supposed that he should give him the benefit of the doubt because it wasn’t like he was perfect either. While it may not have been as direct as Rich was to him occasionally he had shamelessly taken part in spreading the story of the fire. It still ate at him a bit, there had been so much blatant misinformation and if Rich wasn’t drunk or high.. then there was something bigger going on. The least he could do was to answer the texts he supposed.

 **rich (4:57 am):** sorry if u dont want me to text u i guess i forgot i was an asshole to u  
 **rich (4:57 am):** but !  
 **rich (5:08 am):** i wanted to ask what games u play bc jake wont play games w me (also im scared to ask i know he said he forgives me but ya kno)  
 **rich (5:09 am):** and heere like only talks abt christine like dude we get it why cant we just talk about anything else in the gc  
 **rich (5:16 am):** sorry i kno hes ur bff or whatev  
 **rich (6:14 am):** i am sorry for being an asshole even if it wasnt rlly fully me it was my body and voice?? so i am  
 **rich (6:15 am):** sorry that is

Reading the texts was like constantly getting whiplash, but in a good way. In his mind Rich didn’t necessarily owe him anything, maybe he should but Michael didn’t have it in him to be too mad. Besides, it helped that he’d seen Rich in the hospital - a byproduct of visiting Jeremy. They hadn’t spoken much but Rich really was a different person without the squip.

Without the squip he gave a shit - or he seemed to - but ever since Halloween he’d had enough time to be down on himself, expecting that no one else would care about his well being.

In fact, the idea was sort of perpetuated by Jeremy, sure he’d apologized but it was pretty weak and his behavior didn’t particularly change. It was all ‘I’m sorry Micah, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, I care about you’ followed up by not responding to his texts for two days and spending all his time with Christine. He tried not to take it personally.

 **rich (6:35 am):** i assumed u of all ppl would be up at horrible hours of the night ://////  
 **rich (6:37 am):** cmon headphones ur leavin me hanging  
 **rich (6:37 am):** sorry  
 **rich (6:38 am):** michael  
 **rich (7:20 am):** sorry feel free to block my number ://  
 **rich (7:21 am)** : unless u DO wanna play games

In fact, it seemed like Rich was experiencing more self-growth and reflection in one night than Jeremy had in the few weeks since.. the incident. Michael wasn’t entirely surprised though, while Jeremy stood by the fact that he didn’t remember Rich freshman year Michael wasn’t sure he believed it. It wasn’t like they were friends or anything, but when you were a quiet kid in the back of the class you tended to notice the other quiet kid. Plus, he’d always carried a small amount of sympathy for Rich ever since he’d watched him stutter through a class presentation trying to hide his lisp. _That_ was the Rich he was getting texts from now, though now he was a bit older, a bit more outspoken.

The further he drifted from Jeremy the less he believed that he just ‘didn’t remember’ Rich. Maybe Jeremy was kind of an asshole himself and had no problem shutting out the small kid with the lisp. Or maybe Michael really was just the only person who noticed Rich. Maybe if he hadn’t been so into Jeremy for the first two years of high school things would have been different.

The train of thought was cut off instantly and Michael shook his head a bit, opting to just breeze past the idea.

 **michael (1:43 pm):** well i have a n64 if you wanna go more old school  
 **michael (1:43 pm):** but i also have a ps4 from last christmas tho i dont really have a lot of games  
 **michael (1:45 pm):** i have some more games on the switch tho because nintendo  
 **michael (1:47 pm):** (dont even get me started on jer lately ugh)

As soon as he sent it he wasn’t really sure what had urged him to open up like that, to Rich of all people. Maybe he saw something similar in them. Maybe Rich did care, because who sends that many texts to someone before the sun’s even up? Either way, he said it.

 **rich (1:55 pm):** oh hell yea u didnt block me!  
 **rich (1:55 pm):** omfggg yes pls tell me i can kick ur ass in mario kart??  
 **rich (1:56 pm):** not to shit talk heere bc hes ur friend and all but YEA  
 **rich (1:57 pm):** i mean im sure u kno more than me but like even reading the group chat and his snap story like he literally ignores everything for christine  
 **rich (1:58 pm):** i guess good for them but dude   
**rich (1:58 pm):** dont make ur relationship ur whole personality   
**rich (1:59 pm):** especially after fucking u over now he spends every day with her  
 **rich (2:05 pm):** sorry i didnt mean to overstep maybe he does spend time with u  
 **rich (2:06 pm):** double sorry that i kno some of ur personal shit w him he told me a little in the hospital and also stuff spreads  
 **rich (2:08 pm):** ughhhhh whyd i do that

It was jarring in a way, seeing this side of Rich. He would never be back to who he was before, but he really seemed like he was doing a lot better. In ways Michael could relate to him more than Jeremy now - strangely. They both seemed to talk a lot given the opportunity, maybe tripping over a few social cues on the way there. Besides, Rich actually was having a conversation with him. Jeremy hadn’t given him so much as an ‘okay’ since he’d answered his texts. It stung a bit to think about.

 **michael (2:10 pm):** its whatever i know stuff spreads  
 **michael (2:10 pm):** i was buying into some of the fire rumors so were even on getting into each others business?  
 **michael (2:11 pm):** thanks tho for giving a shit and not giving him a pass on it even if it wasnt all his fault  
 **michael (2:11 pm):** christine tried to text me the other day about forgiving him as if he doesnt have to earn it  
 **michael (2:12 pm):** she was nice about it though i dont blame her  
 **rich (2:12 pm):** yea were cool  
 **rich (2:13 pm):** he doesnt have to be a bitch abt it ://  
 **rich (2:13 pm):** sorry trying to not call ppl mean things as much  
 **rich (2:15 pm):** what im tryna say is that if i can try and be better so can he but christine is too nice to tell him that  
 **rich (2:16 pm):** we ALL have issues just bc he is going thru stuff doesnt mean he gets a pass  
 **michael (2:17 pm):** wanna come over and play mario kart?

Something about it felt right and soon enough he was in his car and heading to pick Rich up. It was almost funny how close he lived, maybe a ten minute walk if he was slow. It was freezing though, and Michael wasn’t about to make him walk through the snow after inviting him over. Besides, he was a bit curious about what his house looked like, every small detail interested Michael - he hadn’t really made a _new_ friend since grade school. Though, when he arrived Rich was standing in the driveway, while it seemed weird to wait outside Michael didn’t question it. 

The house looked dark but he couldn’t stare for long because Rich was climbing into his passenger seat and mumbling at him to drive. He gave in easily, he didn’t want to pry too hard especially considering he’d heard some undesirable things about Rich’s home life. While they could have been rumors it just didn’t feel right to ask so instead of opening his mouth he just let his gaze drift to Rich. Suburb back roads weren’t too threatening and it made it easy for Michael to survey him a bit. 

The last time he’d seen Rich was in the hospital just over a week prior. Before that it was probably the fire, he hadn’t fully been _there_ , coming down from his panic attack. His mind was set on one track and he’d gotten in his car and gone straight home, too numb to process much of anything. On his way he’d seen Rich, though, across the room as he pushed through the sea of people. The last thing he saw as he made it out the front door was Rich disappearing up the stairs. He didn’t want to think about what came next.

“Okay, plea..” Rich bit his tongue and trailed off a bit, drawing Michael from his thoughts. “ _Please_ tell me you’re really bad at Mario Kart _so_ I have a _shot_ at winning.”

“I thought you said you were gonna kick my ass? You scared of my video game prowess?”

 **jeremy (2:30 pm):** lol thought you were cleaning why are you online?

Rich had a way of taking up space that just drew attention towards him, it was easy for Michael to set his phone aside as they started a game of Mario Kart. He was also loud, which Michael guessed he should have seen coming. Not only had he seen Rich in the hospital, but the way he typed in texts had its own loudness to it - he was just glad his moms were working for the day. He and Jeremy had always been relatively quiet, sure they were excitable, but Jeremy was always a polite sort of quiet at his house. He had no idea how his moms would react to everything that Rich was.. but he couldn’t help but enjoy it.

 **michael (2:45 pm):** haha yeahhh   
**michael (2:46 pm):** i need a breather gotta kick back with some mk8

“Jeremy?” Rich’s voice caught him off guard, there had been a lull as he picked over the setup of his kart where Michael turned to respond to the text, for a second forgetting Rich was there. He was so used to only having Jeremy that texting him put him back in that mindspace, his brain taking a shortcut to tell him he was alone. Honestly, he found it comforting in a way, not needing to rely on Jeremy for company.

“Oh, yeah. I kinda told him I was busy and he saw me get online. Just told him I’m taking a break.” He shifted in his beanbag chair to face the tv and pressed select to bring them to the track picking screen.

“You didn’t tell him we were hanging out?” Michael couldn’t tell if there was a bit of hurt there, it seemed mostly curious.

“He told me Christine was busy and asked me to hang out before I saw your texts. Which obviously kinda pissed me off, to be his second choice after like.. over a decade of friendship.” He paused, since when did he go spilling his feelings to anyone, let alone Rich? He was watching him now, with his controller lowered, all attention was on him. “So I just told him I had to clean.. which I should but I told him I had to.. so I could have an excuse to blow him off. But he opened with the fact that Christine was busy and I just kinda got mad.”

“Damn.” Rich slumped back into his beanbag, gaze dropping and focusing on the rug lying underneath them. “That.. I yeah. Don’t blame you.”

 **jeremy (2:56 pm):** haha i get that  
 **jeremy (2:56 pm):** well if you finish cleaning today maybe we can play tomorrow or i could come over tonight :p  
 **jeremy (2:58 pm):** christine cant call tonight sooo ill probably be bored i could stay over its been a while!

Michael’s attention was drawn from the screen as his phone lit up, he couldn’t help it as his focus shifted and he read the messages. On screen he’d come to a stop and ran his kart straight into a wall, quickly being overtaken by Rich and the CPUs.

“Uh, Mell?” Rich’s gaze stayed locked onto the screen until he passed the finish line, then he allowed himself to look away and saw Michael staring at his phone. His expression seemed unreadable, though Rich was sure he wasn’t good at reading people anyways. “Jeremy again?”

“Shit, huh? Oh, yeah.” The question shook him from the trance he was in and he groaned, sinking into his beanbag as he set his phone against his chest. “He’s all like..well if you finish I can stay over tonight and play games.. but he doesn’t just say that. He has to make sure I know it’s because Christine can’t call him tonight so he’ll be bored. Fuck.”

“Oh.” Rich kept his eyes down, fingers running along the edge of the controller aimlessly. “Maybe we do something more fun, then? To.. like.. _stick_ it to him or _something_.”

Michael shook his head a bit, pressing the home button on his controller in defeat. He turned his attention to his phone again before seeming to give up.

“Like what, though. It’s cold as fuck and it’s like 3 now.. I feel like by the time we get anywhere it’s late.. fuck.” He was spiraling a bit, though he’d never admit it. It just seemed like overkill, like Jeremy knew what he was doing.

“Well why don’t I just _stay_ over! I could.. help you clean? We could like.. bake _something_ ?” Rich sat up straighter, seemingly filled with energy for a second before shrinking back a bit. “ _Shit_ , _sorry_ . I don’t wanna like.. intrude. I don’t have anything to wear to _sleep_..”

There was a brief pause, it was almost as if he could see the anxiety coming off of Rich in waves. He swore he could see him clenching his jaw - it seemed like there was a harsh emphasis on his words, he was particular about how he was pronouncing them. Then it hit him, he was trying to keep control of his lisp.

“Shit, why not man? I.. yeah. It could be fun. You’re being cooler than he’s been in a bit.. not to be weird but like.. You’ve been really cool. Sucks that it took a shitty fuckin’..”

“Yeah.. if..” Rich shook his head a bit and Michael couldn’t help but feel a little bad to bring everything up. It was bad enough that Rich was ready to go down with a burning building, he couldn’t even begin to think of everything that his squip must have done to him. At least he was there now though, not like his Warcraft friend’s brother. He shuddered at the thought. “Well! I’m here now, we can be _friends_ now.”

“Yeah, so.. Does friends mean you’ll actually help me clean?” Michael raised his eyebrows and leaned back, surveying the mess of clothes over his floor. It got a laugh from Rich and he took that as enough of an answer. At least it meant Rich would keep him company while he gathered up his laundry and started dragging it over to his hamper. He paused halfway through, kicking the last of his clothes off the rug under his bean bag chairs before nudging the one Rich was sitting in.

“Gonna vacuum, you can sit on my bed.” It was slightly mumbled and Michael just hoped Rich wouldn’t take it as annoyance - he’d just been doing a lot of talking and needed to rest that battery a bit. Silent company was comfortable and a lot easier sometimes.

“Ooh,” Rich rolled off the bean bag before getting up and heading towards the bed. He threw himself onto it, landing on his stomach. “You don’t need an _excuse_ to get me in your bed.”

A laugh sputtered from Michael and he seemed surprised by the sound, rolling his eyes a bit. Rich’s only response was to prop himself up and laugh, turning his attention to his phone while Michael rolled a vacuum out of his closet. He tried not to think too hard about it. He didn’t bother with most of the ground, avoiding where the last of his laundry was scattered. Instead he mostly focused on the rug and when he finished he crouched down, picking up the mess of games and controllers he’d let build up over the last week.

Once it was presentable he turned his attention to his phone.

 **momma (3:27 pm):** Hey sweetie, running to the store after work. Text me if you need anything. Your mother is going to head right out to your aunt’s after work, she’ll probably stay there overnight and drive her out tomorrow since it’ll be late. So if you want to eat anything special for dinner text me, it’s just us! xo  
 **michael (4:02 pm):** ok momma!  
 **michael (4:04 pm):** i have a friend over tonight (sorry i didnt ask i promise hes cool)  
 **michael (4:04 pm):** could we have pizza tonight?  
 **momma (4:07 pm):** Alright, since you’re mother’s out I’ll cut you some slack. Remember to ask next time. Is Jeremy coming over too?  
 **michael (4:08 pm):** no jer is busy. his name is rich i kinda knew him freshman year but since ive been talking to jers new friends we became friends  
 **momma (4:08 pm):** Okay, sweetie. I’ll see you boys tonight then and you can introduce me. I’ll be home with pizza around 7. xo

“Okay, so I hope you like pizza. My mom is gonna bring some home at like seven. She’s cool with you staying over, so we’re all good.”

Rich raised his gaze from his phone, setting it facedown on Michael’s comforter. He seemed to pause for a moment, Michael took it as him shaking himself from his thoughts - he’d been cleaning for like half an hour.

“You’re the guest so I’ll let you pick the type of pizza.” He opened up his texts again, normally he’d just let his mom pick up a pizza without any fuss but he supposed he could put in a request from Rich. They met gazes for a second and he seemed to pull himself from the slight stupor, pushing himself up to sit.

“ _Stuffed_ _crust_! Are you kidding?” His face split into a grin and he picked his phone back up. With that settled he flopped back down, now on his back rather than his stomach. It was enough to make Michael grin behind his phone screen, for so long he and Jeremy had depended on each other and while he’d been happy for all those years he couldn’t rely on that forever. Seeing Rich relax around him made him feel ecstatic in a way, it was a confirmation that he could be someone separate from ‘Jeremy’s friend’. 

**michael (4:21 pm):** stuffed crust please!! we dont care about the toppings tho thank youuuu

With that he crossed the room, climbing onto his bed and sitting with his back up against the wall. He didn’t know if it was mean to take note of how little space Rich took up on the bed, it wasn’t like he could control his height. In the end he settled on saying nothing.

For a few minutes they sat in silence, both starting to idly scroll on their phones in a quiet understanding. While Michael didn’t mind that Jeremy could keep him talking for hours it was nice to just exist with Rich. While he was _able_ to feign social energy it was good to know that Rich wasn’t going to expect anything crazy from him.

 **rich (4:25 pm):** jake jake jake  
 **rich (4:25 pm):** mell is actually really cool u were right hes so fuckin nice?? hes u levels of nice  
 **jake (4:27 pm):** that’s great rich! i’m glad you’re making a friend!  
 **jake (4:28 pm):** plus if you get through to him maybe we can get him to come to a group thing! everyone really wants him around so it’s great you’re making contact. :)  
 **rich (4:28 pm):** nahhhh hes all mine ;p

After scanning the group chat briefly Michael tossed his phone and it settled next to Rich on the mattress while he slid off the bed. Silently he got back to his laundry, gathering the rest of it up in an armful and shoving it into his nearly overflowing hamper. The whole time Rich watched him, poorly hidden behind his phone screen.

“Hey, Mell.” Rich shifted, sitting up and pressing his back up against the wall, bunching up Michael’s blankets as he moved around. “Can I lowkey _shade_ Jeremy on _snap_?”

“I thought you were trying to be nice?” With all his laundry off the floor he paused, looking over at Rich. While there was a seriousness in his tone a small smile played on his lips at the thought of someone sticking up for him in his own odd way.

“Well, okay. Not like mean. I mean like I _post_ you on my _snap story_ and he _sees us_ hanging out _so_ he _feels_ bad for acting like your free time _belongs_ to him.” There was an edge to his voice that caught Michael’s attention and he tried to force it down to continue. Michael couldn’t help but notice as his tone turned his “s”s harsher, they sounded unusually hard as he fought to keep his lisp back. “I _promise_ it won’t be mean, I’ll just _post something_ funny with you.”

Before he could protest Rich took a picture of him, it was at an odd low angle as Rich slid back down the wall, sinking into Michael’s bed, looking up at him as he approached. In reaching for his phone he gave Rich a tap on the head - not unlike booping a curious dog lightly on the nose.

 **jeremy (4:28 pm):** hey micah!  
 **jeremy (4:36 pm):** you hang out with rich now??

Michael couldn’t say he didn’t see it coming but it still gave him a rush of anxiety. In an attempt to crush said anxiety he set his phone face down on his night stand. He bit his tongue, electing to not say anything to Rich - he hadn’t done it out of malice. His issue lied with Jeremy anyways. The day was already going a bit crazy, all he wanted was to settle down and goof off with Rich.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you read ch 1 when it was first published and youre coming back for ch 2 make sure you check back on ch 1! i edited a few days after posting and reworked it a bit. :^)

In an attempt to push Jeremy to the back of his mind Michael flopped down onto his bed, next to Rich. His legs partially hung off the bed, they were close enough that there was only about an inch between their shoulders. The movement drew Rich’s attention and he closed snapchat, opening YouTube now. It was comfortable - so comfortable it should have scared him. Michael didn’t just make friends, but maybe he could. Of course Jeremy was jealous, he was _changing_ and Jeremy wanted him to stay the same, to forgive him and move on. He didn’t need to have a squip related trauma to change, maybe that also pissed Jer off.

“Hey,” Rich mumbled, shifting so that his shoulder bumped against Michael’s, “I feel like you’d like _this_.”

There was a faint hitch in Michael’s breath and his lips pulled into a crooked grin - that was one of the best things he could hear. To think that someone thought of _him_ made him feel warm. For once he existed beyond Jeremy, and it was _positive_ , Rich thought about him. He would have never thought that having a friend would be so overwhelming. With Jeremy things were mostly stagnant and while he supposed it wasn’t necessarily bad to fall into a rhythm with someone he’d never realized how suffocating Jeremy had been in the months leading up to the squip. You could only listen to your best friend talk about how badly he wanted to be popular and spend all of his time with a girl before it got exhausting. Inadvertently Jeremy had planted the seed that Michael just wasn’t enough, he was just so blinded by his own issues that he couldn’t fathom anyone else _hurting_.

“Hm? What is it?” Attempting to get a better view as Rich held his phone up above them he rolled onto his side. He was one carefully draped arm away from spooning him. 

“Well you know about Jenna _Marbles_ , right?” The more Michael heard Rich talk the more he noticed how he placed a careful emphasis on his words. Before he could think about it too hard he tried to focus on the video that was pulled up. Though he couldn’t help but backtrack to it, as far as he knew Rich had never gone to any speech therapy (not that he _would_ know). With all he’d heard about the squips and seeing how he would all but clench his jaw and grit his jaw as he pushed out a “s” sound.. He didn’t want to think about how the squip had gotten his lisp under control. “Her boyfriend _makes_ like.. cooking _videos_ and he _has_ the _best_ chaotic energy. But! He made one where he makes th.. _sushi_.”

It was subtle but there was a hiccup, a slip. Michael could already see the aftereffect, Rich flinched a bit, fingers tightening around his phone.

“Yeah! Who doesn’t know about Jenna and Julien, I love them.” He spoke quickly and a bit loudly, a silent urge to draw Rich’s attention - to keep him from getting too caught up with the slip. “I haven’t seen this one - honestly it’s probably cheaper to just make sushi, now I wanna try it.”

It worked well enough, Rich’s fingers loosened a bit, his other hand coming up to support the phone above them. Michael thought he heard the whispers of a sigh but he just turned his head and looked up at the screen. It seemed the silence was welcomed by both of the boys, as well as the distraction. Neither of them were quite sure how to broach anything too sensitive around each other. Besides, it was probably insensitive to ask what mental torment Rich went through with regards to his lisp.

 **jeremy (4:56 pm):** micah??  
 **jeremy (5:03 pm):** michael  
 **jeremy (5:03 pm):** you do know rich was the one who convinced me to get the squip right?  
 **jeremy (5:04 pm):** we may have talked a bit in the hospital and he’s alright  
 **jeremy (5:05 pm):** but how can you suddenly be so close with him??? you never invite anyone to your house but me  
 **jeremy (5:05 pm):** are we suddenly forgiving him?

As the video faded off Michael rolled back over onto his back, sitting up to reach out for his phone. He was glad Rich hadn’t followed his lead, instead scrolling through the recommended videos to see if anything else could entertain them. There was a tightness in his throat, part of him wanted to just fold, to fawn over the fact that Jeremy was _jealous_ , to melt at the thought that Jeremy wanted all his attention. Freshman year he would have easily caved in, still under the spell of being head over heels for his best friend - he was different now. He was different and he was _mad_. They may have done everything together for so long but the fact that Jeremy thought that he could dictate who he talked to, who he forgave, was infuriating. It would be a while before Michael could think about seeing them as a _“we”_ again. A strangled noise threatened to escape from his clenched jaw and he bit his tongue to keep from saying anything out loud. This wasn’t something he wanted to drag Rich into.

 **michael (5:07 pm):** youre kidding right  
 **michael (5:07 pm):** please tell me youre joking

In an attempt to seem unbothered by anything Michael scooted back and lowered himself onto the mattress again, though he turned his body more than he had before. There was more space between the boys now and he kept his phone at an angle where a stray glance wouldn’t catch the screen.

“Wanna watch another?” Rich seemed blissfully unaware, turning his phone to show the video he’d selected, a video from Jenna’s channel, this time of her and Julien making Thanksgiving food.

“Oh hell yeah man, do it.”

 **jeremy (5:08 pm):** no?  
 **jeremy (5:08 pm):** i kinda bonded with him. you know. shared trauma. but he still sucked. he WAS an asshole to us for like almost two years  
 **jeremy (5:09 pm):** i thought you’d be mad! being bi now or whatever doesn’t make the whole boyf thing okay  
 **michael (5:10 pm):** i didnt say it did dude  
 **michael (5:11 pm):** but he started texting me and hes NICE  
 **michael (5:12 pm):** in fact he told me he wouldnt care if i blocked him he told me he knew it was shitty even if that stupid tictac got him to do shit he took ownership  
 **michael (5:13 pm):** and what did you tell me?  
 **michael (5:14 pm):** that it was out of control and that youre sorry it happened but not to blame YOU to blame IT  
 **michael (5:14 pm):** so what gives you room to talk  
 **michael (5:15 pm):** we can talk tomorrow  
 **michael (5:15 pm):** unless youre too busy with christine

“ _S_ _ince_ we’re eating pizza tonight I gotta come over again _because_ we totally have to make _something_ together now.” There was a grin on Rich’s face, visible as he tilted his head back and raised his chin a bit. Michael had already tucked his phone into the blankets and for a second he paused in an attempt to process what he’d heard.

“Oh, shit yeah dude. We’re gonna need some Mario Kart rematches anyways.” He shook his head to shake off as much residual anger as he could. “If Jer’s gonna suck so much I’m gonna have way more time on my hands to bother you now that you’ve activated a friendship.”

It got a laugh from Rich, the sound drowning out the video for a moment. The sound was soft in all the ways he tended not to be. Michael watched his eyes crinkle at the corners as his lips pulled up into a grin.

“Not.. not that not spending time with Jeremy is the reason I’m talking to you. That’d be shitty to complain about him and do the same shit.”

“ _Mell_ , I get it. I know what you’re _saying_. _It’s_ like the _same as_ me _starting_ to talk to you _because_ Jake _doesn’t_ game a lot. You get to have more than one friend.” He tilted his head back down to direct his attention back to the video. Michael followed suit, shifting so he was on his back again, scooting until their shoulders brushed. “ _Things_ change, _friendships_ change. And now we get to be _friends_.”

“Thanks.” It was mumbled and could have easily gone unnoticed under the clamor of the video.

* * *

 **momma (6:56 pm):** I’m home sweetie, I picked up a two litre. You can carry the pizza or the soda.  
 **michael (6:57 pm):** coming !

* * *

“Hey, at least it went well.” Michael glanced over his shoulder as they headed down to the basement. Rich shut the door behind them, hopping down the steps two at a time to catch back up. “I didn’t think it wouldn’t go well but.. It’s still nice.”

“I’m _just_ glad that I’m not gonna get kicked out.” He gave a bark of a laugh and slipped past Michael, throwing himself onto the bed. There was an audible huff as he landed on his stomach, knocking the wind out of himself. He took a deep inhale and rolled onto his back, lifting his head enough to see Michael rolling his eyes.

“Here, I’m gonna let you borrow some pants to sleep in,” he headed over to the dresser that was pressed against the far wall. Crouching down he dug through the bottom-most drawer for two pairs of pajama pants. “Because as far as _I’m_ concerned sleeping in jeans is a crime.”

Settling on an older pair of sweatpants he stood back up, tossing them across the room. They landed about a foot from the bed and Rich raised his gaze to where he’d moved to look through his phone. He gave Michael a bemused look before leaning off the bed to grab the pants. As he reached out Michael couldn’t help but pause for a moment to watch his arm - his shoulders were dusted with freckles that spilled down towards his biceps which were filled out enough to make Michael’s face heat up. He told himself he’d only looked because of the burn scars left from the fire that had licked over a good portion of his body. Besides, who wore a tank top in December, even if he’d gotten a ride it was still _cold_.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom, you can either go upstairs or wait.” Around Jeremy he wouldn’t have bothered, but Michael had been hyper aware of the binder digging into his ribs for the last hour. By the time Rich had moved into town for their freshman year the hype around Michael’s coming out had died down (he also tended to fly under the radar which helped). As far as he knew Rich had no clue and he was content to keep it that way. Before waiting for any response he grabbed a pair of pajama pants patterned with some Legend of Zelda design before dipping into the bathroom.

For a moment he stood with his back to the door, taking a few breaths - he had only been without his binder around Jeremy and his moms. He reasoned that he probably didn’t need to worry, while bi people could be transphobic he didn’t think Rich would be - he really seemed genuine. Instead of overthinking it too much he tugged off his hoodie, shirt coming off with it before he grappled with his binder. Despite having been binding for nearly four years he still had a hard time getting out of one, evidenced by it catching on his elbows above his head. Once he was able to slip it off, flinging it down in the process, he grabbed it and wrapped it in his shirt that he’d pulled out from inside his hoodie.

Before he got back into his hoodie he paused, rubbing at his collarbone where his struggling had made it red. Maybe one day he wouldn’t have to worry about wearing it around Rich. 

In a flash of genius Michael decided to start brushing teeth at the same time he started to kick his pants off. In reality this saved no time at all and nearly led to him dropping his toothbrush as he reached down to pull his pajama pants up. You couldn’t win them all.

“Hey, Mell,” as soon as he opened the door back to his room he was met with Rich’s voice. “You got a text from _Christine_ , I didn’t read it - _just saw_ it light up, I _swear_.”

“You’re fine dude,” an attempt to keep the other from overthinking too much - he knew how that was. “Thanks.”

Michael took the phone from Rich’s outstretched hand, noticing his jeans on the floor. At least it seemed like Rich didn’t have any shame at the idea of changing where he could easily walk back into the room. To be trusted was a hell of a drug, it really was a shame that his smile was wiped off his face immediately upon reading the text. The bed creaked under his weight as he placed himself beside Rich.

 **christine (9:44 pm):** hey michael!  
 **christine (9:45 pm):** sorry if this is weird :( but..  
 **christine (9:45 pm):** what’s going on with you and jer?? he’s texting me all upset? did something happen? are you okay?

“Shit man, can I just not have to think about Jeremy for twenty minutes?” Without responding he reached over to set his phone back on the nightstand. He pulled his legs up onto the bed, sitting cross-legged. Before Rich could respond and start asking questions he spoke again, “Hey, have you smoked before?”

“Oh, huh?” Rich sat up, turning his head so that he could face Michael. He scrunched up his face ever so slightly, caught in thought for a moment. “Yeah, like _twice_ maybe? I’m game if you’re offering.”

That was enough for Michael and he leaned over to dig through his nightstand. He didn’t really have any preferred method of getting his.. substances, though he’d been on a kick of rolling joints, so he got to work on one. It wasn’t as pristine as he’d hoped but it would do the job.

“Okay, I’m just gonna make one for now, c’mere.” He patted the bed, scooting over so that Rich could shift closer to him. They had been just as close just a few hours earlier but something felt different. Rich’s gaze was fixed intently on his hands, he fidgeted with his own in his lap. Michael would have laughed at the thought of Rich being nervous a few weeks ago but that wasn’t the same Rich.

Making an executive decision he handed the joint to Rich and pulled out his lighter, one hand went to hold Rich’s steady (though his hand felt less steady as soon as Michael was holding onto it) and the other one flicked on the lighter. Suddenly, ironically, everything seemed to move in slow motion. The look that crossed Rich’s face was nothing short of panic, he tried to pull his hand back (as if he’d been _burned_ ) but Michael was holding onto him too tight.

“Rich?” Michael felt a bit of a panic rising in his own chest, he froze for a second before taking his finger off the lighter, flicking it off. He recoiled a bit, pulling his hand off of Rich’s and as he did so the other promptly dropped the joint. For a second his attention shifted to the idea that Rich was wasting perfectly good weed but he shook it off - it wasn’t the time to be selfish (not with how supportive Rich had been the whole day), besides he wasn’t above smoking a floor joint after Rich left. 

Unsure of what to do he tucked his hands into his lap, linking his fingers and gripping tightly to steady himself, the hard plastic of the lighter pressing into his palms. He’d seen Jeremy have a panic attack before but it was different when there was an established friendship. He had no idea if Rich needed space or comfort, he had no idea how he’d even _go about_ comforting Rich. To touch him would feel like he was crossing some boundary.

“Uh, shit. Can you..can you take a deep breath for me?”

With a wheeze Rich gave a slight nod, his arms wrapped around himself, fingers digging into the flesh of his arms. The look in his eyes was far off but as Michael spoke they seemed to focus on him and with that he took a breath. He struggled to hold it for a few seconds before letting it out in a puff, shoulders slumping.

“It’s alright, you’re alright, okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t know..” There was a pause as Michael swallowed and he reached over to put the lighter on his nightstand before leaning down to pick the joint up off the ground, doing the same. “Just keep breathing for me.”

It took a few minutes of them sitting together in silence for Rich’s breathing to begin to return to normal, the distance between them felt less like an inch and more like a mile - the familiar feeling of helplessness hit Michael, he hadn’t felt it as strongly as this since Halloween. In a way it was kind of funny, no matter how much Jeremy claimed that he and Rich had some connection over a shared trauma Michael could technically say the same. Halloween would never be the same for either of them. Before his thoughts could get too far he reeled them back in, this time when he met Rich’s gaze he looked more coherent, scooting backwards so that he could press his back against the wall while he sat.

“So.. I guess we kinda hit like the third base of friendship?” It was hesitant, Michael wasn’t sure if Rich would be up to joking but he knew what a panic attack was like and the last thing he wanted was for Rich to feel guilty. “I didn’t see Jeremy have a panic attack until like eighth grade.”

Rich’s chest heaved, caught between a laugh and a sob which he stifled with his hand. He shook his head in an attempt to settle himself down - he loosened his grip on his pants where he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. For a moment a silence settled between them again, Michael waited with bated breath, opting to wait for Rich to respond to him finally.

“Fuck.. _Sorry_ , I didn’t think..” he trailed off, shaking his head again. Smoothing his hands over his thighs he lifted his head to briefly meet Michael’s eyes before he averted his gaze. The bed creaked as he shifted, pulling his legs up to his chest. “I didn’t _realize_ that.. that would bug me. I can’t believe you thaw.. fuck.”

Suddenly Rich’s hand flew up from where it was settled in his lap and he brought the heel of his hand against the back of his head - _hard_. As quickly as it had happened his hand shot back to his lap. His fingers tangled in the extra fabric of the sweatpants that were a bit too long for him. “Fuck. _Saw_ me like that. Fuck.”

“Hey - Rich, it’s.. alright.” Michael wrung his hands briefly, finding a way to busy his hands. His typical response to a problem would be to offer comfort but he wasn’t sure if either of them were entirely comfortable with the idea. He chose his words, careful to breeze past the slip up in his lisp again. “We all went through a lot of shit, you went through a lot of shit. I’ve had panic attacks, I’ve seen Jer have them.. I’m gonna go get you some water, dude.”

* * *

After he’d allowed a good ten minutes to pass, he started back down the basement stairs. He cradled two water bottles, making his way to the bed slowly, offering one bottle up to Rich and setting the other on his nightstand. Rich took it, fiddling with the cap but not yet opening it.

“Fuck man,” Michael couldn’t stop the pity edging into his voice - he tried to reason with himself that at least half of it was empathy at least, _he’d been there._ “C’mere.”

After thinking on it he decided he didn’t have much to risk by offering a hug, the worst he could do was get a “no” (a voice in the back of his head argued how _crushing_ it could be to get a negative response). He wasn’t sure if he could say he was surprised as he watched Rich shakily get to his knees, shuffling over the comforter towards him. It wasn’t until he’d put his arms around the other that he was horribly aware that he’d taken his binder off and that their chests were dangerously close. If Rich noticed he didn’t say anything before sinking back down, though with the state he was in there was a very good chance he _didn't_ notice - regardless, in a strange way he trusted Rich already (to an extent).

“I guess we get to be nervous wrecks together now?” Michael gave a nervous smile as he said it. Rich just reached for his water and huffed out a short laugh, lifting his head to look at Michael as he sunk onto the bed next to him. He ran a hand through his hair, turning his head to break eye contact. It didn’t bother Michael much - it was easier to talk when he wasn’t focusing on ‘being polite’ by staring into someone’s eyes.

“I’ve never.. that _hasn’t_ happened in front of anyone before. Pleathe..uh, don’t tell anyone?” He cringed as he heard the lisp fall from his lips, his water bottle crunched as he tightened his grip a bit - it looked like he was bracing himself. That was when Michael made the connection, Jeremy had told him that the squips had a way of conditioning them. For a moment he wondered if the squip only shocked him or if it _made_ him hit himself. It made Michael’s chest feel heavy with dread.

“Dude, apparently you’re, like my only friend right now, who would I tell?” There was a joking air to the words but when Michael glanced over at the other he saw that his face was still twisted in a painful pleading. “Hey, I promise. I’m not going to tell anyone.”

It was good enough for Rich and he let out a long breath, shoulders slumping again as he let himself slide down the wall a bit before sitting up and rotating himself, laying down with his head next to Michael’s lap. The whole situation had succeeded in taking Michael’s mind off Jeremy but the fact that it was at Rich’s expense made him wince a bit. Trying not to dwell on it he just leaned over Rich, grabbing his water bottle so he could set it on the nightstand next to his own.

“You can.. you can sleep up here. I mean,” a flash of embarrassment ran through Michael for a second, “Jeremy and I always share a bed so like, it’s cool if you want to.”

“Thankth Mell.” The usual fire was drained from his tone, and Michael couldn’t help but just feel _bad_. Sliding off his bed he padded across the floor to switch his lights off, he assumed everything was exhausting enough - they could go to bed a bit early.

“Hey,” he lowered his tone, slowly making his way back to his bed in the dark, a walk he’d made plenty of times. He climbed in, placing himself next to him, crossing his arms over his middle as he laid on his back. “Want me to talk about something?”

The only response was a nod and he felt Rich curl up a bit, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, he was on his side, facing Michael. He could feel Rich’s breath just barely flowing against his neck.

“Cool, so I’ve been watching a ton of shit on cults lately.”


	3. Chapter 3

Of fucking course every cliche had to throw itself at Michael’s feet, it must have been payback for all the times he swore this shit only happened in movies and fanfiction written by high schoolers. He wasn’t typically an early riser but he also tended to stay up later than they had, as far as Rich - he had no clue, it seemed like he was still out cold, though. As he blinked his eyes open he realized he’d dozed off with his glasses on, though he had fallen asleep on his back at least which saved them from being crushed. Slowly coming into consciousness the second thing he noticed was the heavy feeling that left his arm full of pins and needles. He didn’t have to look to realize they must have moved in the night, shifting until Rich’s head finally came to rest on Michael’s bicep. He didn’t have to look.. but he did.

When he turned his head he found their faces only inches apart, Rich’s lips were parted slightly, their breaths filled the space between them - what cliches didn’t account for was morning breath. Michael scrunched his nose and shifted to tip his head back more, but not before his eyes settled on the little gap between Rich’s front teeth (possibly the source of his lisp). Soon his eyes were wandering, he raised his head a bit, taking it all in. Light streamed in from the window well a few feet from his bed, its harshness cut down by makeshift blinds his mom had helped him put up. Maybe fanfiction got that one right, soft rays of light did wonders when they cast across a boy’s skin. He tried not to think about it too hard, just because Rich was pretty that didn’t mean anything. A lot of boys were pretty. (Though a lot of boys didn’t ask if he was single.)

Before he could do anything stupid he tugged on his arm lightly, at least Rich was a heavy sleeper. He was able to pull away and roll off the bed so he could stumble his way to the bathroom, grabbing his phone from the nightstand on the way. As soon as he was safely secured in the bathroom he pulled it out - 18% left. At least it hadn’t died.

**momma (9:45 am):** Good morning Mikey. Your mother called this morning, your aunt got sick last night so she won’t be coming over. If she’s feeling better we’ll go see her next week. Your mom made her some breakfast and helped her tidy up a bit and she’ll be home around 11, I don’t want to kick your friend out but I want us to have lunch together today. xoxo

**jeremy (10:02 am):** micah can i call you later?

**christine (10:06 am):** michael im sorry if that was weird of me. even without jer i think youre really sweet and nice. jer just seemed upset about something i really hope youre alright.

**jake (10:12 am):** hey michael! i didn’t want to be weird approaching you before but since you got the rich stamp of approval it doesn’t feel too weird anymore. if you ever want to tag along with us to the gym or for some basketball don’t be shy! :)

Michael couldn’t help but be overwhelmed, overnight he’d gone from a typical three people texting him to now six different people who would text him. Not to mention the fight with Jeremy. In the spirit of a “new day” he steeled himself by brushing his teeth, giving him enough time to convince himself to answer the texts. While he could easily blow off Jeremy he knew he’d be acting just as bad and the rest of the texts simply deserved an answer by their own merit.

**michael (10:18 am):** okay momma! hopefully well see her next week then :(

**michael (10:19 am):** yeah im eating lunch with my moms today. maybe like 1 or 2 today?

**michael (10:19 am):** i didnt mean to ignore you sorry christine its just a lot plus i was hanging out with rich. thanks

**michael (10:20 am):** haha really? yeah rich is great i might take you guys up on that

Who knew four simple texts could drain his social battery so much? A sound from his room drew his attention now, he reached for his mouthwash, swishing some around and spitting it out before he was ready to face Rich again.

When he opened the door he was met with a view of Rich with his jeans halfway up his thighs. They mirrored each other’s expression when their eyes met, a bit of a deer in the headlights situation before Rich tried to laugh it off. Pulling his jeans up the rest of the way and buttoning them he finally spoke, his voice was still heavy with sleep.

“ _See_ _something_ you like?” It wasn’t uncommon, Rich flirting was just as normal as him and Jeremy sharing a bed almost nightly all summer. It was what he did. Michael couldn’t get too caught up on it - it was just how Rich acted with people. He did get caught up on how he said it though, back to carefully hiding his lisp. Suddenly he was brought back to a moment in the hospital. He’d gone to visit Jeremy and finally found him awake, walking into a conversation he was having with Rich. A conversation where he was freely speaking with a lisp. He was covering it for a reason. “I _was_ gonna head out - don’t wanna _overstay_ after my _first_ time over.”

“Yeah, I’m supposed to have lunch with my moms. I’ll.. text you though.”

“You better!” Rich grabbed his water bottle from the nightstand, before he headed towards the stairs. “I’ll be waiting for it Mell.”

“Hey, Rich,” before he could get too far Michael stopped him. There was no way Rich just planned on walking home in a tank top. In winter. In New Jersey. “Don’t tell me you’re walking home like that. I could drive you.”

“Nah,” Rich shook his head, one hand moving to rest on the banister of the stairs. “ _It’s_ cool dude, I’m fine.”

“Hold on.” Holding up a hand for a second Michael urged Rich to stay in place before scrambling over to his closet. He dug through it for a second, moving through a fairly vast hoodie collection considering he usually only wore one. He settled on something dark green, a Christmas gift from an uncle - his family was always urging him to wear other hoodies, to do something different. There were a good five hoodies he’d gotten as gifts alongside another two he’d picked to wear when he felt like mixing it up (or when he didn’t have time to wash the smell of weed out of his red one). “At least take this man, it’s cold as fuck.”

There was a brief silence as Michael scampered back over, extending his arm towards Rich. The other took it without complaint, struggling for a moment to pull it over his head. It swamped him, Michael always got hoodies that ran large. The sleeves extended past his fingertips and the bottom of it hung down around his thighs - Michael bit his tongue before he could comment on it.

“ _T_ _hanks_ Mell. I’ll text you.” With that he was gone, disappearing up the stairs. Michael waited until he heard his mom’s voice and then the front door shutting. He was stuck to the spot, thinking about the weight of Rich’s head on his arm.. thinking about the way his hoodie hung off him awkwardly. It was too much for him to think about, he groaned low in his throat. 

Before he could face any of it he needed to eat lunch and deal with the Jeremy situation - he was not in the mindset to address the idea that he’d liked what he saw. All he had to do was get through the day, he could leave the thinking for 2am while a new docuseries droned in the background. That or he could get high and pretend nothing was happening, he’d decide when he got there.

Step one was lunch. He had an hour and a half until noon and his options were limited - since it was 10:30 that meant it was almost 11, so it was almost 12. A game would be too engrossing and he couldn’t bear the thought of Jeremy seeing him online. If he started down a rabbit hole with any documentary he was thinking about watching he wouldn’t be able to dig himself out. For a second he thought about smoking, anything to calm his nerves, but he didn’t want to face his moms reeking of weed - at least _freshly_ reeking of weed. He kept his habit contained and if his moms knew they didn’t say anything, he wasn’t going to risk it. In the end he did what he tended to do all too often. He crossed the room, plugged in his phone, and flopped onto his bed.

**rich (10:43 am):** melllllllllllllllll  
 **rich (10:43 am):** if i get a switch will u gimme ur friend code  
 **rich (10:44 am):** i swear im gonna get good at every game u play  
 **rich (10:44 am):** im gonna give u a run for ur money

Of course - he couldn’t catch a break. First the guy came over and made Michael feel like he’d realized he was gay all over again and now he _really was_ going to make an effort. He’d been preparing himself to not hear from Rich for a week, or maybe until school started (or maybe never again). Now here he was, reaching out, making an effort. He was doing everything Jeremy wouldn’t and _of course_ he had to be hot while doing it. Not that he’d thought about it too much; some people were just hot and it wasn’t weird to acknowledge it.

**michael (10:46 am):** goranskiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
 **michael (10:46 am):** hell yeah dude  
 **michael (10:47 am):** wait actually no you gotta earn it  
 **rich (10:48 am):** ooooooooooooo shit  
 **rich (10:48 am):** ur on mikey name the game and im there  
 **michael (10:49 am):** not a game  
 **michael (10:50 am):** you gotta get through to me  
 **michael (10:50 am):** the way to a mans heart and all  
 **michael (10:51 am):** (its sushi. the way to a mans heart is sushi)  
 **rich (10:52 am):** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i see i gotta buy ur friendship  
 **rich (10:52 am):** u drive a hard bargain

As soon as he sent it he felt himself freezing up - he couldn’t help but overthink it. It wasn’t like he had much experience anyways, he’d never asked anyone on a date and he’d never asked a friend to lunch. He had no way of knowing the difference, especially when he couldn’t even decide which outcome he preferred. All he knew was that he liked Rich, he liked having someone who wanted to talk to him, he liked that someone made it clear that they enjoyed his company. He’d spent the first half of junior year letting himself believe that he could never be enough of a person to mean anything to anyone. While he couldn’t blame Jeremy for all of it he hadn’t helped the situation. He needed to see a therapist, he supposed they all did.

**rich (10:53 am):** lets go this week then  
 **rich (10:55 am):** ur drivin  
 **rich (10:56 am):** and u should totally drive us to the mall after  
 **rich (10:56 am):** maybeeee ill get a switch then we could always play games ;p  
 **michael (10:58 am):** omg hahaa its cool you dont gotta pay for lunch we can go splitsies  
 **rich (10:58 am):** my treat  
 **rich (10:58 am):** ALSO! im not givin u gas money so ill get lunch >;3

Michael couldn’t help but wonder if Jeremy was just pissed or if he was jealous. It was ironic in a way, the popular group was starting to recruit _him_ into their ranks - it was everything Jeremy wanted. Now while the dust settled Michael was getting what he’d wanted and he didn’t have to get an overpriced tic tac to do it. Or maybe he couldn’t fathom not being the center of Michael’s world. Maybe both. 

**michael (11:00 am):** fine lmao  
 **michael (11:00 am):** i get to pick the place tho  
 **michael (11:01 am):** and while i love my slushies i think we should go to a real sushi place  
 **michael (11:01 am):** for the ~experience~  
 **rich (11:04 am):** ur on mell!  
 **rich (11:04 am):** pick me up saturday! 11 am sharppp  
 **michael (11:06 am):** got it goranski

As he set his phone to rest on his stomach he noticed a soreness on the edge of his mouth - had he really been smiling the whole time? Before he could get too embarrassed he picked his phone back up, looking for anything to draw his mind away, starting with snapchat. He could do with some satisfying videos. Though, before he fell down that trap he scrolled through the stories at the top of the screen. Just a few weeks ago it tended to be bare but since the incident everyone had insisted on adding him to everything. That was one good thing Jeremy had done for him, he supposed.

Rich’s story was first in line and curiosity got the better of him. As promised Rich had posted a picture of him and he couldn’t be too mad at the horrible angle because a conglomeration of glittery gifs and stickers dotted the screen around him. A line of text simply read **“i beat mell at mario kart now whos next”** and he couldn’t help but smile. There wasn’t an easy way to explain it (he was sure his moms would never get it), it just felt _good_ to be on someone’s story. Rich had broadcasted to his (likely) broad friends list that he was hanging out with Michael.

Before it could get to his head he clicked to skip to the next story but was met with another addition on Rich’s. It was a selfie taken fairly close, but Michael couldn’t help but notice the piece of green fabric in the corner of the picture. Rich was still wearing his hoodie. There was text on this one too and Michael read it in an attempt to keep his eyes from drifting to the bit where he could see of his hoodie (or from drifting to look at the faint freckles that lay across Rich’s cheeks). All it read was **“everyones doin this so slide up i guess”** and Michael’s gaze dropped down to the link at the bottom of his snap. It was the stupid YOLO thing, Michael didn’t quite get why people did it. He supposed he didn’t have a big social circle though, there weren’t many people itching to ask him questions (that he was aware of). Besides, he wasn’t quite confident enough in himself to feel like he could answer questions about himself. After the incident he was still trying to sort out who he was without Jeremy.

His finger hovered above the screen for a second, he contemplated for a moment before deciding he didn’t have anything to ask - at least he didn’t have anything he’d admit he wanted to ask. Instead he simply clicked out of his story and scrolled down so he could get lost in some satisfying videos. For the time being he skipped over the sound, it wasn’t as satisfying through phone speakers and he couldn’t find the adapter to plug his headphones into his new phone.

The hour passed easily enough despite Michael not being able to listen to any cracking clay. The only thing that jolted him out from his stupor was his mom yelling into the basement for him. He hadn’t even heard the door open upstairs, though it was noon now, so he shouldn’t be surprised that his mom was already home. 

* * *

With step one down Michael could begrudgingly move onto step two: Call Jeremy. He took his plate to the sink, rinsing off any crumbs before slipping away. He was successful in avoiding any questioning from his moms as they talked about their plans to see his aunt the next week. Once he’d made it to the stairs down to his room he closed the door quietly behind him, careful not to attract any attention. As he turned to head down, though, his stomach dropped, the stairs seemed to stretch on forever while at the same time being no distance at all. Each step was careful and hesitant, he’d been so busy distracting himself that he had no idea what he even wanted to say to Jeremy.

**jeremy (1:22 pm):** is now alright?

The dial tone seemed so loud in Michael’s ear as he finally crossed the last step, feet hitting the ground. He swore it felt colder now that he was alone - which was likely, everyone knows heat rises. It was an empty sort of cold, though. Either way he attempted to ignore it, crossing his room so that he could sit on his bed.

“Michael.” Jeremy’s voice crackled over the line and for a second it made his chest hurt. He missed Jeremy, he really did. But he couldn’t let him get away with treating their friendship like it was disposable. “Can you tell me why you’re all cool with Rich now?”

“Getting right into it, huh?” Off to a bad start. He let his eyes wander for a moment, settling on his nightstand. “No hello?”

“Obviously you aren’t gonna pretend to be cool about it. So I want to know why.”

“Yeah, yeah.” There was a pause as Michael used his shoulder to hold his phone to his ear, reaching for the joint and lighter he abandoned the night before. He wasted no time in lighting it and bringing it up to his lips, speaking around it, “why do you care who I’m friends with?”

“Are you really smoking right now?” The endless back and forth of questions was beginning to frustrate Michael. Thanks to Rich he’d forgotten how angry he was with the situation and it was suddenly coming back to him. In an attempt to keep his cool he took a long drag before speaking up again.

“Fine. About Rich.” Leaning over he set the lighter down on his nightstand and moved to hold his phone before it slipped. “He started texting me the other night. He asked me about games, asked if I’d play games with him.”

“And you just said yes?” It was asked incredulously, he swore he heard Jeremy’s voice rise an octave. “That’s his whole trick. When he got me to get my squip he said I should go to his so we could play Xbox!”

“First of all, he’s not squipped anymore. Second of all, he knows I play games and he plays games, we’re allowed to have things in common.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but at the same time a small part of him could. Jeremy had a way of being too far lost in his own issues that had really begun to shine now.

“But he started it all! You know that all the squips were in his locker.. Mine showed me. How do you think everyone got infected! It was because of Rich!”

“Jeremy.” There was another pause, a long breath as he took a hit from his joint. “Are you _fucking_ kidding me. He was in the hospital, he was in intensive care. He may of had them but he didn’t _do_ it. The fact you’re telling me that you knew they were there sounds a lot worse.”

“Come on Michael! You really think that it’s _my_ fault? I didn’t want any of this to happen, it just took control!”

It was the same story, always the same story. Michael let it go without a response, in this case his silence said a lot more than he would be able to. Instead he turned the joint around in his hand, looking at his poor work on rolling it was a lot more interesting than focusing on Jeremy. He could have sat like that for another hour but Jeremy simply raised his voice again, demanding attention.

“Besides.. he was like shitty and kinda homophobic. The whole boyf thing - you remember that. You complain about shitty people all the time so I don’t know why Rich gets some pass!”

“I thought you of all people would know that he was a different person because of the squip.” Another hit, another pause, another breath. “Here’s the thing, Jer. Rich _knows_ this. He knows what he did and he’s sorry, I don’t know if it came up when you two were in the hospital but he talked to me about it too. It’s a lot easier to forgive someone when they own up, he didn’t stop at the sob story of ‘oh my squip _made me_ there was _nothing_ I could do’. You wanna know what he did? He took my feelings into account. He knows that it was still him, it was his voice, it was his face. No matter how much he was being made to do something he knows that _he_ did it. He doesn’t hide behind the squip.”

“What are you trying to say?” There was something in Jeremy’s voice - it was almost accusatory.

“I’m saying that I think you’re getting you two mixed up. You haven’t done shit, you gave me the sob story and stopped. Rich didn’t.” There was a beat and Michael took one more hit so that he could put the joint out, he needed to do something with his hand. He settled on grabbing a fistful of his comforter, a makeshift stress ball. “He’s really nice. He pays attention. Somehow he knew I liked sushi, how else could he know that without paying attention. Without remembering. He gives a shit. Meanwhile you only talk to me when Christine’s busy. Yesterday was the first time you tried to hang out this whole break. I don’t know why it bugs you so much that I’m talking to him.”

“It bugs me that you’d pick him over me, asshole! We’ve known each other forever and he suddenly comes out of nowhere!”

“I can’t deal with this, Jer. We all went through shit and I know it’s fucking hard. I just want you to be happy, that’s always been what I wanted. But you tossed me to the side for popularity and a girl, I thought we were stronger than that. The worst part is that I could forgive you so easily, I almost just let it go but I’m allowed to be upset too! I am! It’s not fair that everyone but you has to take ownership of their actions and _has_ \- everyone but you!”

There was another stretch of silence, all he could hear was Jeremy’s breathing on the other end. It was the only thing telling him that Jeremy hadn’t just walked away. His hand moved to absentmindedly play with his hair, rubbing against the back of his head. The silence was suffocating so before he could start hyperventilating Michael broke it.

“Can’t I just be happy about something?” Against his will his voice cracked a bit, his throat was tight, tears threatened to form in the corners of his eyes. It hit like a wave, crashing over him. Would Jeremy really rather Michael be loyal and unhappy? “I.. I gotta go. My moms need me.”

“Okay.” Another beat. “Talk to you later Micah.”

Instead of screaming Michael hung up the phone. Deep down he knew Jeremy wasn’t trying to guilt him, that was something he believed at the very least. But he couldn’t help but get caught up on it, ‘Micah’. It used to make him melt, even after he’d realized that he and Jeremy weren’t going to work, it was still something he felt comfort in. Now it just felt hollow.


	4. Chapter 4

In the hopes of thinking about anything but Jeremy, Michael flopped onto his back, sprawling out on his bed and looking back to his phone. He remembered Rich’s story and curiosity got the better of him. It was a way for him to find out about Rich without having to ask the questions himself. Besides, there was a part of him that just wanted to see Rich’s face again. Anything to keep his mind busy.

To Michael’s excitement Rich’s story was first on his list again, with new snaps added to it. He hesitated for a second, hovering over his story - it felt like a turning point. If he went forward he knew that Rich would be tangled up in his life. Seeking Rich out after having an argument with his supposed best friend of so long.. it was him admitting he trusted Rich, admitting that he forgave Rich. So he hesitated. And then he tapped.

The picture was more zoomed in than the last one, a close up of Rich’s eyes and forehead - it was funny, it was candid. The question was simple enough, starting with a  _ ‘i heard youre bi now is it true?’ _ .

**“hell yeahhhhhh. did some soul searching while in a full body cast. 😔🤟 totally bi”**

While Michael had heard it before (in the hospital) he felt his lips nearly twitch into a smile. Potential feelings aside he was genuinely happy for Rich, not only for realizing his sexuality but for feeling confident enough to broadcast it on his story. Especially considering Michael hadn’t even come to terms with his own sexuality until about six months prior. He’d always crushed down his feelings for Jeremy, only daring to think about his sexuality when he’d taken a step back and realized the two of them were better as friends. Following that his coming out really just consisted of getting his pride patch, some people noticed, some didn’t. It didn’t matter much to him.

The next picture was from the waist up, taken in a messy mirror, Rich’s phone obscured half his face. In the reflection Michael could see his floor was messy, for some reason it didn’t surprise him. He was still wearing the hoodie, he’d rolled the sleeves up though, they bunched awkwardly around his elbows. The next question made Michael cringe a bit,  _ “half grilled chicken lookin ass” _ it could have been funny, maybe in another time, maybe if the fire had been an accident.

**“fuckin yikes bro. still hotter than u. 🤡”**

It made Michael’s stomach sink, mostly due to the fact that in the hospital Rich had hinted that the fire was a squip-related incident. The fire had to have been traumatic and it would be with him forever, not just in his mind.. the reminders would be painted on his body forever. He was glad to see that Rich could push past it, or at least pretend to. A voice in Michael’s head chimed in, hoping that Rich really did believe he was hot (and everything between) with his scars. Again he was swamped with a strange sense of pride, Rich could have deleted the message. Instead he faced it, played it off.

More quickly this time he tapped again, moving to the next picture. It seemed to be a picture of his ceiling, he was holding his hand up with his middle finger raised. On the edge of the screen Michael could also see the tip of his hair. That alone made him want to skip through without looking at the question, knowing that it was enough for him to respond with a middle finger probably meant it was much like something he’d already heard about Rich. He did read it though, all in the interest of understanding. This one actually was a question,  _ “called out for being an asshole and burning down a whole ass house and now youre all about being bi. deflection much?”  _ though it wasn’t a  _ good  _ question. He’d been right as well, he noted, it sounded way too close to what Jeremy had been confronting him with for the past few days.

**“ppl change. as if 70% of middleborough doesnt suck ass. went through some shit. working on everything OFF social media one on one w ppl. u dont have to like me dude. ive got the ppl i care abt. it took a lot of reflection to realize i was bi, im not tryna say it wasnt wrong but i battled my internalized biphobia and im tryna b better. 🤧😪”**

The urge to text Rich was slowly filling Michael’s being, Jeremy related anxieties pushed into the far reaches of his mind, he’d begun to relax, muscles less tense. Watching Rich pour his heart out to what was probably a sizable amount of fellow high schoolers threw him off. At the same time he realized that it fit now - this was the Rich he’d had over at his house,  _ this  _ was the Rich he’d told Jeremy about.

When he tapped to the next image it gave Michael a bit of a jolt, in a good way. It was a stark contrast to the last picture, another close up on Rich’s face, showing off a toothy grin. Yet again Michael focused in on the slight gap in his teeth, on the spattering of freckles over the bridge of his nose. The ‘question’ was simple enough,  _ “love you richie :) proud of you” _ .

**“jakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i know this is u. txt meeeee. lov uuuuu. 😤”**

It brought a smile to his face, he shifted around on his bed, moving from where he was draped to put his head up on his pillow. He kicked at his comforter until he could push his legs under it, getting comfortable. It wasn’t even 3pm yet and he already felt drained, so in an act of self-care he made himself comfortable.

Another tap brought him to another picture, another selfie. The angle was awkward, it had about half his face and showed him holding a peace sign above his head. The hoodie sleeves were rolled back down now, though when he held his arm up the sleeve slipped down a bit, not fitting snugly enough to stay in place. Michael found himself staring, focusing in on Rich’s eyelashes for a bit too long. Instead of lingering on the fact he let his eyes flicker to the message,  _ “dude how often do you work out for those arms” _ . After reading it he couldn’t help but let himself think back on the previous day, seeing Rich in his tank top.

**“outside of gym class jake and i usually do 2-3 days a week after school in the gym. usually switching between 1 day of cardio and 2 days of weights the next week 2 days of cardio 1 of weights. seems to be working. 🥵”**

That seemed to be the end of it - at least for the time being. He’d almost expected more questions, though it had only been a few hours. He wouldn't be surprised if there were a few more questions later that night. Part of him wondered if Rich would still be wearing his hoodie by then. An even quieter part wondered if he’d fall asleep wearing it.

Before he could slip back into a hole of satisfying videos he got a text - initially he felt a sense of panic. He was still used to only getting texts from Jeremy so at first he feared it was him and he was  _ not  _ ready to get back into that. Instead he was pleasantly surprised. 

**rich (2:48 pm):** mell! i see u peepin my story and not textin me!  
**rich (2:49 pm):** im kidding (kinda)  
**rich (2:49 pm):** how was lunch  
**michael (2:50 pm):** it was good. nothin special  
**michael (2:50 pm):** after lunch sucked though :/

Even as he typed it he wasn’t sure of what he was doing, it wasn’t like him to open up to people. Though, he had always wished he could be where he was, he wished that he felt close enough to someone that he could open up to them. Someone aside from Jeremy, someone who didn’t know him before he came out (not that Jeremy had ever reacted poorly). Someone who didn’t know anything about him, someone who just wanted to know more. 

A minute passed with no response from Rich and before he could worry that he’d been too vulnerable his phone was ringing.

“Mell! Dude, you all good?” There was a beat and before Michael could answer Rich was already speaking again, nearly tripping on his words. “I don’t know how you feel about calling, I know  _ some  _ people hate it. I  _ just _ .. thought.. I dunno. I  _ just  _ wanted to know if everything  _ was  _ alright.”

“Man, I was about to ask you that. People were being pretty brutal to you.” Michael just sunk lower into his bed, forcing down the tightness in his chest at Rich’s worry.

“Oh,  _ that’s  _ nothing,  _ honestly  _ I deleted like four of them. I’ve had  _ worse  _ but, don’t worry about it man.” There was a sound that Michael deciphered as Rich shifting around, maybe flipping over on his bed. He closed his eyes briefly, imagining Rich where he’d been next to him last night. He’d looked so soft when he slept, peaceful.

“Still gonna feel bad for you. You don’t deserve that shit, man.” He tried to shake the image of Rich out of his head, tried to not think about him curled up against his side. He bit at his lip, pulling his glasses off and setting them next to his head so that he could roll onto his side. It seemed easy, talking with Rich and he couldn’t help but keep talking, “honestly. Especially people starting shit about the.. You look fine, your.. burns. That one just felt unnecessarily mean and I just wanted to tell you that.”

“Thankth, Mell.” The lisp was masked slightly by the quality of the call, he barely made it out. Hearing his guard drop was nice, it was comfortable. “What about you, though? What’th up?”

“Just shit with Jer. I don’t really wanna dive into it but.. he’s just like a brick wall. He just doesn’t seem to understand.” Michael groaned, pulling his legs inward, curling in on himself. “Long story short he just isn’t.. he’s not really receptive right now. There’s just a lot for us to work through after.. you know.”

“Ugh, god I know.” Rich groaned a bit himself, Michael could hear him shifting again. “Jake and I had to talk about a ton. Yeah.. I.  _ Shit _ ! Uh, I gotta go. I’ll text you, Mell.”

The shift caught Michael off guard, he felt like he’d made a breakthrough, hearing Rich’s lisp was one of his new favorite sounds. It sounded like trust. It made the sudden shift all the more jarring when he put on his mask of careful pronunciation. The phone was hung up before he could even say goodbye. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t plant a seed of worry.

* * *

Time passed slowly, it wasn’t helped by the mood drop Michael experienced. Not only was there an inkling of worry that was beginning to spread through him.. he was also just feeling a bit lonely. In an attempt to keep himself from spiraling he grabbed his glasses and rolled out of bed, shaking off his comforter. A slight haziness still hung around him and he was aware of how the smell of weed clung to his sheets and hoodie, it didn’t help with his blossoming stress headache.

Attempting to curve it before it was too late he tugged off his hoodie, crossing his arms across his now bare chest as he shuffled over to his closet. He cast a sideways glance towards the bathroom, thinking about getting his binder. Instead he just grabbed a shirt off a hanger and tugged it over his head, he could give his lungs a break. While he was thinking about it he let his thoughts drift - it was thursday now and his testosterone shot wasn’t until friday. He was glad he wouldn’t have to wrestle with a needle amongst all the stress. He supposed he could give his scruff another day too, before shaving. It was only just beginning to itch.

While racking his brain he let himself wander across the room, kicking his bean bags back into place after his vacuuming the day before. With them in place on the rug he let himself sink down, dropping into one of them with a huffed breath. His brain felt too numb to be any good at Apocalypse of the Damned and it would probably remind him too much of Jeremy - part of him didn’t want to beat the game without him. And something about playing Mario Kart without Rich just made him a bit sad. That didn’t leave much for him, sure he had plenty of games but he was in one of those moods where nothing sounded right. Nothing he had was going to quite scratch the boredom itch that was consuming him.

In the end he booted up his Switch and opened his YouTube app. He settled on a Julien video, something about making different burgers. The slightest smile crossed his face as he sunk lower, watching the chaos ensue. Part of him couldn’t help but think about Rich when he watched it. Not only had Rich shown him one of Julien’s videos the day before.. he could begin to see slight similarities between them. The bright smile, the commanding presence.

One video turned into two, two turned into three. Halfway through his fourth video he noticed his phone light up from where it sat face-up on his stomach.

**rich (4:32 pm):** sorry about that mell  
**rich (4:32 pm):** my dad came upstairs  
**michael (4:33 pm):** its cool dude dont worry about it  
**rich (4:35 pm):** r u doing better? the whole heere thing  
**michael (4:35 pm):** ehh :/ im fine  
**michael (4:35 pm):** watching juliens cooking videos  
**michael (4:36 pm):** im doing fine  
**rich (4:37 pm):** hes great omg  
**rich (4:37 pm):** ill leave u to it then :p

The third video turned into a fourth and Michael let his focus slip, turning back to his phone. Knowing that Rich was back and seemed alright he decided to check his story again to see if anyone else had asked him anything. As he opened the app and swiped to tap on his story he felt a mini rush of anxiety, hoping that people had calmed down a bit. Part of him just wanted to protect Rich - sure, he made mistakes but there was also a trauma there. As far as he knew only their friend group knew about the squips and what they had done after Jeremy and Rich explained it. Regardless, when he opened the story he was met with another picture of Rich, it was a normal selfie, the only thing being that he had stuck his tongue out a bit. The question read,  _ “people are so mean youre so cute  _ 🤗  _ are you single??”  _ reading it Michael couldn’t help his heartbeat speeding up a bit.

**“yeah 😴. yeah but w an asterisk on it”**

It made his stomach drop and he shifted in his bean bag chair, shaking his head a bit. What did he care if Rich was single? He tapped again, seeing it was the only new post Rich had made. Before he could stop himself he slid up on Rich’s YOLO, typing his own message,  _ “whats the asterisk mean?”  _ it was sent before he gave it a second thought. He groaned, sliding down until only his head rested in the bean bag. For the next few minutes he incessantly refreshed the screen, waiting for Rich’s story to pop up again. He tried to tell himself that he just hoped Rich would have someone who cared about him, who would understand what he went through. Though all thoughts disappeared as he saw a new addition to his story pop up, he clicked it faster than anything else that day.

The picture nearly made Michael’s breath catch. It seemed he was sitting at a desk when he took this selfie, he had an elbow on the table and he leaned into his hand, head tilted. The sleeve of Michael’s hoodie pressed into his face, extending longer than his own arms and obscuring his hand. There was a softness there. Michael told himself that he was only latching onto the next closest guy and in a week he’d be able to calm down and just be friends. Of course he had a longing for a boyfriend but he’d never really made friends outside of Jeremy so this would only be fleeting. He couldn’t obsess about it too much and make anything weird, otherwise he might lose Rich as a friend. That was the last thing he wanted.

**“the asterisk means im single but i got my hopes up 🤨. basically, yes the amazing rich goranski has a crush so ladies and gentlemen dont bother shooting ur shot. ILL b shootin my shot for prom szn keep an eye out folkzzzz 🤪”**

With that Michael let his shoulders relax a bit. Without asking (and he wouldn’t) there was no way to know who Rich was after. So he took a deep breath and tried to clear his head, there was no reason to get himself too worked up over Rich Goranski - he was sure he’d forget all about it by prom. For now all he could do was be present and be a good friend, returning the attention and care Rich had decided to give him. It was easy enough.

* * *

Saturday snuck up on Michael, the night before he’d gotten himself down a new hole through exploring some YouTube drama. By 3am Rich had bid him a good night and their texts stopped there. The next time Michael took note of his surroundings he was halfway through a YouTuber apology and the clock was telling him it was 5am. A pang of guilt hit him - he and Rich were going to lunch tomorrow (well, now today) and he was still awake. In an effort to correct himself he set an alarm for 10am and all but tossed his glasses and phone onto his nightstand before flopping over. With the comforter pulled up to his chin he squeezed his eyes shut, willing his brain to just shut down.

It didn’t work - it never did. For the next two hours he alternated between laying on his back and flipping onto his side, tangling his comforter with his legs in the process. By the time he finally felt himself drifting off he swore the sky was beginning to lighting, though he couldn’t be sure.

The next thing that Michael knew was the sunlight streaming over his face. A groan slipped past his lips and he rolled over, squeezing his eyes shut a little tighter. His face felt colder, just slightly, now that the sun wasn’t warming it. The subtle change was enough to get his attention, the absence of an alarm led him to believe it was still before 10, though he swore he’d been sleeping for much longer. To confirm this he sat up, reaching out for his phone. Instead of being greeted with an early hour he saw that his clock read 12:13, his lockscreen was filled with various notifications - including a few from Rich. A panic shot through him, his stomach tightening with despair.

**rich (10:15 am):** ur lucky mell  
**rich (10:15 am):** i never wake up this early over break  
**rich (10:15 am):** i got up at 9:50!!  
**rich (10:45 am):** melllllll ?  
**rich (10:50 am):** michael??  
**rich (11:02 am):** hey michael are u ok?  
**rich (11:19 am):** id come over but i dont want to show up if ur ignoring me  
**rich (11:20 am):** i hope ur okay though  
**rich (11:25 am):** shit. sorry man.  
**rich (12:09 pm):** was it smthn i did?

With each message Michael felt his stomach drop a bit more, the thought of causing Rich distress was devastating. After seeing him having a panic attack and talking him down he felt a new sense of solidarity, he saw a side of Rich no one got to. He’d been trusted with that. What he saw unfold over the messages was familiar, it was a feeling he’d felt himself plenty of times, Rich thought he was  _ ignoring  _ him, and he blamed himself.

**michael (12:14 pm):** holy shit im so fuckin sorry  
**michael (12:14 pm):** i couldnt sleep last night and i must have slept through my alarm  
**michael (12:14 pm):** rich? i can be there in 15 whats your favorite food?  
**michael (12:15 pm):** im taking you to lunch dont give me any excuses  
**michael (12:15 pm):** unless youre really upset with me  
**michael (12:15 pm):** but i promise i didnt mean to do that let me take you to lunch  
**rich (12:17 pm):** ugh sorry. shit. ignore all that sorry for being dumb about it  
**michael (12:17 pm):** rich its okay im gonna be there in 15 min alright?

Michael swore he’d never gotten ready faster in his life, stumbling as he slid out of bed, all but throwing himself into the bathroom. He dug around for some dry shampoo he kept on hand for the days where he just couldn’t will himself to shower, he supposed that was one good thing his depression slumps did for him. He dug his binder out of the shirt abandoned on the floor a few days prior after finishing up in the bathroom and tugged it over his head while wandering back out into his room. He groaned, remembering how strongly the scent of weed still clung to his hoodie and left it on his bed - he’d rather not go out in public smelling like weed. Besides, he wasn’t sure if the smell would remind Rich too much of his panic attack. Kicking off his pajama pants and boxers he left them abandoned on the floor, nearly toppling over as he struggled to pull on a new pair of boxers and a pair of jeans that were probably just a little too tight.

In the interest of time he grabbed the first shirt he saw, followed by the closest hoodie. It was simple, plain black, a stark contrast with his usual red hoodie, but it was his second favorite from his collection. Backtracking, he returned to his dresser, fishing out a pair of socks before dropping down onto his bed with a huff to pull them on - he’d already almost fallen once already, he didn’t need to explain some mysterious bruise to Rich.

**michael (12:25 pm):** im on my way!!

In a rush he snatched up his phone, wallet, and keys before jogging up his stairs, he hadn’t even left and he was making himself out of breath. When he reached the top he all but threw the door open, hearing the tv droning in the living room.

“Mom? I’m going to see Rich! I’ll be back before it’s too late, he might come over! I’ll text you, I’m running late!” Everything was an exclamation, bursting with energy as he tried to hurry. He paused while shoving his feet into his shoes until he heard an affirmation and once he got it he was out the door. He couldn’t help it, there was something driving him, a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. The last time he’d moved that fast it had been a night where Jeremy called him crying.

Rich’s texts had activated the same response in him, the desperate need to help.

Maybe he broke a few traffic laws, but their suburb back roads were uncharacteristically quiet for once. By the time he made it to Rich’s street he could already see him standing in the driveway, it was like everything else disappeared - the tightness in his chest vanished. He was wearing the green hoodie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave comments it helps inspire me to keep writin <3


	5. Chapter 5

When Rich got in the passenger seat everything felt alright - Michael’s anxieties faded (mostly). Though, there was a bit of a worried spike when his eyes scanned the other’s face, it seemed blotchy but it was hard to tell with his scarring. He  _ could  _ tell that his eyes were a bit red, however. Michael hoped he was imagining it, the last thing he wanted to think about was Rich crying.

They ended up going to an IHOP. Rich tried to insist on Michael’s plan of sushi but he cracked when Michael turned in his seat (before they left) so that he was fully facing him and told him that he was allowed to ask for what he wanted. What Rich wanted ended up being an absurd amount of pancakes and bacon, he was happy to oblige, even if it was just for the tentative grin that spread over his face when they started on their way. He let Rich play the music on the way there.

It was all worth it, Michael decided, sat in a booth across from Rich. The seat was worn and he sunk down lower than he probably should have, the service was slow but it gave them time to talk over sugary coffee and orange juice. The table was almost awkwardly small, that combined with the low seating meant that Michael’s legs were far too long for the situation. He stretched them out a bit, encroaching on Rich’s space. His only response was to kick his feet a bit, bumping them against Michael’s ankles. Their coffees were about half gone by the time a stack of pancakes was set in front of Rich, he crouched down in his seat until only his eyes were visible over the top of it. Michael couldn’t help but laugh as his plate of eggs and sausage were set in front of him.

“Hey, so,” there was a pause as he poked at the eggs, lowering his eyes for a second. “Did you wanna come to mine again tonight? There’s this documentary I wanted to get into but it’s always more fun to do that with someone else.”

“Yeah, man.” Rich’s face lit up a bit and he reached over to grab a piece of bacon, eating with his hands. “Any  _ reason _ to get out of the  _ house _ is  _ nice _ .”

“About that..” Another moment passed and Michael cut into his eggs with his fork. “I don’t wanna like, overstep, but.. are you alright? I mean, after when you called me the other day.”

Rich froze up for a second, curling in on himself, shoulders slumped. He picked up his fork, absentmindedly stabbing at his pancakes. A chord had been struck and guilt flooded Michael, he set his fork down and grabbed the edge of the table, fingers tapping erratically. A beat passed and one of his hands moved, he leaned across the table, resting his hand on Rich’s forearm.

“Rich, don’t worry about it. Forget I asked alright?” He let his hand linger for a moment before pulling back and settling back into his seat. His palm felt warm, of course it was warm from coming in contact with another person, but it was also warm in a different way. It was warm in the same way his cheeks were. “You can come over whenever. Or call.”

It looked like Rich could cry, instead he broke out into a smile, using the sleeves of Michael’s hoodie to rub at his eye - he played it off as an itch. The conversation shifted and slowed down as they started eating. Every few minutes Rich would shift in his seat, swinging his legs and bumping their shins together.

They didn’t go to the mall after, they did swing by Rich’s house, though. He asked Michael to wait in the car while he grabbed a change of clothes and he obliged without an argument. When he was ready, if he was ready, he would share about his home life. Just not yet.

It was one of the best nights either of them had had in a while. Michael’s other mom was glad to finally meet her son's new friend and Rich was glad to feel welcomed into a space. They all had dinner together and later that night he had confided in Michael that he hadn’t had a home cooked meal in far too long. Later he would disclose this to his moms who would insist that he invite Rich over for dinner whenever he felt like it.

As the night wound down they fell into comfortable silence, YouTube droned on while they were both sunk into bean bag chairs, idly scrolling on their phones. At some point Rich had spun around, his legs rested across Michael’s own outstretched ones. The only sound under the tv was that of each other’s breathing, for once the basement felt warm. A pleasant, surprised feeling washed over Michael as he turned his attention to snapchat, Rich had posted on his story, it was a picture of him, engrossed in pouring syrup over his plate of eggs.

Their comfortable silence turned into an animated conversation, it wasn’t an argument (they were on the same side), but it was obnoxious and a bit over the top. Some YouTuber apology was paused in the background, Michael was eager to drag Rich into one of the current rabbit holes he found himself in. Soon they couldn’t stay contained any longer and they started up an incredulous conversation, picking apart the video before them. This went on for at least an hour.

Excitement died down into a comfortable conversation about what documentary they should watch, they’d moved to Michael’s bed, huddled down low, eyes trained on the laptop balanced on Michael’s stomach. It took them twenty minutes to agree (Jeremy would have simply gone along with whatever Michael wanted - he used to appreciate it but he was happier when Rich asserted his interests). One documentary turned into two and soon Rich’s head was drooping, butting against Michael’s shoulder. For a second he couldn’t help but just  _ look  _ at him, lit only by the laptop’s screen. At least they’d already changed into lounging clothes and the lights were already off for their ‘movie night’. Neither of them had the energy to get up. All Michael was able to do was roll over to put his laptop on the floor and his glasses on the nightstand. By the time his head hit the pillow he was out.

Sunlight cut through the window shade far too soon, Michael woke up on his side, Rich’s arm curled around his middle.

* * *

Easily, it became a habit. In ways it wasn’t unlike his friendship with Jeremy, it worried him a bit but Michael had to remind himself it was different. (His therapist helped remind him it was different.) December was spent finding out who  _ Michael Mell  _ was with the help of therapy and all sorts of self-care. It came up between him and Rich, everything did, and when he noticed the (almost) jealousy in Rich’s face he started sending him the same homework his therapist sent him home with. He didn’t ask why Rich couldn’t go to therapy. They worked on themselves, together yet separate.

Two or three nights a week turned into four or five nights a week, Rich would fall asleep curled up in Michael’s bed. (Michael gave him the spare toothbrush he kept in the medicine cabinet.) Most of the time Rich would come over sometime around lunch, or around dinner, they would share a meal, sometimes with his moms. After, they would go to the basement, they watched YouTube, they found new games to play, the simply shared company, showing each other a funny post they came across every few minutes. Rich would sneak a picture of him with an absurd filter on and post it to his snapchat story, soon Michael began to do the same.

Michael smoked less. It hadn’t really been a problem before, but it  _ was _ a crutch. But when Rich was around he didn’t smoke, they’d tried a second time, Michael shielding the flame away from Rich as he lit the joint.. but the smell of smoke still set him off. They hadn’t tried since.

There were some nights, though, that weren’t as fun, weren’t as relaxed. Those nights Michael would creep upstairs to let Rich through the front door around 2am, one night they woke his moms and Michael all but pushed Rich down his basement stairs. He knew his moms liked Rich but they weren’t exactly fans of Michael being up until nearly 4am almost half of the week. In the interest of stealth Michael started to have Rich climb down his window well. He’d get the text and he’d hop up, struggling to remove the piece of wood he’d had lodged in to keep the window stuck shut. They didn’t talk those nights, at most Michael would talk about whatever was on his mind until he heard the breathing beside him even out and slow.

It was one of those nights.

**rich (3:42 am):** r u awake??  
**rich (3:42 am):** can i come over?

December had faded into January, there was less than a week until school started and Michael would have teased him about getting his sleeping schedule on track.. but it wasn’t the time. He already felt a bit bad on being gone for New Years (they’d visited his aunt) because he knew it had been a hard night for Rich, at least based on the texts he’d gotten. Now he was home and he was awake and he could be there for him. He wanted to be.

**michael (3:44 am):** yea  
**michael (3:44 am):** windows unlocked  
**rich (3:45 am):** okay im already halfway there  
**michael (3:45 am):** you already left? lotsa trust in me still being awake huh? :p  
**rich (3:46 am):** when arent u?  
**rich (3:46 am):** plus u sent me a snap like an hour and a half ago of u watching more cult videos  
**rich (3:47 am):** of course u were gonna b up watching stuff  
**michael (3:48 am):** damn you got me there

Another five minutes passed before Michael heard the thud of Rich dropping down into his window well - the sound used to make him jump and now it brought a grin to his face. It was bittersweet in a way, he knew there was  _ something  _ that drove Rich from his home. But the same  _ something _ was what drove Rich to  _ him _ .

Sitting up, he set his laptop aside and as he climbed out of bed he saw Rich crouching down, struggling to pull open the window. It nearly made him laugh (out of  _ fondness _ ) and he scampered over, pulling the window open so Rich could get out of the cold.

“Am I ever gonna get that hoodie back?” He stepped back so that Rich could drop down into his room, taking his shoes off so that he wouldn’t track snow across the floor.

“ _ It’s  _ warmer than my jacket!” There was a twinge of defensiveness in his voice, he curled in on himself a bit, Michael was sure his face was red from the cold. Rich slipped around him, throwing himself onto the bed and leaving Michael to close the window, lodging the piece of wood back into place. He heard his laptop shut and turned to see Rich carefully placing it on the ground. That was enough of a cue for him.

“It’s fine, I have a ton.” His voice was softer now and he approached slowly, not unlike one would approach a stray animal, with a lot of care. He placed himself on the bed gently, sinking down and settling his head on the pillow. Rich took up the space beside him, facing where Michael lay on his back, he curled up, hugging his knees to his chest.

“ _ So _ .. uh.” There was a beat where he hesitated, letting his eyes flutter shut. “My dad  _ has  _ been drinking.  _ Usually  _ he’ll  _ pass  _ out by nine but he  _ was  _ out late and.. I didn’t want to be there anymore.”

It was silent, the only sound was the hum of the house around them. It opened a pit in Michael’s stomach and he turned his head, their noses were only an inch apart.

“Fuck, man.” Rich’s response was to squeeze his eyes shut a little tighter, to clench his jaw. “You know you can come over whenever right? And.. and if I’m not awake just come knock on my window - seriously.”

“Yeah..” his voice seemed to shake and Michael watched him swallow thickly. “Yeah, okay.”

For a while they laid there in silence, Rich kept his eyes shut and Michael just kept watching him. Soon enough he saw his jaw unclench, his brows unfurrowed. With that Michael turned his gaze back upwards, towards the ceiling, arms crossed over his stomach. He thought about telling his moms, about doing something to get Rich out of there.. but he wasn’t sure what they could do. Communities liked to keep things quiet, if Rich was still there it was likely his dad wasn’t going to let him go easy. All he could do was to keep opening his window, to keep welcoming Rich into his home. That was the only thing he had control over.

Another morning came where Michael woke up with Rich pressed against his back, his arm wrapped tight around Michael’s middle.

* * *

School was.. bearable. Though, it was only their first day back, there wasn’t too much to go off of. There was a bit of tenseness, though Michael did his best to mask it. He didn’t speak to Jeremy for a week after their fight, the next week they only spoke once, over text. Then they ended up calling. Michael told him about therapy, told him how he’d been spending time with Rich, told him that he missed him - the person he was outside of Christine. He was able to break through his anger enough to genuinely tell Jeremy that he should see about therapy himself, it was gentle, not condescending. Surprisingly he agreed, they ended the call shortly thereafter. Over the next few weeks they talked a few times, small and scattered conversations. Towards the end of winter break he’d learned that Jeremy  _ had _ started going to therapy and that he and Christine broke up - well, Jeremy called it a  _ break  _ as he insisted that he just needed time to recover from the squip. Michael bit back an ‘I told you so’ because Jeremy really was starting to try.

They hadn’t seen each other in person since the beginning of break, which made it.. strange. They had first lunch together (along with Rich) while the rest of their friends had second, they were all in the same class afterwards (yearbook). The class had been a bit too social for Michael and Jeremy’s taste so they’d steered clear, Michael wasn’t sure why Rich hadn’t taken it, though, considering how close he was with the others. Either way, it made for an interesting lunch to say the least.

“Mell! Thank god, I thought I’d have to do lunch alone.” For once Michael decided to be present and skip his 7/11 run, mostly in the interest of scoping out his lunch post break - if he  _ had  _ gone he might have missed Rich, so, really, his plan worked. They hadn’t exactly talked last semester (at least on A days, the whole squad had B day lunch together) so naturally they had no clue they shared lunch. Michael was usually content to hide away in the library or his car. He was alright with forgoing a slushie (for at least a day) to spend lunch with Rich. It was a trade off.

“Aw, hell yeah, dude.” He shifted over on the bench so that Rich could plop down next to him. A sideways glance showed him that Rich pulled a water bottle and a bag of chips from his backpack - something told him that was all the lunch that the other managed. He elected not to say anything, starting in on a bag of cheez-its. “If we’re eating lunch together you better start coming with me for slushies. Also, Jer had this lunch last semester, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s around. Just be cool about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be cool?” Rich shoved a few chips in his mouth, rolling his eyes a bit. “I  _ was  _ in a friend group with him, remember.  _ Shit _ , I.. you know what I mean.  _ Plus _ , I talked to him in the  _ hospital  _ and we  _ just  _ interacted in the group chat you don’t check  _ yesterday _ . What I’m trying to  _ say _ ..  _ is  _ don’t worry about me. If you  _ say he’s  _ been nicer to you I’m gonna  _ trust  _ that.”

“Thanks,” before Michael could continue, Rich piped up again, cutting him off.

“ _ Unless  _ you want me to tear into him for being mean to you over break.” By now Michael could hear in his voice that he was only half joking. A smile played on the corner of his lips and he distracted himself by grabbing the bottle of coke tucked into the side of his backpack.

For a moment it was quiet, the two of them went about eating while scrolling through twitter. Every few minutes Rich would snicker and turn his phone to show Michael some sort of nonsense. He was just happy that their new normal hadn’t disappeared the second they walked back through the doors of Middleborough.

“Uh, hey Michael.. Rich. Could I, uh, sit?” Raising his head Michael was met with the sight of Jeremy, he stood across from them, fingers gripping the edge of his lunch tray tightly. He had a cardigan on that Michael hadn’t seen before, it looked nice, in a different way. He didn’t want to speak too soon but.. he seemed like he had some semblance of normal. Rich was less trusting though, Michael could see the way his fingers drummed on the table but he knew that Michael didn’t need his protection, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Yeah Jer.” He gave a short nod to the spot across from him and Jeremy poorly reeled in a beaming smile, that was the guy he missed. He wouldn’t trade his time with Rich for anything, but it felt good, it was different than when he was with Rich.. He just couldn’t place why. “What’s up?”

“Math sucks, nothing new.” As he sat there was an underlying tenseness - Michael only hoped that the current rift between Rich and Jeremy could be bridged. At least he believed it could if Jeremy continued to try and mend  _ their  _ friendship. “What’s up with you guys?”

“We had english this morning - it was alright, yeah?” With his answer he tipped his head towards Rich, waiting on a confirmation.

“Yeah, well it  _ was  _ funny  _ since  _ I forgot we even had the  _ class  _ together.” Rich lowered his voice a bit, a look came over his face that Michael couldn’t quite place. “I think my  _ squip  _ tried to keep me from  _ noticing  _ you - I think it knew you were a threat.. after mine and  _ yours synced  _ up, Jeremy. Then I  _ was  _ in the  _ hospital  _ and did a lot of work from home.  _ It’s  _ funny now, though.”

“Now I don’t have to suffer through it alone,” Michael added on the end, elbowing Rich lightly. He noticed that Jeremy twitched a bit, biting his lip. The idea that he was  _ jealous  _ was a little entertaining to him, perhaps that was a bit mean.

There was a lull in their conversation and the boys set about eating their lunch, idly scrolling on their phones. When Michael saw Rich finish his chips, crumpling up the bag, he reached for the half of his sandwich he’d purposefully left uneaten.

“Hey, here.” He held the sandwich out, his other arm moved to prop up on the table, giving him a spot to rest his chin. “I ate too many cheez-its but I don’t wanna waste it.”

The slight smile that crept onto Rich’s face was well worth it and Michael ignored the look he caught from Jeremy out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t tell if there was jealousy or confusion there - they used to share lunches together so Jeremy knew that Michael didn’t have leftovers, he gave up food because he  _ wanted  _ to. It hadn’t been performative but afterwards Michael began to wonder if seeing how close he’d gotten to Rich would help ease Jeremy into trusting him. 

* * *

Lunch had gone fine all things considered but Michael had begun to dread the end of the day. After Jeremy had gotten out of the hospital Michael had driven him home up until break (when they were pretending everything was fine) but he’d promised to drive Rich home since he lived closer to him than Jake did. Instead of waiting inside he hung out by his car, texting Rich where he was parked (he’d tried to insist on driving him to school as well but he’d been unsuccessful) he felt a sigh escape him as he got a text alert from someone else.

**jeremy (3:02 pm):** don’t worry about driving me home i’m catching a ride with christine  
**jeremy (3:02 pm):** i’ll see you tomorrow man!  
**michael (3:03 pm):** ok dude!! see ya!

With that weight off his chest he felt as if all the stress of the day had been lifted from his shoulders. Maybe things would work out, maybe Jeremy and Rich  _ could _ be friends. Or they could at least get along for Michael’s sake. A hand on his arm jolted him from his thoughts and he let out a short yelp - Rich’s cackle left his face flushed.

“Oh my god, fuck you dude.” There was an amused breathlessness to his voice as he couldn’t hold back a laugh of his own. “Let’s go, are you coming over today?”

“Dude, yeah. Duh.” He flung open the car door and climbed over the driver’s seat, then placing himself in the seat he’d now claimed as his own, tossing his backpack behind him.

“Holy shit, please get in my car normally next time.” His tone bordered on exasperated, but he couldn’t help his fondness from cutting through it, “I can’t believe you.”

“Keep it up and I’ll  _ start  _ coming in through the windowth, Mell.” The slip up had him frozen, this was something he’d seen before - Michael tried to ignore it, having moved to put his bag in the back seat. He kept his eyes averted for a moment, on the edge of his vision he caught Rich bringing the heel of his hand against the side of his skull harshly. The dull thud made him bite his tongue and he finally sunk into the driver’s seat, starting the car up without a word.

“Are.. you gonna stay for dinner tonight? I think we’re doing enchiladas.” The tone was subdued, he noticed that Rich himself seemed a bit subdued.

“Could I?” It was spoken far too softly to have come from  _ Rich _ and he seemed to notice it himself, giving himself a shake and putting on a smile before Michael could comment on it. “Your  _ moms _ make like.. the  _ best enchiladas _ .”

“Dude, yeah. I told you, they said you could come over whenever.”

“I.. know.  _ It’s just  _ hard to believe  _ sometimes _ , ya know? Don’t wanna intrude.”

* * *

To Michael’s (and unbeknownst to him, Rich’s) dismay, they didn’t see each other much as school kicked into full gear. He hated to turn Rich away but once homework started up Michael had a hard time focusing if he was around. (Though every time he told Rich he couldn’t stay over he made sure to ask if he would be okay without him.) That didn’t mean they stopped texting, though, it was always a welcomed break from whatever he was working on. Most nights they would talk on the phone - on the best nights Michael would be able to hear Rich drift to sleep before finally hanging up some time past midnight. When the shift came they just adapted, Rich started staying over for whole weekends, coming home with Michael after school on friday and not leaving until Sunday afternoon. He and Jeremy weren’t quite at the point of hanging out like they used to (aside from the occasional after school game session, though he always left before the sun went down) but they would call sometimes over the weekends. He and Rich would be sprawled out on his bed, Rich tapping away on his phone while Michael spoke. Often their legs were crossed over each other’s.

This routine kept up through January and extended into February, most weekends were spent together, but when his dad got too suspicious he would head home for most of the day before sneaking out and going right back to Michael’s window well. At least once a week they carved out time for each other between homework - sometimes they had an extra night where they attempted to work on something together. It never went well, they would get halfway through before Rich would start to complain. It only took him asking once to pull Michael away from his work so they could start watching some YouTube video in bed. He had a soft spot.

A soft spot that people started to question.

**jeremy (7:05 pm):** hey micah did you figure out the last problem for algebra 2?  
**michael (7:12 pm):** im workin on it rn ill let u know dude :p  
**jeremy (7:13 pm):** lol you’re starting to text like rich  
**michael (7:14 pm):** omfg i hate that ur right  
**michael (7:14 pm): *** youreeeee omfggg  
**jeremy (7:15 pm):** also dude i know you guys hang out all the time but could we do something friday night?  
**michael (7:16 pm):** shit yeah dude ill let rich know  
**michael (7:16 pm):** hell survive a friday night without me  
**michael (7:17 pm):** besides im pretty sure he wants to do somethin w jake this weekend  
**jeremy (7:22 pm):** oh also micah i had a question  
**michael (7:24 pm):** shoot dudeeee  
**jeremy (7:25 pm):** i hope im not too far off the mark  
**jeremy (7:25 pm):** are you into rich?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always comments are appreciated <33


	6. Chapter 6

**michael (7:27 pm):** fuck man

* * *

Friday night came down on Michael in what seemed to be the blink of an eye - for once a school week went by like it was nothing. Though, with each day there were new waves of anxiety, suffice it to say, he had a _lot_ of things on his mind. In an attempt to keep himself from breaking down before the weekend he tried to keep himself focused on the most relevant issue. Well, perhaps it was rude to say that hanging out with Jeremy was an _issue_ , he was just stressed.

Though, he was surprised to find that as soon as he walked Jeremy down to the basement and sat down it felt.. normal. There were still some boundaries Michael knew he was going to have to set up, but for the time being they were able to just sit down and play Apocalypse of the Damned. The familiar startup music sent Michael back, for once it was in a good way.

“Holy shit, I missed this game.” It had been quite some time since they had played - maybe once towards the end of November, before winter break started up. “Even if we’re totally rusty.”

“You haven’t been playing?” Jeremy didn’t take his eyes off the screen, jerking to the side as he took a large hit of damage. 

“Nah, man. I just.. couldn’t.” Michael shrugged a bit, turning his head away slightly. “It didn’t feel right, you know? Besides, no matter how good I got I don’t think I could get past this level without you.”

“Aww, Micah,” it was mumbled with a poorly hidden grin. For a moment his voice bordered on the almost baby talking voice Michael would tease him with. “Thanks for waiting for me, I guess. I’ve missed playing this together.”

As he said it he turned his head, taking his eyes off the screen. Before he could say anything else he heard the tell-tale sound of his character dying and he let out a yelp. Michael groaned in response as he also succumbed to the zombies, slumping down into the bean bag and letting his controller gently slip to the ground. Jeremy mumbled apologetically raising a hand to rub at his face.

“I haven’t missed being shit at it, though.” Michael left his controller resting on the rug, letting his head loll back. He gave a laugh, though, hoping to break any tenseness raised by the loss at the level.

“Hey.. Micah.” Jeremy sat up, leaving his own controller on the ground as well. His hands moved to his lap, fidgeting a bit. Before the words left his lips Michael knew what was going to come out - Jeremy could be an open book at times. “Are you going to talk to Rich?”

At first the only response from Michael was a low groan.

“You’re gonna make me talk about this, huh?” After a beat he raised his head, an almost panicked expression crossed his features. “Shit, that sounded kinda dickish. I’m just like..stressed about this shit.”

“Dude, I get it. I’ve been on the other side of this. I’m not trying to push you or anything. Just.. from what I’ve seen of you guys it’s like.. _dude_ it seems so crazy obvious.” Jeremy sat up a bit straighter, leaning in to try and read Michael’s expression. “Man.. the way he looks at you.”

“No way man.” Michael sighed and leaned forward now, resting his head in his hands. After a beat he shifted, running his hands through his hair, leaving it ruffled. He couldn’t help but think about how he needed a haircut. “We’re just friends - I think he’s just.. he’s happy that we’re there for each other. He comes over a lot when.. stuff’s bad at home.”

“Well that’s like.. part of it man. You’re so.. _good_ , you know? He can tell that if he trusts you. Obviously he cares about you. Besides, there’s no way he’s not at least _attracted_ to you.” Despite Michael’s noise of disbelief Jeremy pushed on. “You remember in the hospital, he asked if you were single!”

“Dude, I think I was just the first guy he saw after realizing he was bi. That’s just kinda how it is sometimes. I saw him in there a few times before you woke up.. I think he just kinda went along with it and clung to me a bit. Now we’re just friends.”

“You gotta be kidding me, Micah-”

“Fuck, man! He’s like.. he’s perfect,” his voice went a bit shrill and his hands shot into the air, his face twisted in distress. He almost looked desperate, voice straining as he kept talking, “I mean, he’s not, but he’s perfect in a not perfect way. He’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, he’s so.. nice, he cares so much, I don’t wanna lose that. I don’t want to lose that for his sake either, I can’t scare him off, this is his safe space I don’t want to take that away from him.”

“Dude, dude.” Jeremy tentatively reached out, not enough to touch him but enough to urge him to calm down. “I know that it’s hard but like.. you told me you wake up to him _spooning_ you. I don’t want you to miss your shot.. Micah, you deserve someone like him.”

“Yeah, yeah,” it’s dismissive and Michael rubs at his eyes under his glasses - he wasn’t crying but he could easily start. “You and I accidentally ended up spooning sometimes before, it’s ‘cause we share a bed. I don’t even think he knows, I always wake up before him.. I.. Fuck, can we.. just try and beat this level? We can talk about it later but.. I just wanna play.”

“Of course, man.”

They picked up their controllers and tried again. And again. The night began to melt away, it was no worry though, they’d already planned on him staying the night. When they were met with another game over screen they melted into laughter, the tension had begun to slip - it was almost _normal_. Though, while Michael was sure it would never go back to how they were the previous summer.. but that was okay. (Yet another thing his therapist reminded him of.) 

The break was welcome - and needed - and Jeremy took the opportunity to change into some more comfortable pants, running off to the bathroom. With the game over screen’s music as his soundtrack Michael picked up his phone, for once he hadn’t been checking it every few minutes. What he was met with made his stomach drop.

 **rich (6:46 pm):** ughhh jake had to go home early and now ur busy so i cant bug uuuu  
**rich (7:47 pm):** uh, hey michael?  
**rich (7:49 pm):** i know ur w jeremy fucj sorry  
**rich (7:50 pm):** i dont wanna ruin that  
**rich (8:02 pm):** im in ur backyard im srry i didnt know where else to go?  
**michael (8:05 pm):** fuck  
**michael (8:05 pm):** hold on man im gonna open the window

As Michael stood up he heard his bathroom door open, Jeremy shot him a confused look as he hurried over to the window well, nearly tripping on his beanbag. His chest felt tight and he struggled to pull the piece of wood free, tossing a look back at Jeremy over his shoulder.

“Rich is here - I think something happened. I’m sorry, I know this was our night but.. I think it’s bad.” Jeremy took a few tentative steps forward, stuffing his jeans into the bag that sat at the end of Michael’s bed.

“ _Dude_ , it’s fine. Our game isn’t more important if something’s wrong.” It was punctuated with a smile, but Michael could see the poorly veiled concern. The words made Michael’s shoulders relax and he shot Jeremy a shaky smile in return as he finally wrestled the window open. Not a minute passed before Rich’s feet hit the bottom of the window well, a sound that Michael was beyond familiar with. In response he took a step back, giving Rich space to hop down.

When he did Michael felt as if he could cry.

The first thing he noticed was the split lip. The second was the deep bruise blossoming around his eye. Any words died on his tongue, a strangled noise was all that made it out before he was leaning forward. He opened up his arms and Rich all but collapsed against his chest. Not even a second passed after that before the sobs fell out, his shoulders shuddering. It all seemed to happen so quick that it made Michael’s head spin. With Rich cradled close to his chest he took small steps away from the window and looked over the top of Rich’s head at Jeremy. He seemed to get it and suddenly Michael was even more grateful of all the years they’d spent together. Sometimes you needed someone who could just _understand_ you. He slipped around the two and moved to close the window before too much of the heat could be let out.

Time seemed to freeze after that, Jeremy fixed Michael with a worried look as he held onto Rich, unsure of what to do next. The sobs faded into hiccups, which then faded into harsh breathing, which ultimately slowed until it was nearly normal. Jeremy paced the room nervously but he kept it mostly to himself, not wanting to put any further stress onto the situation he maneuvered himself away from the others, placing himself by the tv.

“Fuck.” Rich’s voice was what finally broke the silence. It was muffled against Michael’s hoodie but he could still hear how it shook. 

“It’s alright, just hang on, Rich.” Michael kept his voice low, his anxiety was slowly morphing into anger - his hands twitched, fighting the urge to ball up as he pulled away, instead placing his hands on Rich’s shoulders. “Here, sit down.”

Carefully he walked Rich backwards until he let himself sink down onto the bed. Michael had never seen him look so _small_ , and it wasn’t just the hoodie. He was wearing it, when wasn’t he? The green fabric covered his hands and he used it to rub at his nose. Michael had never understood the romanticization of crying, he’d seen Jeremy messy cry, he’d had his own breakdowns.. and now he saw Rich. More than ever he just didn’t get movies (and straight people). He didn’t want to just ‘wipe away his tears’ or something romantic - he wanted to go to his house and give Rich’s dad a piece of his mind. His train of thought was derailed as Rich lifted his head a bit, his gaze shot between Michael and Jeremy, immediately the eye contact proved to be too much and he buried his face in his hands.

“I.. I didn’t know where to go.” All the brashness was gone from his voice, all of the spark and he seemed to notice this. While it was very obvious that he wasn’t okay Michael had come to learn vulnerability wasn’t his strong suit. Something akin to panic swam in his eyes and he threw on a smile that almost came across as manic. As he spoke he tried to force a laugh into it, the result was just _off_. “C-Can’t keep me away, Mikey.”

“Jer?” At Michael’s voice Jeremy’s head whipped up and he gave an almost frantic nod. “Can you get some ice from upstairs?”

With that he was gone, hauling himself up the stairs. Again a relief washed over Michael that Jeremy was there, having someone who knew his house like the back of their hand made it easier. He needed all the help he could. Besides, he felt a bit proud of him, he knew it wasn’t easy to be in a situation like the one they were in and Jeremy was handling it. After the basement door shut it seemed like Rich broke down again. Too exhausted for sobs he simply curled in on himself, head dropping into his hands.

“Rich? Could you look at me?” The only response was a low whine as Rich slowly lifted his head, his eyes were shut, his lip was nearly quivering. Michael didn’t want to ask but he wanted to be sure. “Your.. your dad?”

“Yeth - _fuck_ ,” he cut himself off and Rich jerked his arm away - it was a motion Michael was familiar with and before he knew what he was doing his hand wrapped around Rich’s wrist, keeping him from getting closer to his head. The initial flinch broke Michael’s heart but it would have been much worse to see Rich punish himself for his way of speaking (again).

“It’s okay, you.. you don’t have to talk anymore. Jeremy’s gonna get you some ice and then we’re gonna sit down. You can watch us play.. or, or we could start up a documentary.” There was no response, no _verbal_ response, but Michael felt Rich’s arm go slack and he let it lower before releasing his grip. The next part came out choked, barely audible, “if you had just been here tonight..”

Rich cut him off with a hand closing around the fabric of his sleeve, looking up at him, his eyes wide with pleading. He could almost hear it, Rich telling him not to blame himself, words spoken with care to cover up the lisp he’d learned to dread. He just swallowed thickly and dropped the subject, the sound of the door grabbing his attention. Jeremy stumbled down the stairs, catching himself on the banister and Michael could have laughed if Rich wasn’t sitting before him with a blossoming black eye. 

“ _So_.. _so_ tall, can’t keep your own _legs_ under control?” Rich’s voice caught them both off guard, there was an almost panicked lilt to it, his eyes seemed to dart around the room as he let out a sharp bark of a laugh.

Michael and Jeremy shared a look, their expressions mirrored each other, creased with worry. Finally Jeremy had made his way back over to them and with shaky hands he offered up an ice pack wrapped in a layer of paper towels. Michael moved to take it - as he did Rich’s hand released its vice-like grip on his sleeve.

“Okay, this is gonna be cold,” it was a whisper and Michael started by raising a hand to Rich’s cheek, biting his tongue at the way he flinched. He supported his head with his palm while the other hand raised the ice pack up to his eye. He was careful with the pressure, not wanting to bother the bruise too much. Rich’s hands seemed to be looking for something to do, he rubbed them back and forth, almost frantically, across his legs.

“H-hey Rich, Michael s-said you guys have been watching documentaries. I’m gonna put one on, w-we can all watch one.” Michael hadn’t heard that stutter in months and it broke his heart a bit further, seeing the way Jeremy flinched. After seeing Rich reacting to his lisp slipping out only moments earlier it stung a bit more, part of him wished there was some way he could just take their squips out back for a brawl - while it would be impossible regardless he still felt an inkling of comfort knowing that they were long gone. He would have done anything to shoulder some of the trauma that those close to him held.

“You.. you _sound_ like a fuckin’ pre-k teacher.” That was Rich. While he may have been sitting before them, nearly trembling as Michael held ice to his face.. that sounded like Rich. It was enough to let them relax, even if just slightly.

“H-Hey!” Jeremy’s face lit up a bit and Michael couldn’t help but let his lips twitch into a smile. It felt right, as much as it could under the circumstances.

They fell quiet after that, so Jeremy just scampered over back towards the tv, shutting off AotD so he could pull up Netflix. Michael heard him swiping through the selection, his list was full of things they wanted to watch after spending a night planning their next few weeks of content. Silently he lowered his hand from Rich’s cheek, moving to wrap his hand around his, slowly lifting it so that he could hold the ice pack to his own face. He couldn’t help the slight hitch in his breath feeling Rich’s hand in his - it felt rough, it felt warm. It felt like everything he wanted and more.. and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, he looked so vulnerable.

“Come on, let’s go sit down.” Michael gently took Rich’s shoulder in his hand, gently pulling until he rose on shaky legs. He let his hand drop now, slowly making his way towards the beanbags and sinking down into one. He held out his arms and his own voice was nearly drowned out by his own heartbeat. “Hey, wanna come sit with me?”

There was a second where he wanted to curl up and cry, worried that he’d gone too far but Rich was nodding and lowering himself down until he could settle in between Michael’s legs, his chest pressing up against his back. With that a silence fell over the room - an understanding. Jeremy moved to turn off the lights before hurrying back to his spot and pressing play on some documentary about sea life - something lighthearted. Rich relaxed against Michael’s chest, nearly going limp, shifting his feet around so that he could kick off his shoes. In spite of the circumstances it was _comfortable_ (to an extent).

After nearly an hour Michael felt Rich drop his ice pack, it fell onto his leg before tumbling to the ground, his only cue that the boy had fallen asleep. Despite everything it filled him with a sense of warmth, Rich felt safe enough to fall asleep against his chest. _Rich felt safe with him._ A glance to his side showed that Jeremy had dozed off in his own bean bag chair and Michael almost wanted to laugh, it was barely past 9pm. In good-natured defeat he let his head tip back and his eyes slip shut, he was just glad he’d already taken his binder off. There was no way he’d get up and leave Rich there any time soon.

Honestly he wished he would never have to leave him alone again (well, within reason).

* * *

If anything was a testament to how exhausted teens were it was the fact that none of the boys stirred until around 9am, a good twelve hours after they had all dozed off. Granted, Michael had woken up various times throughout the night, shifting around Rich’s body until they were tangled together in an effort to get comfortable in the chair. As far as he knew Rich hadn’t woken up at all, and if he _had.._ he hadn’t objected to Michael pulling him in towards his chest, both arms wrapped around his middle. 

Whenever Michael had woken up to them spooning Rich had been the big spoon, curled up towards his back, but this time it was different. He let his glasses drop to the floor, glad the rug quieted their clatter, and pressed his face against the back of Rich’s head, there wasn’t an inch of space between them anymore. His hair was soft, it didn’t smell much like anything but.. it was Rich, whatever it was that Rich smelled like, he liked it. Something seemed to ping in the back of his head, he’d remembered reading something about being attracted to the scent of someone you liked, even if it wasn’t anything in particular. His face went hot and he tried to ignore it, pushing his nose up against the back of Rich’s neck. It wasn’t the time to be thinking about it.

The first to stir was Jeremy, he’d fallen asleep right after Rich so it wasn’t surprising. He rolled off his bean bag groggily and sat up, surveying the scene. Michael was half hanging off his chair, Rich was partially in his lap, and somehow they were spooning. He didn’t want to break the scene but he also felt a twinge of awkwardness. Steeling himself he just reached out and gave Michael’s shoulder a shake.

“Hey, Micah.” It was whispered, almost harshly, as he leaned towards his friend a bit. Before he could give him another shake his friend was blinking his eyes open, arms tightening around Rich as he came into consciousness. “I’m gonna go home, I’m gonna walk so you can stay here with Rich. I’ll text you later - tell me how he is.”

For the first time in a while his voice was small and even through his sleep-clouded mind Michael could pick up on it, he picked up on Jeremy’s concern. It wasn’t quite the time to smile but his lips twitched a bit at it, his plan was working, Jeremy seemed to understand that Rich was different now, that Michael trusted him, forgave him. His heart sunk though, if it took Rich getting hurt he wasn’t sure he wanted it anymore.

“Mhm, yeah I’ll text you,” his words were slurred with sleep and through squinted eyes he saw Jeremy’s blurry form head up the stairs and leave. Tiredness seemed to take over again and he let his eyes slip shut - he hadn’t gotten this much sleep in weeks. Instead of facing the day he pressed his face back into Rich’s hair and let out a long breath.

It seemed like only a second passed when Michael shifted next, the sun had moved, now its light cut across the room differently, now falling over his face. He squinted against the light, puffing out an annoyed huff of breath. Before he could will himself to drift back under he felt Rich shifting in his arms - it was like a jolt and he was hyper aware of where he was, where they were. Out of boundary-related fear he tried to keep his breaths even, loosening his grip a bit, he could just pretend to be asleep and Rich could move away. Though.. he felt a heaviness in his chest when he did, it felt colder without him in his arms. He had it bad.

“Michael?” His voice almost sounded raw, it was low with a sort of shakiness to it. It took everything Michael had to not suddenly jump up and just hold Rich until everything melted away around them. “Hey.. Michael.”

Yeah, he had it _real_ bad. 

“Hmm,” he hummed under his breath, putting on a bit of a show of blinking his eyes open. He was nearly disrupted as Rich came slightly into focus, even without his glasses he could see the dark mark that had bloomed around his eye. “Yeah, Rich?”

There was a moment where silence fell between them as Michael leaned over to grab his glasses. He almost wished he hadn’t slipped them on because Rich looked _horrible_ , horrible and beautiful and so overwhelmingly sad that Michael could have broken down right there. His lip was a bit puffy, it seemed to have scabbed over, though, at least he would be okay (physically). As he sat up he got a better view. Rich was kneeling on the ground in front of the bean bag chair and when Michael leaned forward they were nearly face to face.

“I’m.. _s-sorry_ about _last_ night..” He was shaking his head, a hand moving up to his face, fingertips dancing over the edge of his bruising. “I didn’t want to interrupt but.. I didn’t know who to go to.”

“Rich, Rich,” he kept his voice soft, before he could think about it his hand was on Rich’s shoulder. He flinched - Michael wasn’t surprised but it still _sucked_ , to see Rich afraid felt wrong, but it didn’t last long. After a beat his shoulders slumped and he relaxed into Michael’s touch. “You know you can always come here, I.. I’m sure it’d be fine if you needed.. If you wanted to stay here for a few days, or a week..or..”

Any words died on his lips as Rich all but fell forward, lowering himself into Michael’s arms. Easily enough Michael brought his arms back up, wrapping them around him - the warmth flooded back over him as he felt Rich’s body against him. It was enough for them, for the time being.

Soon they would have to face the world, they’d have to face Michael’s moms, they’d have to figure out what was going to happen.

“I.. thank you. For.. everything.” Rich swallowed thickly, sitting back on his heels until there was enough space between them to meet eyes. Michael’s arms slipped down and he put his hands in his lap. For a minute neither of them said anything, they just took each other in as they had so many times.

“I told you like.. you don’t have to thank me. You know you’re always welcome here.” Michael put on a tense smile, his hands twitched in his lap, fingers gripping at the fabric of his pants. He shifted so that he could tuck one of his legs under himself, his gaze flitting around for a moment. The more he looked at the black eye the more nauseous he felt. “Always.”

“Mell,” it was soft, dripping with a fondness that Michael would deny until the day he died. A nervous laugh spilled from Rich's lips and he absentmindedly moved to touch the scab forming over his lip. “You’re too fuckin’ good for me man.”

“I thought,” he picked up on the attempt to move towards some semblance of normalcy, “that the _great_ Richard Goranski was the one who was too good for me? Wasn’t that what you said when you beat my high score on fuckin’ Frogger?”

“Watch it, your Pac-Man score is next.” 

Despite everything Rich was smiling, and that meant Michael had done something right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated !!! :~) <3  
> also im on tumblr as antpelts and like honestly feel free to send any requests my way for any pairing out of michael rich and jer i love my three boys


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also known as the chapter where we see how rich feels

“Michael.” He didn’t want to talk about it - of course he didn’t.

“Rich, I’m serious. I’m.. I’m not gonna ask you to go to the cops or run away or anything.. even if I want to.” A moment passed where Rich fixed Michael with a harsh look, it would have been more intimidating if he hadn’t snuck in through his window last night, sobbing. Neither would mention it though. “I just want to help, it sucks to see you like this.”

“Well, I _just_ can’t! I can’t do anything about it! You’ll have to deal with it, _besides_ ,” he swallowed thickly, sinking down lower into the bean bag chair, “you aren’t the one who got fucking..”

There was no need to finish the sentence, so he didn’t. 

As of 2pm Michael’s moms still had no idea he was there, he’d rather they didn’t. It was sort of an unspoken thing, Rich’s father. Communities talked, and communities trusted men they shouldn’t. He knew what questions would come if he reported it, people would wonder; ‘why didn’t you fight back?’. It wasn’t right, if anyone knew that it was Rich, but he kept telling himself he only had less than two years left, then he was free. His brother made it out, he’d make it out.

“Fine,” Michael spoke shortly, sinking lower in his own seat next to Rich. After a beat he sighed, tone softening, “just promise me you’ll come here when you need to.”

“For what?” The venom shocked both of them, if anyone had asked him Rich would say he had no idea why he did it. He supposed he had some sort of anger problem, or perhaps a problem with letting people care about him. Maybe he just wanted control over something. “ _So_ you can threaten to call the _cops_ or _so_ you can feel good for taking care of me or _something,_ huh?”

“I,” Michael’s brow furrowed and Rich bit the inside of his cheek, letting his gaze wander. He tried to ignore the hurt that lingered in his eyes. “It’s not like that Rich.”

“I’m going home.” It was abrupt, almost as abrupt as he got up from the chair. He balled his fists into the extra fabric of Michael’s hoodie, the green had become too familiar to him. An anger grew in the pit of his stomach and he struggled to find the source - all he knew was that he was angry and that he wanted to lash out, to do anything. He finally found control in the form of pulling off the hoodie, letting out a low groan as it caught on his head, agitating his bruise. He heard Michael getting up out of his chair and it urged him to move faster, keeping his back turned - he knew if he looked at him it would make everything harder.

“Rich.” Michael’s voice fell on deaf ears. Rich just kept his head down, shoving his feet into his shoes, crushing the heel down and not bothering to fix it before rushing over to the window well. “It’s cold.”

It was all too familiar, it reminded Rich of the hoodie he left abandoned on Michael’s bed. He knew he’d be fine, he could make it home in under ten minutes, a t-shirt would do. So he pulled the window open (Jeremy hadn’t put the piece of wood back the night before) and he hauled himself up. Michael could hear a grunt as he struggled to pull himself up and out into the yard. His hands planted into the snow and he bit his tongue, getting to his feet as quick as he could.

Then he was gone.

* * *

**jake (4:22 pm):** you what?  
**jake (4:22 pm):** i thought you guys were like really good friends now?  
**rich (4:23 pm):** well he fuckin got up in my business  
**rich (4:24 pm):** tryin to do smthn abt my dad  
**jake (4:25 pm):** well you know how we all feel about that  
**rich (4:25 pm):** dont fuckin start  
**jake (4:26 pm):** i know.  
**jake (4:26 pm):** i just want you to be safe. i’m sure we all do.  
**rich (4:27 pm):** whatevr  
**rich (4:28 pm):** u give me space. i dont need him breathing down my neck abt my dad i already have to fckin deal with it  
**rich (4:28 pm):** probably just wants to feel good abt himself “”””taking care of me”””””” or whatever  
**jake (4:30 pm):** rich… i’ve seen you guys together. you guys spend so much time together. he’s your friend.  
**rich (4:31 pm):** i dont need him to take care of me  
**jake (4:32 pm):** okay

With a groan he dropped back onto his bed - Jake used to do the same stuff Michael had been doing. Towards the end of sophomore year he’d spent nearly every night with Jake (after he’d gotten top surgery he snuck out and stayed there for most of his recovery), he’d showed up more than once with bruises.

Jake had backed off once Rich had started to get defensive, though he always made it clear he didn’t like the situation. They’d reached a sort of understanding and Jake stopped pushing the issue in the interest of not pushing Rich away. He _knew_ that Jake would take Michael’s side, and that made it all the harder to stay mad. He held onto his anger though, scared of who he would be without it.

 **michael (5:32 pm):** rich im sorry  
**michael (5:32 pm):** it was just… scary  
**michael (5:32 pm):** to see you hurt  
**michael (6:04 pm):** my windows unlocked if you ever need it

Of course he didn’t respond, how could he? The second he gave Michael his attention it would be over, he would cave. He regretted leaving the hoodie though, even if everything about it screamed Michael.. it was cold without it. More than literally. Over two months it had morphed into a sort of security blanket, while the thought embarrassed him it was true.

 **jeremy (6:12 pm):** hey rich!  
**jeremy (6:13 pm):** i wanted to see if you were feeling any better?  
**jeremy (6:13 pm):** (and no michael didn’t put me up to this but yes i heard about it)  
**rich (6:14 pm):** im fine i guess  
**jeremy (6:15 pm):** alright man you can text me  
**jeremy (6:15 pm):** if you need to talk to someone who isn’t jake or micah  
**rich (6:15 pm):** fuck  
**rich (6:16 pm):** thnks man

After that his phone was quiet, a few snapchat notifications would pop up but he was sure it was just late day streaks. Nothing to give his attention to. Nothing he _wanted_ to give his attention to.

Time dragged on tortuously slow, it seemed to be spiting him. He rolled over in bed, arms tightening around a pillow. His mind seemed to simultaneously be moving far too fast and far too slow, he couldn’t place any specific thoughts, it seemed like they escaped him too quickly. So he just rolled over again, the light outside had faded - he didn’t notice his window go dark. The lamp on his desk burned, though, it felt like it was directed at him.. no matter how stupid the thought seemed. He let his gaze wander away from it, on top of a bin, next to his desk sat the bear he’d gotten in the hospital. Something hit him, leaving him out of breath.

 **rich (7:28 pm):** jake  
**rich (7:29 pm):** u said u didnt get me that get well bear right  
**jake (7:30 pm):** yeah, by the time i visited you already had it. why?  
**rich (7:31 pm):** just wondering

It stuck in his head for hours. The only logical answer was that Michael gave him the bear, right? No one else had visited him in the hospital (aside from Jake, after he’d recovered a bit), no one but Michael.. and that itself was a byproduct. It made his chest hurt. In a rush he rolled out of bed, he grabbed the bear, pushing it under his bed. It seemed to stare right through him and he just couldn’t take it, though he couldn’t bring himself to _hurt_ it in any way. He was careful as he tucked it away, hands almost too gentle. He needed to do something.

Before his mind could catch up he already found his body on autopilot, grabbing his long discarded jacket from a pile of laundry. He grabbed his keys from his nightstand, too, he had been locked out before and without Michael’s basement as a safe haven he needed to be able to get back inside his house. After a second he grabbed his wallet too, he needed to give himself a reason to go out - a snack run wouldn’t hurt.

To say it was cold would be an understatement, well not literally but in some figurative way. The emptiness that put a pit in Rich’s chest did no good in keeping him comfortable as he headed down sidewalks, he moved from streetlight to streetlight, nearly melting away as he passed back into shadows. He went to the only place he could think of that he could easily reach on foot.

7/11 was different without Michael, he side eyed the slushie machine before disappearing into an aisle, putting it out of his sight. The fluorescent lights felt harsh, though he was already half squinting which helped to cut it down a bit. It was nearly silent, besides him the only person inside was the cashier, it made his footsteps stand out a lot more. He paced for nearly ten minutes, by the time he found himself in front of the chip selection he was sure the cashier thought they were about to get robbed. What delinquent with a black eye walked around 7/11 for ten minutes at nearly 10pm?

Evidently, he did. In the end he settled on a bag of doritos, cool ranch (Michael always bought him the nacho cheese ones when they came) and he headed out, pausing in the parking lot while pondering his options. Eventually he turned around and ducked into the alley behind the place, he wasn’t quite ready to go home. But.. he wasn’t quite hungry either. He opened the bag and just stared at it, back placed against the cold brick of the building across the alley from the 7/11 - he wasn’t quite sure what it was and wouldn’t bother checking. What did it matter? (Michael would have checked, he would have been too curious.)

Instead he fished around in his pocket, the weight of his spare lighter had been threatening to _burn a hole_ in it ever since he slipped it on. He hadn’t really worn it since the fall, with the hospital, staying home, and Michael’s hoodie he hadn’t had a reason to. His hand found the plastic of it easily, fingers wrapping around it as he pulled it out, looking at it in the dim light. The edges were a bit scuffed from being dropped a few too many times, it hadn’t broken though, yet. He thought it was lucky for that reason. He started to question that, flicking the flame into existence, sliding down the wall until he was sitting. The bag of chips sat in his lap now and he dug in, pulling out a chip and holding the corner up to the fire. His throat tightened. 

The chip caught fire easily, Rich was almost mesmerized watching it turn black under the burn. With a jolt he dropped the chip, it hit the pavement beside him, slowly burning itself out. With a breath he steeled himself, pulling out another chip and doing the same. He felt like he was suffocating - before it got too overwhelming he stood up, dropping the bag on the ground. For good measure he crouched down, holding the flame to the edge of the bag. As soon as the flame picked up he stumbled back, struggling to his feet.

It hadn’t given him the sense of control he’d been looking for. He dropped the lighter, he heard the plastic crack. He ran home.

 **jeremy (6:17 pm):** any time man  
**rich (10:43 pm):** i think im fcke op?  
**rich (10:44 pm):** somthns wrong w me i thikn?

“Rich? H-Hey man, where are you?” Jeremy’s voice crackled over the line and he almost immediately hung up. He never thought he’d call Jeremy Heere in his time of need. But.. he needed a (sort of) outside opinion.

“I’m home, I’m fine, like, _physically._ ” His breathing was a bit shallow, his free hand gripped at his bedsheets, knuckles going white. “I.. I think I’m having a panic attack?”

“Fuck, M-Michael’s better at this.. I, sorry.” He could hear Jeremy swallow thickly, shifting around wherever he was sitting. “Just.. take deep breaths? I try to like.. close my eyes and just breathe?”

“I don’t.. I don’t know why I did it.” Rich’s voice broke a bit and he winced, lip trembling. “I got.. _so_ comfortable around him - you know? I _started slipping_ up, _showing_ too much. Fuck, now I’m _oversharing_ with you.”

“N-No! I mean, you’re fine, it’s fine. He uh.. he has that effect, doesn’t he?” An almost bittersweet laugh filled the line and Rich wondered if the sudden sound jolted Jeremy as much as it did him. “He cares so much, you can’t help but tell him everything. I know exactly how it feels.”

“He.. yeah.” For a minute all that followed was the faint sound of static. It was only broken by a sharp intake of breath from Jeremy.

“Okay, s-sorry in advance but.. Basically I really.. hated you for a bit after we got out of the hospital? Then M-Micah spent so much time with you I was, like, mad. Part of me was still holding onto everything from these last few years and I just.. my brain didn’t want to forgive you.” Before he could continue Rich tried to butt in.

“Well, I mean yeah -”

“N-No.. let me finish?” It started strong but ended hesitant, almost like he was worried to make Rich mad. “I mean, okay, so.. I know I don’t owe you forgiveness but I think you deserve it in this case, I was just being dumb. I, of all people, knew what that shitty thing did and I understand you more than I thought I did. But I was really mad and.. that’s what Micah and I started fighting about. We had other issues to work through - that we’re still working through - but he got pissed b-because I was being kinda shitty and trying to get him to stop talking to you.”

“ _What’s_ your point?” Rich couldn’t help but sound a bit defeated, he couldn’t be mad but it _did_ sting a bit to be made aware that someone was talking shit about him. Though, he supposed he could forgive it - after everything.

“Michael’s worried about you.” Another pause. “He r-really, truly gives a shit about you. I’m.. almost jealous.”

“Oh.”

Oh.

“I.. think you can give it a bit still. I don’t th-think he expects you to immediately turn back to him. He’s worried but he feels bad?” Jeremy huffed out a noise that Rich couldn’t quite process - some sort of distressed sound. He couldn’t blame him, the situation at hand wasn’t normal by any means. “He just wants you to be okay.”

“Wait,” Rich shifted around, his tone shifting a bit more serious. “Hold on. Do you like him?”

“What?!”

“You.. if you’re like.. _jealous_ of me?” Inside of his head was a mixed bag of emotions. The thought of Michael caring about him enough so that his longest term friend was _jealous_ made him feel a bit giddy, on the other hand he couldn’t help but begin to think what was going on between the two. “Are you into him?”

“No! I.. shit. I was going to tell Michael first but.. I think I’m bi? I like Ch-Christine though, still.. I just, it feels kinda weird I guess?” There was a beat. “B-But I don’t like him, he’s like a brother to me, you know?”

“Oh. Damn, cool? I mean - _that’s_ good for you. I _guess squips_ turn people bi?” It was a joke (even if he would later admit it wasn’t particularly funny), anything to break the tension he started. “I.. I think he _likes_ you though.”

“Michael?” It was said almost incredulously and Rich nearly flinched at the intensity. “U-Uh, no way dude. Like I said - we’re like brothers. We definitely had some weird moments before but.. I promise he’s not into me. I know that f-for sure.”

There was another silence, Rich just bit his tongue. There were a hundred questions he wanted to ask but he just felt frozen. He supposed he was scared of the answers. Jeremy’s voice cutting through the static again brought him back to reality.

“I.. w-why, though?”

“Can’t a guy _just ask_ a _question,_ Heere?” It was harsh and entirely too defensive. 

“I m-mean it was more of an observation, but sure?” Rich almost felt bad, moving to curl up on his side, nearly lost in his comforter. “He.. I, uh. He thinks the world of you, Rich. Th-The way he talks about you, it’s like you h-hung the moon for him.”

“I gotta go.”

“Alright. I’ll.. see you later.”

Now he felt like he was having a panic attack for a completely different reason. He let his phone fall onto his bed, getting lost somewhere in the folds of his blanket. Guilt began to flood his frame and it became nearly unbearable, he _knew_ Michael was trying to protect him and all the anger he’d felt earlier that day seemed to just fizzle out. No matter how scary it was it also felt _good_ knowing that someone had his back. But there was also something different about it, something different in the way that Michael cared versus Jake. It wasn’t like he was _better_ at it, just different. He tried to ignore the glaring reason for that - he tried to ignore the sudden rush of feeling he got remembering waking up in Michael’s arms that morning. He tried to ignore the thoughts he had about Michael’s lips (they curled perfectly into a smile, they seemed soft).

If Michael thought he hung the moon.. then Rich thought that the sun was something Michael built in his tool shed for him.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know he liked Michael, he wanted to ask him to prom after all, it was just that as the weeks passed he almost felt wrong for liking him. There was a guilt, a new guilt he’d felt since coming out, a new guilt he’d felt since liking a boy and acknowledging it. They were friends and he felt like he was jeopardizing that with his feelings. His steam about prom was running out and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get himself to ask him anymore. He felt weak.

For a split second he missed parts of the person the squip had made him. He missed the confidence, it was the only good thing that nightmare had brought to his life. In its absence his old anxieties returned in different forms, it was both like and unlike how he felt in freshman year. It was.. more bearable now. Though, he couldn’t help but yearn for the burning confidence. He just had to fight to get it back, this time without a supercomputer in his brain.

* * *

The weekend passed silently, at least for Rich. He ignored any texts, really he only got texts from Jake and Jeremy who stopped pestering him once he sent out snapchat streaks - it was enough proof for them that Rich was alive and wanting to be left alone. It probably would have done him good to socialize but in the interest of not lashing out he isolated himself, living off of an assortment of chips and fruit juices.

Rich didn’t go to school on monday. (Michael ate lunch in the library.) He didn’t show up on tuesday. (Michael spent lunch getting high in his car.) By wednesday his black eye had begun to go down, but the swelling and discoloration were still pretty obvious. In the interest of his grades, Rich went to school. He reasoned that it was the first step towards building his confidence.

The halls felt too full and too empty all at once - as he pushed through people to get to his locker he felt suffocated and yet he felt too exposed as people shifted around to let him through. His eyes darted around as best they could, his peripheral was still a bit affected from the black eye. In an attempt to keep pursuing his confidence he internally urged himself to keep his head up, hands balling into fists. His inner voice had morphed for a second, it almost sounded like his squip, not quite but.. he’d heard it enough times and he found himself waiting for the shock. It rung out in his head. _Keep your head up. Stand straighter. Eyes up._

By the time he got to his locker he already felt mentally exhausted, it was far too early in the morning to be thinking about that. In that moment he would have done anything to forget that shitty computer’s voice, to stop it from boring into his thoughts. It was _gone._

“Hey, Rich.” A voice came from behind the door of his open locker and he nearly jumped, instead just twitching a bit, nerves lighting up. The panic faded as Jeremy poked his head around the door, giving him a sheepish smile. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“Uh, hey Heere.” Once he settled he tried to relax back into his usual self (but who was his usual self?), shoulders drooping a bit. He set his face into something that more closely resembled a resting bitch face, that was more like it. “Do you need _something_ or what?”

“I j-just saw you,” there was a twitch in Jeremy’s shoulder and Rich felt his gaze soften. That was something he recognized too well - just waiting for the boot to drop, for the shock to come. It wouldn’t anymore. “I think Micah would really appreciate it if y-you went to lunch with him today. He hasn’t been eating lunch with anyone.”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad or _some shit,_ Heere?” He felt the anger bubbling up, momentarily shifting back to the place he’d been only a few months prior. He kept his hands tight to his side - the real Rich Goranski wasn’t a bully, the real Rich Goranski wasn’t going to grab Jeremy by his collar and threaten him.

“No!” Jeremy cut him off, leaning in a bit so that he could lower his voice. “It just s-sucks to see my friends.. like this? We’ve missed you at lunch and I know M-Michael misses you.”

“I.. _sorry_ dude.” He seemed to deflate a bit, hands relaxing at his side before he tore his gaze away. He slid his bag off his back and shoved it into his locker, busying himself with rifling through it. “I’ll _see_ you later, man.”

Jeremy could take a hint, squeaking out some form of goodbye before all but scampering away. 

* * *

“Mell!” Rich’s throat felt tight as he called out and he picked up his pace a bit, sneakers loudly hitting the parking lot pavement. He saw Michael jump, fumbling with his keys a bit - his first reaction probably being thinking that he’d gotten caught by some teacher who didn’t want him leaving. (That was why he tended to slip out the door by the auditorium that Jeremy showed him.) As he turned around any words died on his lips, he saw a full range of emotions passing over him - surprise, hurt, _longing_?

“Oh, Rich?” He stopped walking, waiting in the middle of the parking lot for Rich to catch up, his steps slowing as he got close enough.

“Could we get lunch?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always kudos and comments make my day <3  
> im on tumblr as antpelts and im open to any bmc ship requests consisting of any combo of rich michael and jer!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> readers can have 2 ch in one night. as a snack

Michael was careful - he kept his mouth shut when it came to Rich’s home life, no matter how much it hurt to see Rich suffering. The guilt that he endured was less than the pain of driving him away, all he could do was keep and eye on his phone and open his home to Rich. It seemed to be working. The last two weeks of January passed easily and Rich quickly became a regular at the Mell household again. The boys played off the black eye and the split lip, ‘a school fight’. Rich was just rough and tumble enough for it to be believable, though Michael’s moms were clearly worried.

February came easy, they finally got their first day above 30° of the year. Of course the boys spent it the same as always, though, cooped up in Michael’s basement. Instead of Mario Kart they moved onto AotD (with Jeremy’s approval). It was weird, playing _his and Jeremy’s_ game with Rich.. but it also made Michael giddy. The rush of being able to info dump about his favorite game and teach someone how to play it just made him _happy._ For most of the first half of February that was how they spent their time, making some headway in AotD before getting frustrated and watching whatever was current on YouTube. It was nice, at least until the week came and they were busy with class.

**rich (9:13 pm):** heyyyyy mikey  
 **michael (9:18 pm):** richieeeeeeeeeeeee  
 **rich (9:18 pm):** ok i hate that  
 **michael (9:18 pm):** :p  
 **rich (9:19 pm):** anyways  
 **rich (9:20 pm):** what r u doin tmrw?  
 **michael (9:22 pm):** oo u wanna hang out??  
 **michael (9:23 pm):** thought you were plannin on asking some guy to prom you dont wanna ask him?  
 **rich (9:24 pm):** ehhhhhhhhhhh  
 **rich (9:25 pm):** maybe not anymore  
 **rich (9:26 pm):** id rather hang out with u tmrw  
 **michael (9:27 pm):** okokok  
 **michael (9:28 pm):** so i get to be rich goranskis valentine?  
 **rich (9:30 pm):** lmfaoo

* * *

School couldn’t pass quickly enough, Michael tried to remind himself that it was a _single friends_ get together but he was still _Rich Goranski’s valentine_. He wanted to enjoy it while he could - until Rich finally gathered himself and asked out whoever he had a thing for. Until then he could just forget about it and spend another friday night with the guy he’d fallen for. 

When it happened it was going to hurt, but it hadn’t yet. He couldn’t think too hard about it.

**rich (12:22 pm):** wanna skip?  
 **michael (12:23 pm):** were done in like not even 3 hrs???  
 **rich (12:23 pm):** soooo?  
 **michael (12:24 pm):** parking lot at 12:30?  
 **rich (12:24 pm):** ill b by the shitty red pt cruiser  
 **michael (12:24 pm):** hey!!

Michael had left school during lunch plenty of times but this time his heart was beating out of his chest, his hands were shaky when he unlocked his locker. Slipping his headphones on he grabbed his bag and headed towards the auditorium, looking around before slipping inside. He jogged between the rows and headed out the back door backstage at record time. To his surprise he saw Rich already crossing the parking lot towards his car - how had he gotten outside already?

The car was soon occupied, the boys tossed their bags in back and Michael slipped his headphones down around his neck. He started up the car, turning the heat on low and turning on the audio as Rich plugged his phone in. Before he even spoke Michael knew they weren’t just going to be heading to his house. That look meant that he had plans.

“Pinkberry!” It didn’t come out as a question because he already knew Michael’s answer.

“You paying?” Michael fixed him with an amused grin, putting his car in reverse to back out of the parking space. “Gonna treat your valentine to some froyo?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mell.”

* * *

It was nothing short of perfect and Michael was once again painfully aware of how bad he had it. He just kept telling himself it would fade, or it would at least get easier. Everything got easier with time, being queer he’d learned that. He’d had his fair amount of straight crushes and he was used to needing to crush down his feelings for boys. It did sting a bit to know Rich was bi, though. In theory he had a chance.

**michael (1:02 pm):** jerrr  
 **jeremy (1:06 pm):** dude where are you?  
 **michael (1:07 pm):** oh rich and i skipped  
 **jeremy (1:08 pm):** omg michael mell skipping school?  
 **michael (1:09 pm):** i couldnt say no to him  
 **michael (1:10 pm):** he got me pinkberry help  
 **jeremy (1:11 pm):** it’s your chance to make a move!  
 **jeremy (1:12 pm):** you guys are like on a date!

“Jeremy?” Rich’s voice pulled him away from his phone and he tried to hide his slight panic. He didn’t have to worry - it wasn’t like he could see the messages.

“Oh, yeah,” he gave a laugh, trying to brush past the nervous shake to it. “He was asking where I was.”

“Oh _shit_ , yeah we kinda left on a whim.”

**jeremy (1:13 pm):** you’ve seen the way he looks at you

“Well, it’s a special occasion, yeah?” Michael dipped back into his froyo, scooping up some of the marshmallow fluff he had as a topping. He leaned forward a bit, setting his chin on his hand.

“Yeah,” it was almost spoken in a rush and Michael couldn’t tell if his cheeks lit up or if it was just discoloration with his scarring. “Gotta make a _special_ day. _Since_ we _always just sit_ in your _basement_.”

“Hey! My basement’s fun,” he said it with a laugh, narrowing his eyes playfully and jabbing his spoon in the direction of Rich. A drop of melted froyo dripped onto the table.

The rest of their _date_ passed smoothly, Rich finished his froyo first and then poked his spoon into Michael’s bowl. He ignored the indignant squawk and stole some, shoving the spoon into his mouth with a triumphant grin. It was comfortable, they were happy.

By 1:30 they had finished, heading back to Michael’s car - when they got in Rich complained about being cold (when didn’t he). It wasn’t surprising, he only wore a long sleeve shirt (Michael had wondered why he didn’t wear his jacket) but.. he _was_ grateful for the look. It made Rich’s arm look nice in a way he hadn’t seen before. When he started up the car he turned his head to hide his blush, as always he thanked everything for his blush being harder to detect on his skin tone. In a stroke of genius he took off his headphones, tossing them into the back seat so that he could tug off his hoodie. Underneath it he was wearing his own long sleeve, it would be warm enough for him.

“Holy _shit_ , I get _the_ Michael _Mell’s_ hoodie?” Before his quip could get Michael to retract his offer he snatched it up, struggling to pull it over his head. Instantly he was surrounded by Michael’s smell (it was _warm_ ) as well as a hint of weed. He could have melted.

“I am getting that one back though, you’re not getting that for a month.” He buckled before backing up the car, a smile played on his lips with Rich’s response of a short laugh. As he pulled out onto the main road he gave Rich a glance, his face was partially obscured by the hood and Michael really felt his heart melt. It was going to be a long few months.

* * *

“Wait!” Michael jumped at the exclamation. He didn’t slam on his breaks but he did harshly cut his speed, admittedly he was going a bit too fast for their little neighborhood back roads. “Can we _stop_ at my _house first_? I gotta grab _something_.”

“Yeah man. Should probably grab clothes for the weekend anyways.”

Rich just gave a nod, practically bouncing in his seat by the time Michael pulled up along the curb at his house. He put his car in park and relaxed in his seat, at some point he stopped wondering what it was like inside Rich’s place. The curiosity had been replaced by a different feeling, he no longer cared about the place where he knew his dad lived. All that mattered was Rich.

All that mattered was Rich with the grin wide across his face. He was coming back down the driveway, cradling something under Michael’s hoodie. He was sure his backpack had been emptied of all books and was instead filled with clothes, too. Once he got back in the passenger seat he lifted up the hoodie to show his spoils. There was one bottle of (cheap) vodka, a type he recognized from Jake’s house party as well as a bottle of Bailey’s (he’d seen his moms drink it before, they weren’t really big on straight alcohol), the bottle was pink and decorated with hearts. Michael leaned over to see what the bottle said.

“Red velvet.. alcohol?” He sounded almost impressed.

“I know people.” That was all the response he was going to get.. and he was fine with it. For the time, nothing else mattered. Rich was sitting next to him, swamped by his hoodie and holding two bottles of alcohol in his arms, his smile was wider than any Michael had ever seen before.. and he just looked beautiful. The thought suddenly sent a pang through his chest and he simply drove them the rest of the way to his house, part of him was glad they’d be drinking.

* * *

“ _So_ when do your _moms_ get home?”

“They’re going on a date night and they’ll be out until like.. nine? They told me to order pizza. I told them you’re _getting_ here at nine. They’ll probably leave us alone so we don’t have to worry about them catching us with this.” Michael nodded towards the bottles in Rich’s arms as they made their way down to his room. When they reached the bottom Rich made his way around Michael, heading for the mini fridge next to his tv - seeing him function so comfortably in his space made Michael’s mind wander again. Soon his eyes followed suit, he would tell himself that movement naturally attracted the human eye and _that’s_ why he was watching Rich bend over to shove alcohol in his fridge.

Jeremy would have rolled his eyes at that one.

* * *

**jake (6:32 pm):** are you going to make a move finally?  
 **rich (6:43 pm):** what!!!!!!!  
 **jake (6:44 pm):** on michael?  
 **jake (6:45 pm):** you’re spending valentine's day with him  
 **rich (6:45 pm):** and drinkinnnn  
 **jake (6:46 pm):** AND drinking  
 **rich (6:47 pm):** why would i make a move  
 **jake (6:48 pm):** because you like him?  
 **rich (6:49 pm):** who said that  
 **jake (6:51 pm):** richard.  
 **rich (6:51 pm):** jacob.

“Who’s that?” Michael looked up from behind the pizza box he was opening.

“Oh, Jake.” Rich shrugged, setting his phone face down before hopping up to sit on the kitchen island, reaching over the top of the pizza box for a slice. “ _Just_ complaining that he _doesn’t_ have a valentine and I get to spend my night hanging out with _the_ Michael Mell.”

“As if he’d be jealous of that.” He snorted a laugh, shrugging it off as he turned away to pull out a plate. It was subtle but Rich picked up on it, of course he did. It was more than a joke, Rich had seen the way Michael reacted when someone took a joke too far, pushed him too far. Plus, he told him about his therapy. It wasn’t really a surprise that Michael had problems.

“Duh, of _course_ he would.” Rich took a bite of his pizza, wincing at the heat for a second. Michael’s face scrunched up with a poorly hidden laugh. “The amazing Rich Goranthki doethn’t hang out with jutht anyone.”

When push came to shove his excuse was that there was still pizza in his mouth. But Michael saw the way his eyes widened a bit with each slip, saw the way his shoulders tensed.

“Hm, I guess you’re right.” Michael hummed lowly before hopping up to sit on the counter as well, the pizza box sat between them. For the most part they ate in silence.

* * *

“Oh! I _should_ do a drunk YOLO on _snap_.” Rich perked up in his seat before leaning over to grab his phone. As he moved he bumped the bottle of vodka which Michael jolted forward to grab, shaking his head affectionately as he pulled it closer to himself. In the space between their bean bag chairs were two cups filled with some coke and a copious amount of vodka. The taste made Michael curl his lip but overall he found it more bearable than beer. At least the coke helped mask some of the alcohol burn.

“Why not dude. Maybe just don’t show the alcohol,” he raised an eyebrow, watching as Rich twisted around in his seat looking for a good selfie angle. “Don’t need any incriminating shit out there.”

“Yeah, yeah.” It was mumbled as Rich bent awkwardly until he was draped over the chair. Michael squinted from where he was sitting to see the picture, it was mostly Rich’s face from the shoulders up but Michael was upside down in the background. He flushed a bit - if anyone thought about it for too long they’d notice what hoodie Rich was wearing. It gave him butterflies.

As soon as Rich posted it he unpaused the YouTube video they were playing, something or other about true crime, and scrolled idly on his phone for a moment. Michael took that opportunity to pull up Rich’s story and take a peek - even if Rich was beside him he wanted to check back and see if anyone would be able to get him to talk about his mystery crush.

**“yooooooo fuckin slide up i guess”**

* * *

At some point the vodka bottle became nearly half empty, a look at his phone told Michael it was only half past ten, he supposed that was fine. Since alcohol was involved he’d already assumed they’d be falling asleep sooner rather than later. By now Rich had cracked open the Bailey’s and poured himself a glass, thinning it out with some milk that Michael had snuck upstairs to get (he only stumbled a bit on the stairs). 

“ _Shit_ I’m gonna run to the bathroom quick.”

Michael took that as his cue to slip out his phone and take another look at Rich’s story. He’d avoided looking too much in case the other noticed and thought it was weird, besides they had ended up pretty engrossed in some Buzzfeed Unsolved for a bit anyways.

The first picture he was met with was a close up of Rich’s face, tipped to only show from his eyes up. He tried not to think too hard about his eyelashes but his mind was already going fuzzy. He squinted to focus in on the question, _‘you didn’t ask your prom crush to be your valentine?’_ if Michael were more sober that would have stung - the idea that there was no way Rich could like _him_ of all people.

**“asking ppl out is harder thn it sounds. prolly just gonna give up on it. 🙃”**

Michael found himself wondering if it was bad that that made him hopeful. He wanted Rich to be happy.. but of course he wanted it to be with _him_. Giving himself a shake he tapped the screen again, he was met with a picture of the tv playing something they were watching a few videos back. He heard the sink and shifted around so that when Rich walked back he wouldn’t notice Michael reading his story, _‘dude just ask him out tonight!! peer pressure!’._ Now that one made his heart sink.

**“well fckin see man 🥴”**

At some point Rich must have left the bathroom because the next thing Michael noticed was him dropping back into his seat, reaching for his freshly poured drink. He let his gaze flit back to the screen, it was a picture of his legs stretched out, the tv still visible in the background. He took another sip of his concoction of vodka and coke and tried to ignore how tipping his head back made the room spin. _‘say something about him! what's something you like about him!’_

**“fuckkk 💀 hes funny as fuck and way too nice 4 me. makes me feel special. u dnt get anymor bc hes probably reading this 🤧”**

Michael’s heart sank and as he leaned over to pour himself a glass of the Bailey’s he felt his stomach twist. He probably should have slowed down but now he couldn’t stop thinking about whatever guy who gave Rich butterflies. He bit his tongue before pouring some milk into his cup and deciding to pour some vodka in as well. Mixing alcohol was never really a good idea but he just wanted to stop thinking about Rich kissing another guy.

* * *

“Fuck dude,” Rich’s words were drawn out as he slumped backwards into his bean bag chair. The Bailey’s had been safely moved out of reach from his feet because he couldn’t help but flail around every time Michael made him laugh. It wasn’t like Michael was any funnier - there just wasn’t much vodka left. “I haven’t drank thince... _since_ the.. whole thing.”

_The squip_ was what he was trying to say, Michael fought through the fuzziness in his head to connect the dots. It must have been some time before Halloween if gossip was anything to go off of - everyone was certain Rich had barely drank at that party. Considering everything _it_ had done to him he could see Rich getting drunk every once in a while just to shut the thing up. His brain shut the thought down almost as quickly as it came, he wasn’t a sad drunk. He wasn’t going to make himself sad.

Michael let his head tip back and he let out a strangled noise, watching as the room became blurry around him, it got a laugh from Rich which just encouraged a laugh from Michael. Soon they were trapped in a loop until Rich’s flailing left him slipping from the chair and hitting the carpet with a thump. It just made Michael laugh harder.

“Hey!” Rich popped up from where he was on the ground and Michael turned his head to look at him, still leaned back so everything he saw was upside down. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were red and if he could read Rich’s mind all that he would find was the word _pretty_. “Are.. you making fun.. of me?”

There were pauses as Michael watched him struggle to his feet, swaying slightly as he picked his way over the cups that sat between them. It really was a miracle that none of them got knocked over. To avoid any blood rush Michael raised his head now, wincing at the sudden movement, trying to blink away the pain spinning around in his head. When his eyes finally came into focus he saw Rich standing over him, making a poor attempt to get level with where he sat. Eventually he gave up, tumbling into Michael’s lap. 

“I’m not! You’re.. just funny.” He struggled through his words and even through the haze in his mind he knew something just wasn’t right, something was going too far. Only he thought that _he_ was somehow going too far as Rich giggled, collapsing against his chest. He would always find a way to blame himself. But.. he still couldn’t bring himself to stop it.

“Mhm, thure.. _sure._ ” Even when he corrected himself it was still slurred but at least he didn’t flinch, he didn’t look afraid. That was all Michael cared about.

It was all he cared about until Rich sat up a bit, his hands were covered by the sleeves of Michael’s hoodie. He only knew this because Rich was holding the sides of his face now. Despite all his brain fog he was able to process what was happening and he nearly went limp in the other’s hands, eyes falling shut. He was sure Rich could hear his heartbeat.

“Have.. you ever, uh, _kissed_ a guy, Mell?” It was soft and far more serious than the last handful of things he’d said. Throat tight, Michael shook his head. “Me either..I wanna try it.”

It sounded breathless as he said it and that was enough to make Michael’s breath hitch. He started nodding, almost frantically until the movement made his head pound, any logic had melted away with his last drink. All he knew now was that Rich was leaning in and that he reeked of alcohol and _he didn’t care_.

Their noses bumped and he felt Rich huff out a laugh before their lips connected and Michael swore he could cry. His hands clutched the bean bag chair, even bogged down with alcohol he knew there wouldn’t be any going back if he were to put his hands on Rich. Their teeth clacked and it was Michael’s turn to let out a huff. In response Rich only tightened his grip on his face, leaning further against him.

It was just like everyone said - it felt like hours but he was sure Rich was already climbing out of his lap after a few minutes.

“Whoa.” He sounded as breathless as Michael felt and suddenly Rich was laughing in an amazed way that made his head spin. “I’ve been mi.. _missing_ out.”

“Me too.” He wasn’t sure that it could even be heard, he was still trying to get his breath back.

“Whoa,” he repeated himself, moving forward again to just collapse in Michael’s lap this time. He curled in on himself and he just _fit_ like he was made to be there. He shifted, chin nestled up against Michael’s neck and the world just seemed to stop. Closing his eyes he tried to focus.. focus on the warmth of Rich pressed against his chest, on the soft breaths that were hitting his neck. Unintentionally his breathing began to match the pace of Rich’s.

* * *

Michael didn’t remember falling asleep.

His phone told him it was 4:12 in the morning but his eyes burned too much to scan over any of his notifications. His chest felt tight and he felt nauseous, shifting around until Rich rose his head, slurring out something Michael didn’t understand. Suddenly he was crying.

“I.. fell asleep.” His chest shook and he gasped for breath. That seemed to shake Rich out of his stupor, in a tangle of limbs he fell off of Michael’s lap, still swaying a bit.

“Huh? Yeah.. we were drunk?” Rich squinted, trying to process what Michael was saying.

“I’m.. I fell asleep.. in my binder.” The words slipped out in between wheezes and he was too panicked to even understand that he’d just come out to Rich in a roundabout way.

“Th.. _shit_ , you’ll be okay. Lemme.. here, I’ll help.” Michael’s head was still spinning too much to understand the implications that came with Rich knowing exactly what he was talking about. All he felt were tears falling down his cheeks - big ones that made his face itch as they rolled over his skin. He couldn’t really understand why he was so upset, he supposed drunk Michael was just more susceptible to emotions (he would later learn that was true).

Rich grabbed onto his shoulders, pulling until he was sitting upright and his hands found the edges of Michael’s shirt. All he could do was raise his arms so that Rich could tug it off over his head. All the jostling made him wince and a low whine dragged itself up through his throat. He was never drinking that much again.

“I’m.. gonna look away when I.. do thith, alright?” Rich didn’t get anything in response but when he looked at Michael he just saw him swaying slightly, eyes tightly closed, glasses askew. Before he reached for the binder he took Michael’s glasses, setting them on the ground. He then kept his head turned and reached for the sweaty fabric, wrinkling his nose a bit at the feeling. He had his hands on either side of it, tugging until it finally slipped, Michael just rose his arms back up. With another pull he was free. “Here’s your.. _shirt_.”

Keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the rug he held out Michael’s shirt, scooting backwards once the other took it. He waited until he heard Michael settle back in the chair before he raised his eyes. If he hadn’t been flooded with worry he would have laughed - as soon as his shirt was on he tipped his head to the side and immediately passed out again. 

It was.. scary in a way to see Michael like that. He’d heard about Michael’s panic attacks, about Halloween, but to see one was something different. Not to mention that the moment was gone as soon as it came. Rich decided he wouldn’t ask Michael to drink with him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated !


	9. Chapter 9

“Fuck.” His mouth tasted terrible, alcohol and the heaviness of sleep lay heavy on his tongue. His back hurt, shoulders stiff from sleeping in the bean bag. His head was pounding, everything hurt, down to the space behind his eyes. Nausea rolled over him in waves.

In short, Michael felt like shit.

Based on the sunlight cutting across the room from the window well he had to guess it was sometime in the afternoon, the thought of his mothers coming down to check on him cut through his grogginess and put him into a panic. Tumbling out of his chair he crawled across the rug to grab both bottles of alcohol, rising up to his knees he shuffled the rest of the way to shove them into the fridge. He stacked the cups, careful of one that was still half full of the milk that they’d mixed into their drinks, setting them on top of the mini fridge. That was enough. The most incriminating things were hidden.

All the movement threw his stomach for a loop and he doubled over, resting his forehead on the rug. He closed his eyes until the motion sickness backed off and his head stopped spinning. Then he remembered Rich.

For a moment he blindly patted around on the ground until he found his glasses, slipping them on. Lifting his head he surveyed the room - the chair next to him had been empty and he wasn’t on the rug. He then pushed himself up onto his knees before using the mini fridge to push himself to stand. His knees wobbled a bit so he stood until he felt steady, head down. When the wobbling quieted down he raised his head again. Rich was asleep on his bed. His face was buried in the hood of Michael’s hoodie, blankets piled around his hips.

With that question answered he stumbled back over to his bean bag chair, reaching down to grab his phone - 22%. Not too shabby.

 **jeremy (11:23 pm):** how’s rich :^)))  
 **jeremy (11:24 pm):** kidding. kinda.  
 **jeremy (11:24 pm):** i hope you guys had a good night though  
 **jeremy (12:42 am):** oh!  
 **jeremy (12:42 am):** sorry if this is annoying i know we talked about not talking about christine but  
 **jeremy (12:43 am):** she called me tonight and i think it went really well :^)  
 **michael (12:23 pm):** holy shit im nver drinking again  
 **michael (12:24 pm):** thats great man

If he was being honest he only half read the messages, he skimmed only enough to understand so he could send an answer. He dropped his phone onto the chair and ran fingers through his hair, taming the mess a bit. Really, he felt like shit and honestly felt like crying and yelling all at once, even if he couldn’t place why. 

Realizing _he_ had control over his life he simply did what he wanted - he stumbled across the room to the bathroom (he drank a lot more than he thought) before simply crawling into bed again. It was a saturday, he really could just go back to sleep. Nestling up to Rich’s back he curled in on himself, his glasses would leave a crease on his face but he couldn’t be bothered. He stuck himself under the blanket and tangled his legs with Rich’s, it was easier to sleep when he was there. Something about it just felt right in a way nothing else did.

* * *

“Michael?” There was a hand on his shoulder, it didn’t shake him though, there was a light pressure and he felt Rich’s hand slide to rub his back a bit. He kept his eyes shut, not wanting to lose the moment. “Michael, c’mon.”

A mumble slipped past his lips, followed by a low groan. He felt Rich’s hand pull away slowly and he allowed his eyes to open slowly, squinting against the light. Rich was almost haloed by the sun, the light caught in the red streak of his hair that Michael had called ridiculous. He just never wanted to admit to Rich how cute it was. Instead of spilling his heart out he would toss him a grin and tease him about looking like a rooster.

“Can’t believe you let me sleep in the bean bag.” Despite everything a small grin played on Michael’s lips, the words were muffled as his face was half shoved into a pillow. “My back hurts so bad.”

“You pathed out, dude.” His words were still heavy with sleep, when Michael raised his eyes again he saw Rich’s eyelids drooping. He seemed to not have second thoughts about his lisp and that only pulled Michael’s smile wider - it was part of him. No matter what the squip told him there was nothing wrong with his lisp and he _earned_ it at that point. If anyone had anything to say about it they’d have to go through Michael. “I mean, I could probably lift you but you were all dead weight.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” He let his eyes fall shut again, speaking into the pillow with a heavy sigh. “I’m just giving you a hard time.”

“Hm, yeah, yeah.” Rich breathed out a laugh and lowered himself back into the bed. This time he was facing Michael now, there was maybe six inches between them, it reeked of alcohol. In an attempt to lessen both of their headaches Rich flipped onto his back, even the smell was enough to make his stomach roll. “Feel like thit.”

“Agreed.”

“Hey, uh.” Michael rolled on his back, tilting his head to watch Rich as he spoke, his eyes drifting to his lips. “Why’d you give me that bear? Uh, in the hothpital.”

“It’s been months, still thinking about it?” His lips quirked into a grin and when he saw Rich’s expression stay unchanging he gave a short cough, regaining some seriousness. “It just felt right I guess?”

“You didn’t even know me. Well, the _real_ me.”

“I guess but..okay,” Michael shifted with a grunt, propping himself up on his elbow so that he could look down across Rich’s face. “I think like, maybe the third time I went to see Jeremy it was the second time you were awake when I came. It was the first time you tried to say something beyond like..a hello.”

Rich gave a nod, confirming the story. He thought about it, he remembered the door opening and deep down he knew it was Michael but he just hoped it was someone visiting him for once.

“I was sitting over by Jer and you just started talking to me. It was.. kinda weird, you know? But then you asked me what happened and I knew you had to be talking about the.. you know. You asked me if Jer found a way to beat it. I told you it was me and.. you looked at me like I solved world hunger.”

Michael let out a laugh, a bemused expression crossing his face as he watched Rich’s scrunch up in embarrassment.

“You told me he’d be okay, he had to be. If you woke up after having it for so long he would wake up. I.. ignored you after that for a bit. You didn’t seem to mind much and you just kept talking. I don’t know how much you remember of that because you really weren’t in the best condition. You told me how no one had come to see you since Halloween. So I told you it was because people thought you died.. and you cried. After that I told my moms I was visiting Jeremy and they told me that I should just wait until he woke up but.. I also wanted to be there for you. Even if it was just to let you talk my ear off.”

With that his expression softened, his eyes darted around Rich’s face, his own cheeks heating up. The sunlight lit up the brown of Rich’s eyes, it seemed like he was glowing.

“One time I showed up and you were asleep. The room was too.. quiet and it felt weird. But I.. didn’t want you to think I missed one of my visits because you were asleep and all, is that stupid? I wanted you to know I came so I went down to the gift shop and spent like ten minutes trying to find something. It was overpriced as fuck but I made up my mind, you know? You were still asleep when I made my way back up so I left him with you and headed home. I felt too weird just sitting there with you both knocked out so I just went home early.”

A silence settled between them and Rich just looked up at him - he looked like he could cry and it became entirely too much for Michael to handle. He flopped back down onto his back, resting his hands on his stomach. A minute passed, then two. Neither knew what to say, they weren’t sure there really _was_ much to say. 

“Hey,” Rich finally broke the silence, turning his head a bit to look at him. “Do.. you remember _last_ night?”

By now he’d had enough time to compose himself and Michael couldn’t help but think he missed that lisp whenever it went away.

“Not..really? Did I do something stupid? I just remember everything being really funny?” Panic made his throat tighten, dreading the idea that he might have accidentally admitted his feelings while drunk.

“No.. no.” Rich turned his head back to face the ceiling and if Michael had looked he would have seen the hurt cross his face. “But you.. I _guess_ there really _isn’t_ an _easy_ way to.. You came out to me?”

“You know I’m gay.” A beat passed, Michael’s forehead creasing in confusion before he was hit with a wall of dread. With a sharp inhale he sat up, turning away. He was now hyper aware of everything, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh.”

“Hey,” it was spoken softly and Rich followed his movements, sitting up. A hand reached out tentatively but he stopped before he could reach his shoulder. “Michael, _it’s_ okay..I..uh. Me too?”

There was another silence, Michael’s shoulders were still rigid but he let out a confused noise.

“I.. yeah. I’m..” He paused, shuffling around on the bed until he was now sitting next to Michael on the edge of his bed. “I got top _surgery_ like _last_ year.”

“Oh.” This time it was less like dread and closer to wonder or amazement. He lifted his head and allowed himself to look at Rich, he was met with a soft look of understanding. “That’s.. really cool.”

“I _guess_ we could have told each other all along. Huh.” A snort of a laugh left Rich and he flopped backwards back onto the bed. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief.

The weight lifted off _both_ of their shoulders almost distracted Rich from the fact that _Michael didn’t remember._ Almost. He wondered if he was lying, trying to let him down gently.. but he didn’t remember anything else, it didn’t seem like he was lying. Either way his stomach was left in knots. The thought of trying again while sober made him light headed, it was all a bit too much. He could try again. Later. If not prom then senior prom. Or graduation. He rubbed at his face before heaving out a sigh, instead just watching Michael as he got up off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

 **rich (1:57 pm):** end me  
 **rich (1:57 pm):** pls end me  
 **jake (1:58 pm):** rich? are you okay? did something happen?  
 **rich (2:00 pm):** we kissed  
 **rich (2:00 pm):** we KISSED  
 **jake (2:01 pm):** is that not good? i’m confused  
 **rich (2:02 pm):** hes more of a lightweight than i am  
 **rich (2:02 pm):** he doesnt remember  
 **rich (2:03 pm):** he got loopy i got loopy  
 **rich (2:03 pm):** he doesnt remember after that  
 **rich (2:03 pm):** we kissed  
 **rich (2:04 pm):** it was really good  
 **jake (2:05 pm):** well he kissed back, that’s good?  
 **rich (2:05 pm):** he was drunk

When Michael left the bathroom Rich made his way over, he must have had a higher tolerance than Michael because he was already able to shake off most of his nausea. He was beyond ready to brush his teeth and get the taste off his tongue, so that’s what he did. Michael made a detour to snatch his phone from his bean bag chair and stumbled a little bit on his way towards his bed. Flopping back down he reached around for his charger, plugging his phone in before checking through his notifications.

 **jeremy (11:23 am):** hey micah what are you and rich up to?  
 **jeremy (11:24 am):** could i hang out with you guys??  
 **michael (2:08 pm):** heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
 **michael (2:09 pm):** i tried to keep up w rich and i totally fuckin blacked out at the end of the night  
 **michael (2:09 pm):** i only remember us losin it over nothin lmao  
 **michael (2:10 pm):** sure dude you can come over whenever  
 **jeremy (2:11 pm):** omg  
 **jeremy (2:11 pm):** dads letting me take the car im gonna leave in a minute  
 **michael (2:13 pm):** okayyyy get my moms to let u in im dying in bed rn

* * *

When Jeremy got to Michael’s he swore there was some sort of underlying tension, there was something about the way Rich sat between them. Usually he liked to be at the center of Michael’s attention and now he sat on the rug between bean bag chairs while Michael and Jeremy worked on the next level of AotD. Every once and a while he’d lean forward, pointing at a health kit they hadn’t noticed. At the very least he had most of the energy he usually did so Jeremy couldn’t be too suspicious.

When Michael’s phone screen lit up he moved to pause the game, climbing out of his chair with a low groan. When his moms had placed the order for food they had one catch, Michael would have to pick it up.

“You sure you don’t want us to come with?” Jeremy set his controller down, twisting in his seat to watch Michael pull his shoes on.

“I’ll be like..15 minutes or something. Have Rich try to help you beat the level, he’s been getting pretty good.”

As soon as he was gone Rich was scrambling to slip into Michael’s seat, the look that crossed his face made Jeremy flinch, there was something intense there. He leaned until he was nearly encroaching on his personal space, he looked more serious than Jeremy thought was possible.

“If you tell anyone about what I’m going to tell you I will end you.”

“F-Fuck man,” Jeremy leaned back, trying to put some more space between them. He looked two seconds away from breaking into a nervous sweat. “I won’t tell anyone! Promise!”

“Okay.” With that he collapsed back into the chair, groaning and covering his face with his hands. After a moment he seemed to collect himself, lowering his hands with a heavy sigh. “Me and Michael _kissed_ _last_ night.”

“Okay?” Jeremy’s voice was barely a squeak and then a look of understanding flashed over his face. “O-Oh.. he doesn’t remember, does he? Wait. Michael’s the guy you want to ask to prom?”

The look that crossed Rich’s face communicated something in between ‘you paid attention to my snap story’ and ‘is that what you’re going to focus on’ and Jeremy held his hands up defensively.

“I mean.. sh-shit man.” There was a pause before Jeremy moved to rub at the back of his neck - a nervous tick. “I think you should tell him? Talk to him?”

“What!”

“I m-mean. I think it’s only fair to.. like tell him? He deserves to know what happened when he was drunk.”

“Well, I told him he came out to me.” For once Rich almost looked sheepish. Of course he wouldn’t want to tell Michael they kissed, they were just a handful of anxiety riddled teens, talking wasn’t their strong suit. “I.. don’t think I could tell him.”

A _fear_ crept into Rich’s voice and panic flashed over his face, not only was it beyond weird to see the other in such a state.. he just wasn’t well equipped to handle it. Fidgeting a bit he wrapped his fingers in the edge of his cardigan’s sleeve before tentatively reaching out to pat Rich’s shoulder. He offered up a smile that was maybe two parts nervous and one part encouraging. When met with it Rich just groaned, balancing his elbows on his knees and resting his face in his hands. Not only was Jeremy just in the beginnings of his friendship with Rich and attempting to give him boy advice - the boy just happened to be his best friend, who he happened to know felt the same way. But that wasn’t his information to share and if he broke Michael’s trust there would be no going back, even if it ended positively.

“I.. just think you should talk to him. He’s pretty good w-with feelings. He’d handle it pretty well, last summer he and I had a really good talk about how he kinda liked me? Or _had_ liked me. W-We talked through it and it didn’t ruin our friendship.”

Rich’s mouth snapped shut as he heard the basement door open, whatever he was going to say was lost.

* * *

From then on weekends were a bit different, fridays and sundays were still just Michael and Rich, more often than ever Rich was spending the whole weekend over without even stopping home. Michael was just happy to keep him safe. Saturdays changed though - Jeremy started to come over saturday afternoons, sometimes spending the night. They would all end up crammed in the bed, Michael in the middle. When Michael wasn’t looking before they finally dozed off Jeremy would fix Rich with a _look_ and he just pretended he didn’t understand.

Michael was just glad that the lack of space meant that he didn’t feel the need to wake early and escape Rich’s arms to avoid being awkward - now they both brushed it off. Of course they’d end up spooning, there just wasn’t much space. Of course it didn’t mean anything. They would laugh about it, unaware that the other just wanted to cave and yell, ‘no, it’s real! It means something!’. They just kept quiet.

All things considered.. life was good. School was school but February faded into March and spring break was only a week away now. Of course that became the subject of conversation on another quiet friday night. The familiar chime of AotD’s game over screen hummed in the background. Controllers hit the carpet and Rich groaned, slumping in his seat.

“I guess that’s enough for tonight?” Michael laughed, leaning back and casting a glance at Rich that was a little too fond for just friends. The only response was a nod and an annoyed mumble. After a beat Rich raised his head, the sudden excitement on his features had Michael tipping his head in confusion.

“I got an idea.” 

“Oh god.” There was a bark of a laugh from Michael as Rich leaned over to swat at his arm, though a grin was plastered on his face.

“Hey! _Asshole,_ ” despite the narrowed eyes it was.. soft. “I think we _should_ do _something_ for break. Like.. I dunno. _Shit_ I hate like camping and _shit_ what _is_ there?”

“Hm.” There was a softness that crossed his face. “Yeah, we could drive down somewhere? Not like Philly.. we could go all the way down to like Ocean City? Get a hotel, go to the boardwalk.”

“Yeah,” Rich sat up a bit straighter, energy visibly flooded his form. “ _Yes_ ! Let’s do it! Do you think your _moms_ would be cool with it? Do we have enough money to go?”

“Oh my god,” Michael laughed, there was a lopsided grin on his face as he watched Rich chatter. “I’ll talk to them, they’ll probably give me money. If it’s a few days I could cover gas and food but I’ll see if they can help with the hotel. Plus whatever you can give me - it’ll be fine.”

“Alright, alright, alright!” Rich was practically bouncing in his seat, hands tapping on his legs excitedly. His eyes lit up and it was enough to make Michael dizzy, he’d do anything to see that face. Anything to see Rich happy - he deserved it. Michael had never felt so sure of anything before in his life, but Rich’s happiness was his new main goal (besides himself, his therapist was working on his self-love with him) and for the first time in a while he felt confident. Maybe not confident enough to tell Rich how he felt but.. he had the confidence to walk with his head held high at school, sometimes without his headphones on. He was beginning to feel better in his own skin. It made him giddy.

“We should probably do like a tuesday through thursday thing or something, that way we’ll only have to deal with other people who are on break.” He was already devising a plan, already planning a road trip playlist (he knew what music Rich liked), already bustling with excitement.

Jeremy was coming over the next day, though, and Michael knew in the back of his head that the second Rich ran to the bathroom Jeremy would be all over it. He’d be telling him that it would be the _perfect_ time to confess. He had been especially set on Michael confessing, it was like there was a switch and he wasn’t quite sure of what he must have missed that had Jeremy convinced it would be okay. So he chose to ignore it, to brush it off. He was fine hanging back, keeping it to himself. At least that’s what he would tell himself. They had something really good going and he would rather suffer a little heartbreak than lose it. It was crazy and comfortable all at once. Rich was a combination of all the intenseness of a house fire (he cringed a bit at that) with all the familiarity of his red hoodie. While Michael wouldn’t trade his friendship with Jeremy and didn’t really see it as lesser it was.. calmer now, there was a gentle understanding between them, the comfort of an old friend. It was nice to have but with Rich he never knew what was coming. He liked it more than he cared to admit.

As the night drew to a close and they curled up on his bed he found himself biting his tongue to stop himself from blurting it out. It seemed so natural but at the same time he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. The hollow fear that lived in his chest won out (it always did). Instead he just closed his eyes, he listened to Rich breathing next to him until he felt like he was just about to sink into sleep. Then, and only then, he allowed himself to roll over, turning his back to Rich. He waited with baited breath, forcing himself to breathe as normally as he could manage. A beat passed, he felt the pit starting to open in his stomach again and then.. it stopped. There was a familiar pressure against his back as Rich turned, pressing his cheek to the spot in between Michael’s shoulder blades. His arm was slung up around his waist now, fingers curling into the front of his hoodie.

Everything would be alright. No matter what was to come Michael was sure they’d be okay. Or, at least he could pretend. He was, admittedly, getting a lot better at faking it until he made it. This was just another thing. As long as he could keep Rich by his side he would be alright. In the end he fell asleep to the feeling of Rich’s chest rising and falling against his back. It was warm. It was familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated !  
> also i might take a break from daily uploads, were a little over halfway through and i need to wrest my typing hands a bit lol expect more than one chapter a week though, maybe every other day since im still excited to keep goin!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; implied/ref self harm

Something didn’t feel right - Michael didn’t feel right. A familiar pit opened in his stomach, a pit he’d been able to fight off for a while (save for the few days he and Rich hadn’t been talking). He rolled over in bed, clenching his fists in frustration when he felt his breathing get shorter. If his estimations were to be trusted (and they usually were) then it was around 1am - of course it was, his dread never threatened him so harshly when the sun was up. It would never dare to rear its head unless Michael was alone in every sense of the word.

Kicking off his comforter he curled in on himself, he never noticed how empty his bed was when he was alone. Rich was at home (for once) he told Michael he probably should be home for one night before they left, Michael had just bit his tongue and didn’t say anything. It wasn’t his place.

The pit grew wider, it threatened to swallow him whole and in between gasps he just felt _confused._ He was going to therapy, school was manageable, Jeremy was careful in a way that Michael had never seen. He never thought of himself as someone people needed to be _careful_ with. It was always him! He was the rock! When Jeremy’s mom left, when Rich climbed in his window in the middle of the night. He was the rock. 

It was something he thought he was good at, that he wanted to be good at. As far as he could tell.. he was. He had been. So why couldn’t he be his own rock? Why was the pit in his stomach _yearning?_ It went beyond his pining, sure he wanted Rich next to him, he may have been smaller but.. he held Michael so nicely. That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t want Jeremy there, though. They were doing better - a lot better. It wasn’t the same but he supposed that was fine, Jeremy was as much of a person as he was, he was allowed to change if Michael was. There was still an easy comfort between them, that was enough.

At least he thought it was. Suddenly it seemed like nothing was enough and nothing ever _would_ be. It triggered a series of thoughts that Michael would never speak aloud, not to his therapist, not to Jeremy. Not to Rich. The last thing, yet only thing, he wanted was for someone to ask if he was okay. He remembered how hollow he had felt when he first saw the thin scars raised up on Jeremy’s thigh, only visible because it was summer and they were sleeping in boxers. It made him feel empty in a way that nothing had before and all he could do was hold Jeremy until their breathing slowed and they finally fell asleep. Shit like that was _hard._ Of fucking course it was. He thought of himself as selfish.. but never selfish enough to expose Jeremy to that, how could he convince Jeremy to stop if they showed up matching?

The kicker was that _he_ couldn’t convince Jeremy to stop. No one could. All he could do was be there when it was unbearable and stay until it started to lessen. At least he was in therapy now.

Michael’s brain tried to tell him that he was in therapy too, so why was he thinking so hard about it? _Because he was selfish._ Maybe. _Because he was weak._ Maybe. _Because he deserved it._ Bingo.

Feet hit the ground as he slid out of bed, stumbling over to his desk and dropping into the chair. Jeremy didn’t depend on him the way he used to and Rich made it clear that he didn’t need Michael to coddle him. For once he believed that no one needed him to be a rock. It was both freeing and terrifying. He felt both in control of himself and aimless. The emptiness grew and he greeted it with a bitter smile.

* * *

 **rich (10:16 am):** ughhhh ok im up  
 **rich (10:16 am):** ur lucky i didnt sleep in  
 **michael (10:20 am):** omfg ill be there at like noon i said be ready like 11 smthn  
 **rich (10:30 am):** well the funny thing is that i need to do laundry  
 **michael (10:31 am):** were still leaving at 12 even if ur clothes are wet  
 **rich (10:32 am):** whteverrrr itll b fine

 **jeremy (9:49 am):** have a good trip!!  
 **michael (10:33 am):** theres no way im confessing when im stuck in a car with him for hours  
 **jeremy (10:42 am):** i didn’t say anything!!!  
 **michael (10:45 am):** you were thinking it  
 **jeremy (10:47 am):** maybe

* * *

Everything about Michael ached, despite this he still pulled on his binder before his hoodie followed. For once it _wasn’t_ hoodie weather but Michael couldn’t be bothered, his car had air conditioning, he’d be fine. After the night he’d had he couldn’t say he was that comfortable with the thought of anyone’s eyes on him, his hoodie was baggy in all the right places for that. His dry shampoo came in handy (it always seemed to) because if he had tried to take a shower he knew he would be stuck there for two hours, staring at the wall. It really had been one of those nights and it turned into one of those days as soon as he woke up.

In the interest of busying himself he rifled through his duffel bag, then through his backpack. He knew everything was there but that didn’t keep him from checking. Or from checking again. There wasn’t even much to see beyond clothes and some toiletries, the most interesting thing was probably the wad of cash his moms had given him - safer tucked into his bag rather than overstuffing his wallet. 

With nothing left to do he sat down, the floor was hard beneath him and honestly, a bit cold. To make up for wearing his hoodie he donned some shorts but now his legs just felt _cold_ where he sat. He just couldn’t win, could he? Instead of letting it consume him he just took a deep breath, in and out, if his moms were going to pay for therapy he supposed he should use what he learned. It was just about noon and despite his body screaming at him to stay put he hauled himself to his feet and grabbed his bags. Wishing his moms goodbye he headed out onto the driveway, the air that hit him was fresh and comfortable. It really _wasn’t_ hoodie weather but.. it felt nice. The dark fog lifted, chased off by the breeze, he wasn’t sure how long it would last but he felt better. Not good.. but better. That would have to be enough until he _was_ better.

* * *

Rich was already in his driveway waiting, as Michael pulled up to the curb he could see that his hair was damp, clinging to his forehead. He rolled down the passenger window as Rich approached, despite everything he managed a grin, “aw you showered for me!”

The only response he got was Rich leaning in the open window to stick out his tongue before putting his bags in the backseat. He felt the car jostle as the door was shut and then Rich was getting into the passenger seat, a familiar grin plastered on his face. With the slightest smile Michael grabbed his phone and put on his specially curated road trip playlist, Rich’s eyes lit up as he recognized the music, he waved his hands a bit, tapping them on his thighs. 

“Holy _shit yes_ you made a _playlist!_ ” He leaned over and turned up the volume a bit as Michael pulled away from the curb and started out of the neighborhood. He rolled his window down to keep his ears from getting irritated for only having the passenger window open. The breeze cut through the car and it started to air dry Rich’s hair. The wind kicked it up so that there was an awkward swoop in it as it dried.

“Lunch?” Michael raised his voice over the sound of the music, they were still in town and driving fairly slow so the wind wasn’t too unbearable. He cast a sideways glance to Rich who was leaning forward to shoot him a look that seemed to read ‘why are you even asking?’.

“Dude! _McDonald’s is obviously_ the only _choice_ for _shitty_ road trip food! Like! Like! When you’re coming home from a vacation and your _parents_ finally cave!” He wasn’t wrong.

“Okay, okay.” The grin on Michael’s face was out of control at that point and he felt as breathless as Rich looked, practically squirming in his seat. They really did need a vacation. “In the interest of not risking seeing anyone from school I’ll go through the drive-thru. Then we can also get on the road faster. There might be some spring construction.”

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Michael for driving with Rich. Something about being cramped in his shitty car with half busted ac and practically chugging a large coke had him nearly pinballing around the place. He couldn’t blame him much, though, he was also getting pretty restless. For the sake of his sanity he made a pit stop so Rich could go to the bathroom about an hour in. There was a joke in there about Rich being like a puppy he had to let out but he didn’t want to risk it not landing. He kept his mouth shut and watched Rich fumble with the vending machine on the return to his car.

When they were sat inside the car he offered up a packet of cheez-its to Michael while digging into some oreos, making a comment about how he knew that he liked them. Michael set the bag in his lap and turned up the volume as he pulled back onto the road. Anything to distract Rich from how the gesture had him on the verge of tears. To be thought of so casually.. to be known.. was overwhelming. Instead of breaking down he just listened to Rich belt out lyrics - he almost swore that the fire had left a hidden scratchiness to his voice, something warm and rumbling and not quite right. He wondered if it was weird that he found it kind of hot.

Somehow they got lost, of course they did. Michael swore his phone told him to take the exit so he did. Rich took his phone from the stand propped up on the console and swiped around the map, he swore Michael must have taken the wrong exit almost an hour back and there was a tenseness as he refuted it. He backed off and lowered his tone when he saw the way Rich seemed to curl in on himself. They would come to discover at some point his phone glitched and didn’t correctly recalculate. The added time had them stopping for dinner about half an hour out from Ocean City, thoroughly frustrated and irritable from hunger. Both of these things were easily fixed with some average diner food. Rich swung his legs under the table, bumping Michael’s shins as he thought back to IHOP. He felt the tenseness between melt away.

At least, for a few hours. They must have spent an hour at the diner at least because it was dark out by the time they left and Michael was plain exhausted. It was only around 7pm.. but the night before just had him drained, he felt like he was on the verge of just collapsing. A combination of sleeplessness and practically crying himself awake that morning left him ready for bed far earlier than he’d care to admit. He reminded himself that they didn’t have any plans, they would just go find a hotel room and relax, he could just crash immediately if he wanted to. Well, he’d hoped.

As it turns out some places won’t let you get a hotel room if you’re under 18. Michael almost argued (he was just about 17 and a half) but he just gave up. Too embarrassed to call his moms and explain (they hadn’t thought about it, things were different when they were young) he just drove his car around to the back of the hotel. It seemed like a safe enough place to park, there wouldn’t be a lot of traffic going through, if any. Shutting off his car he sank low into his seat, groaning. “I think we’ll just have to sleep in the car.” 

For once he was grateful for his shitty cruiser - with minimal effort they were able to fold down the back seats, turning duffel bags into makeshift pillows. With nothing to do Michael cracked the windows and they climbed into the back. While it wasn’t too hot the humidity was uncomfortable and for once they left space between them as they laid down. Deep down Michael ached to roll over and shove his face into Rich’s chest (and maybe cry). What a miserable start to their trip.

Some time closing in on 9pm Rich lowered his phone and sat up, heaving a frustrated sigh. He pulled off his shoes and his socks soon followed, it helped lessen the warmth he felt a bit, though not enough.

“Do you mind.. if I take my _shirt_ off? _It’s so_ fucking humid and _gross_.” If he was being honest Michael almost blurted out a _no_ because he wasn’t sure he could keep himself from staring. In the interest of seeming normal, though, he just nodded, mumbling something about it being no problem.

Time seemed to slow as he watched Rich grip the edge of his shirt, tugging it up over his head. The shadow of his abs was disappearing (he’d been going to the gym less) but it still made Michael’s cheeks flush. As he turned to drop his shirt next to himself Michael couldn’t keep his eyes off the expanse of his back. There were places where the flames had licked up towards his spine, despite it being months since Halloween the scars still looked tender, he winced a bit thinking about it. Something else caught his eye, though, as his eyes traveled over to the middle of his shoulder blades. There was some light scarring that he had to squint to see, but Rich was already turning around as Michael sat up.

“Wait - dude, let me see your back.” A puzzled look crossed Rich’s face.. but he obliged, laying down on his stomach without so much as a question. He looked up at Michael from where his head rested on the duffel bag, biting back any questions, sure that Michael would tell him what he was doing after a moment.

Michael leaned over the top of him, his curiosity drove away any panicked, romantic thoughts he could be having. His eyes followed the scars, there seemed to be a prominent set running down from the back of his neck - they were almost geometric. As they reached down towards his shoulders they seemed to spread out, the edges seemed more jagged. The familiar tightness returned to his throat and he reached out, the sudden touch made Rich twitch but he stayed silent.

“You.. have like, these scars? They’re super weird like, all geometric-y and shit.. I..” He bit at his lip, furrowing his brow. “Do you think..”

It was from the squip.

“Oh.. uh, yeah. I think that _makes sense_ like.. when..” Michael swore he could hear him swallow, swore there was a waver in his voice. “When it like.. did the _shocks_ it _was_ like they.. ran down through my back?”

“Fuck man.” It was exasperated. Michael’s shoulders slumped and he just traced back up Rich’s back, he was too sad to even think about the intimacy of the situation.

“I wonder if they could have been _worse._ ” 

“Huh?”

“Well, maybe _six months_ into having it we made.. like a deal? It _was_ like _unspoken_ but.. it _was_ in my head, you know? _Sometimes_ I’d get let off the hook and it would take the back _seat_ like, when I _was_ telling Jeremy about it and.. I would _slip_ up a bit. You know, with the.. _lisp_ but if I could knock _myself_ back into _shape_ before it like.. fully came back up front I could avoid, like, a _shock._ It.. it _was_ like _something was_ rattling around in my head and if I could knock it back into _place_ I’d be okay.”

Michael finally understood the times that Rich had put a hand on himself, the way he’d sharply hit the back of his head when he slipped up. _It was to avoid punishment._ Part of Michael wished he hadn’t asked to get a closer look. Because here was Rich, laid out in front of him and, fuck, he was _beautiful._ He was beautiful and he was _still_ hurting and that hurt Michael more than anything.

“But.. uh I _guess sometimes_ it _also_ didn’t matter. Like.. it got off on doing it probably.” It wasn’t just to avoid punishment - it was to have a _chance_ at avoiding punishment and that was far worse.

“So that’s.. that’s why on Halloween..” the words died on his tongue and he jerked away, he was sure he’d gone too far. His mouth worked faster than his brain sometimes.

“Yeah. Halloween.” Rich stayed on his stomach, he closed his eyes, pressing his face further into the duffel bag. “Everyone _was just_ dying to know what happened that night, I don’t blame you.”

“You.. you don’t gotta..”

“No, I.. I kinda wanna tell _someone,_ at _least_ I think I do?” With a grunt he pushed himself up until he was sitting, meeting Michael’s gaze briefly before dropping his gaze. “When I got to _Jake’s_ I like.. I dunno, I felt great? We were all having a good time, _showing_ off our _costumes,_ you know?”

“Yeah, I saw you guys dancing for a bit.. it looked.. fun.”

Rich’s face lit up with a blush and he squeaked out a nervous laugh, “fuck. You _saw_ that?”

“Hell yeah man.” Michael fought the urge to reach out and hold him, to poke at his ribs until he laughed. “You’re really good.”

“ _Anyways_ uh.. everyone kinda _split_ up a bit.” Michael remembered that, watching the circle split up until Rich was the only one left just jumping and smiling and _free,_ but at the same time.. off. He would be smiling and then he’d twitch and flinch and stomp but then he would bounce right back. Everyone slowly melted away as they picked up on it - distancing themselves from whatever _weird_ Rich had shown up at the party. He had always thought it was a bit weird but looking back _that_ was the Rich he recognized, the Rich trying to break through from behind his squip. “When I _was_ telling Jake about my _costume_ though I heard it.. I uh.. it got to me a bit.”

Michael could picture it, a sharp blow to the side of the head with the heel of his own hand.

“After that I _just_ found the _closest_ cup and drank that _shitty_ beer.” Michael remembered that beer far too well. “Then I _just_ felt.. weird. Not drunk weird. It _started_ freaking out.. and everyone _was just_ gone. I felt, like, crazy. I felt too big for my body and I couldn’t _stop_ like.. jumping and kicking.. I felt bigger than the world but terrifyingly _small_ at the _same_ time.”

With that Rich flopped back down, he was laying on his back now instead.

“Then I had _this_ thought. All I could think about _was_ fucking mountain dew red. I didn’t know why but I knew I needed it. Everyone acted like I _was stupid_ and.. all _those rumors_ came after.. but, uh,” his voice trailed off and he gave his head a shake. “I _saw_ Jeremy and no one _else_ would _listen.. so_ I tried him and he _was_ going off about ruining _shit_ with _Christine_ and.. then it _was_ like I blacked out? But.. not really. It _started_ to come back on. _So_ I.. ran? Nothing really made _sense_ I _was just_ alone and I dragged the _gasoline upstairs_ from the garage and no one gave a _shit_ and.. and.. I knew I had to try and _stop_ it before it _spread_ and I _just_ wanted it out. I could barely control _myself_ between the _shocking_ and glitching and.. trying to take control. I did the only thing I could think of.”

“Holy hell man.. I,” his voice cracked and he tore his gaze away from Rich’s face (it was twisted in pain and Michael hated to see him like that). “If I hadn’t had a shitty panic attack and then fucking fled the scene.. I could have helped.. I could’ve.. It could have been over quicker.”

Tears pricked in the corners of Michael’s eyes and he jerked his head away. He couldn’t even imagine the shit that Rich went through over the course of _two years._ He could have stopped the fire. He pulled his hood up over his head and as soon as the fabric hit his ears he realized he hadn’t hidden behind his hood in _months,_ he hadn’t really needed to. He supposed he had Rich to thank for that.

“Fuck man. I don’t know.” Rich sat up again, hands resting limply in his lap. “Don’t.. beat _yourself_ up over it. A lot of people could have done a lot more. You can’t change the _past, trust_ me I know.”

Before either of them could blink Michael was leaning over to pull Rich into his arms. Like always he melted into the hug, his shoulders slumped and his jaw unclenched. It was done and no one could change it. All he could do was to hold on tight and try to lighten the mood, that was really all he could ever do.

He swallowed thickly.

“I mean at least you get some sick scars, right?”

For a moment he was worried he went too far but suddenly Rich was laughing and falling against his chest. His fingertips smoothed over the skin of his back, he felt the raised lines of the scars and the slight difference in textures between skin and burn scars. That was something that was going to stick with him forever, in body and mind alike. The two of them weren’t sure what they would do when Halloween circled around again.

All they could do was move forwards.

They didn’t talk much after that, Michael couldn’t say he blamed him, he was fairly certain there was still a light tremble to Rich’s lips when they split from the hug. Wordlessly he spun so his back faced Rich and hunched low so he could pull his binder off, putting his hoodie back on after (and putting the hood up). Making an executive decision he pulled off his glasses and set them as far off to the side as he could before lowering himself onto his side. He held his arm out in front of him and waved Rich closer with his other hand - he could be a pillow at least. 

A look flashed over Rich’s face and before Michael could try to understand it Rich was shifting so that he could lower himself until his head pressed against Michael’s bicep. His face was only inches from Michael’s neck and he thanked their height difference, without it he was sure every feeling that laid out so obviously on his face would get picked up on. He waited until the breath hitting his neck evened out - he held out until Rich was asleep.

It was like floodgates opened. Michael fought to keep his breathing at least _slightly_ under control so that he wouldn’t wake Rich with jerky wheezes. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, biting his cheek as he felt a few stray tears escape to roll down his cheeks. He wasn’t even entirely sure what he was crying about anymore! Though, it was probably some messy conglomeration of how much it _hurt_ to see Rich hurting and how much hurt he was hiding under his own skin.

“Fuck.” It was nothing more than a breath that barely rustled Rich’s hair where it tickled under his nose. He took a sharp inhale, all he could smell was Rich. All he could feel was Rich. 

That seemed to help, even if only marginally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make my day!! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**michael (2:02 am):** shoulda brought some fuckin melatonin on this trip  
 **michael (2:02 am):** i had a question  
 **michael (2:03 am):** do you have like weird scars on your back?  
 **jeremy (9:04 am):** dude you also messed up your sleep schedule that doesnt help!!  
 **jeremy (9:04 am):** uhhhhhhhhhh  
 **jeremy (9:11 am):** holy shit yeah i do? they must be from the squip? they look.. computery?  
 **jeremy (9:11 am):** i guess rich must have them too???  
 **jeremy (9:34 am):** wait hold on  
 **jeremy (9:34 am):** you saw rich shirtless  
 **michael (10:43 am):** YES i DID  
 **michael (10:43 am):** TRYNA NOT THINK ABT HIS SHOULDERS TOO MUCH RN  
 **michael (10:44 am):** he woke up before me and took my keys to keep me locked in my car and he walked to get me fucking breakfast  
 **jeremy (10:46 am):** MICHAEL  
 **jeremy (10:46 am):** im serious you should tell him !! hes getting you breakfast! (brunch?)  
 **jeremy (10:49 am):** wait  
 **jeremy (10:50 am):** you slept in your car?  
 **michael (10:51 am):** jeremy thats not important  
 **michael (10:51 am):** richs biceps are INFINITELY more important than us sleeping in my car

* * *

Of course Rich headed out to get them food, not only was it painfully intimate to wake up next to Michael.. he was hungry and had already been treated enough - he wanted to do something for him for once. Through a google maps search he found that there was a McDonald’s across the street and while normally he would protest against eating the same thing two days in a row.. the allure of hashbrowns was too much. When he woke he leaned over Michael, fighting to keep his gaze from staring at his lips too long, reaching around him until he could grab his keys before sitting back on his heels. Last night had been a lot and he’d seen Michael wince as he told his story but.. he looked so peaceful now, it made Rich feel like he could forget everything. 

“What did I do to _deserve_ you, Mell?” It was nearly silent, almost choked out. His face softened and he let his hand linger, brushing across Michael’s arm. Before it got to be too much he climbed out of the car before locking it - only once. He didn’t want to prime the alarm in case it woke Michael up, that was really the _last_ thing he wanted.

 **rich (9:56 am):** FUCKKKK  
 **rich (9:56 am):** how did i never realize i was bi  
 **jake (9:59 am):** i have my ringer on for you in case of morning emergencies  
 **rich (10:01 am):** NEWSFLASH!  
 **rich (10:01 am):** michaels fucikng back and shoulders are gonna make me DIE  
 **rich (10:01 am):** that IS an emergency  
 **jake (10:02 am):** did you finally say something? !!  
 **rich (10:03 am):** oh FUVK no  
 **rich (10:03 am):** he sorta changed in front of me and fuck i just wanna touch him all over he looks so fucking soft and hes got SOLID arms  
 **rich (10:04 am):** i want him to pick me UP with those ARMS  
 **jake (10:04 am):** keep it pg i just woke up man  
 **rich (10:05 am):** NO! hes HOT!

* * *

The sound of his car unlocking jolted Michael, his gaze flew up and he spotted Rich peeking in through the rear window. Despite everything.. he couldn’t help but smile as he rose to his knees and opened up the trunk so Rich could just crawl in. When the smell of hash browns hit him he sat up a bit straighter, “dude, _fuck yes_ literally the best start to vacation.”

There was a red dusting over Rich’s cheeks and Michael just assumed it was due to the warmth he felt from outside as he pulled the trunk closed again. He only mumbled something in response, Michael wrote it off as him just being flustered from doing something nice. If only he could understand the spike in Rich’s heart rate when he saw his face light up, if only he could feel the yearning ache he instilled. If only he knew the feeling was _mutual._

They ate in near silence, but it was comfortable. They were cross legged in the back of the cruiser, shirts rumpled, hair messy. To Michael’s chagrin Rich urged him to switch his hoodie for something more weather appropriate.. but he obliged, of course he did. Rich pretended that he wasn’t watching how his shoulders moved as he changed. In the end he settled on a black shirt with a Triforce on it, putting deodorant on as he grew paranoid over his lack of shower. He pulled out his brush and tried to drag it through his hair, there was a harsh swoop from where he’d been lying but it was the best he’d be able to do.

With a grunt he climbed into the driver’s seat, starting up the car as Rich followed suit. He bit back a snort of a laugh as Rich’s foot caught on the arm of the chair and he all but tumbled into the seat. “Dude, if you get hurt I’ll be pissed. We’re on vacation.”

After buckling in Rich simply gave him a middle finger but he couldn’t hide the grin on his face - it was the type that reached up to his eyes.

“So, I was looking stuff up. There’s like four arcades on the boardwalk. Like three are one end so I thought we could go down to that end. There’s also a ton of hotels, we might be able to find one that’ll let us book.” Rich was just happy to listen, he always was. At first it had been hard, he had a tendency to shoulder his way into a conversation and it didn’t take him long to realize that read like a form of rejection to Michael - rejecting whatever he was trying to say. It wasn’t easy but he learned to bite his tongue when Michael got _that look_ on his face as he spoke. “There’s this one, like, Playland. It looks fucking dope. Like, crazy big. I thought we could try going there today since we're not really window shoppers.”

Rich knew Michael didn’t expect much of an answer, his smile was enough as he sunk back into his seat, cracking the windows open a bit wider. He’d spent a lot of time before his squip seeing Michael and Jeremy and being _jealous._ They may have near equal levels of losers, or geeks, or whatever the word of the day was.. but they had each other. Worst of all, after all of it, Michael still sat in the hospital and waited for Jeremy after the shit he pulled. A nagging voice in the back of his head reminded him that Jeremy _had_ faced trouble for everything but he lost interest in listening to voices in his head a while ago. 

Regardless _he_ was here _now._ Richard Goranski was the one in Michael’s passenger seat, both unable to hold back when ABBA came on. It gave him a weird satisfaction that he did feel a bit bad for.. but he was happy. Jeremy was better. All that mattered was that now he had someone who was willing to stick it out for him.

* * *

Michael was right when he said the arcade was big. Really, it was almost an understatement, everything was buzzing and lit up and _crazy._ Rich loved it. Michael.. was excited but it _was_ loud, there was a lot of stimuli all at once, but, it was also an arcade. He was a bit conflicted. In the end his excitement won out, how couldn’t it? Rich looked like a kid in a candy store, he could barely keep his hands still, holding his arms tight to his side and clenching and unclenching his fists.

“ _Tokenstokenstokens,_ ” the words ran together as Rich grabbed Michael’s arm, dragging him towards a machine that turned money into arcade tokens. It made Michael’s chest tighten as his heart sped up, times like this made it easy to move on - easy to remember that the Rich that had bullied him wasn’t really Rich, _this_ was Rich. The old Rich didn’t often cross his mind anymore. He was fumbling for his wallet when Michael reached down to push his hand away, shouldering in front of him while pulling some cash from his own wallet.

“You walked and got me breakfast man, I’ll get some tokens.” Rich couldn’t see how much money he took out.. but _a lot_ of tokens rushed out the bottom into the collection cup. He watched as Michael reached up to grab a token cup from the top of the machine, scooping up the tokens before holding the cup out towards Rich. “Lead the way.”

So he did. He took the tokens and he looped an arm around Michael’s pulling him towards some arcade game covered in buttons. It almost looked like a DDR machine but instead of something to step on and a screen to follow there was a wall in front of them lined with big buttons. He watched as Rich slipped two tokens into the machine, bouncing a bit where he stood on the platform.

“Okay okay, when they light up hit them!” The game was already starting and Michael’s head was spinning - and not just because of the noise and being thrown into a game. The way the blue lights illuminated Rich’s face.. he was grinning and Michael could see that tooth gap he couldn’t help but love. Hearing Rich slam his hand into one of the buttons drew him from his thoughts with a start before jerking an arm out to slam a lit up button in front of him. By the time the timer ran out Michael was nearly panting, Rich was bouncing on his feet, leaning down to collect their tickets.

“Holy shit, find a game where I don’t have to work out.” Michael stepped off the platform, glancing back to see Rich stuffing the tickets into his pocket. The laugh that Rich gave him made him more breathless than the game so he fished his phone from his pocket. He didn’t even look at the notifications, he just needed an excuse to look away and compose himself. 

“Fine fine!” Rich was bursting with excited energy, slipping past Michael with a tight grip on the token cup. Michael was just glad he had longer legs, it was proving to be difficult keeping up as Rich darted between machines, looking for something fun. “I’m gonna win you thomething Mell!”

The lisp was barely audible above the rabble but, just like always it made Michael grin as he broke into a half jog to place himself at Rich’s side again. A few months ago he wouldn’t be able to tell you his favorite sound, the summer before he would have said Jeremy’s laugh. Now he had too many - Rich’s lisp, his laugh, the way his breath sounded as he fell asleep pressed up against Michael’s back. When Rich looked up at him he nearly leaned down to pull him into a kiss.

Instead Rich dipped to the side, putting himself in front of a skeeball machine.

After nearly five games of skeeball Rich had only cut through half the tokens and he had amassed a hefty amount of tickets, enough so that they didn’t fit comfortably in his pocket anymore. He leaned over to tuck them into Michael’s hoodie pocket (Rich _tried_ to get him to wear a t-shirt but right before they got out of the car Michael had second thoughts and Rich wasn’t going to ask him to be uncomfortable), looking up at him before stepping away, if he’d been Jeremy’s height their faces would have been close enough that Michael probably would have just kissed him. He always found his height difference endearing but this time it kept him out of trouble. He kept telling himself it would get easier, pretending it was just like his situation with Jeremy where it would fizzle into a friendship and eventually they’d just be like family. Instead every day it got harder, he was scared for the day it would boil over. 

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want me to find _something_ for two _players?_ ” Rich stepped back from the machine after he moved to grab his token cup from where he set it on top of the side. He rattled the cup a bit in front of Michael. “You paid! I wanna let you play too!”

“Here,” Michael took his hands out of his pockets and took some tokens from the cup. “I’m gonna go play some Pac-man and see if I can beat the high score. You,” his hand bumped Rich’s shoulder before he tucked the tokens into his pocket, “keep getting tickets because you are definitely gonna win us something good at this rate.”

“Mell, I’m gonna win you the _best_ thing they got.” Not us, you. Michael couldn’t help but grin as he headed towards the retro machines he saw on the other side of the floor. If he had looked back he wouldn’t have seen Rich’s eyes following the whole way.

When Michael was out of sight Rich finally pulled himself from his stupor before he went back to pinballing between machines looking for something that would hold his attention. He tried some game where he had to use reaction time to hit a button at the right time but after two tries he found that he was too twitchy to be any good at it. Shaking off his frustration he turned his attention to a machine that piqued his interest - some sort of digital game of jump rope. Something about physical games just seemed attractive to him. Michael would have told him he had too much energy crammed inside his little body. He would have pretended to be mad that Michael commented on his height. Then they would laugh and Rich would let his head droop to bump Michael’s shoulder. He heard the game over noise as he completely forgot to jump. He was fucked.

The next time he put the tokens in he almost got the high score.

When Michael found him the tokens were gone and Rich had an armful of tickets. 

The machine they fed the tickets into ended up flashing some number over _5,000_ and Michael was speechless as Rich grabbed the piece of paper it spat out and scampered to the prize counter. When he caught up he saw Rich nearly leaning over the counter, peering at the prizes in the back while the employee looked a little exasperated. He almost apologized for Rich’s energy but not only did he not want to discourage him from being _happy.._ he also flushed just at the thought of asserting the idea that Rich’s was _his_ in any aspect. He only realized he’d been pulled into his thoughts when Rich was frantically pointing at something behind the counter pulled him back out. The employee turned around and Michael was not ready for Rich to be shoving a (perfectly huggable) frog plush into his arms. The roar of blood in his ears nearly drowned everything out but he could at least read Rich’s lips ‘he’s for you!’. 

* * *

One of the motels on the boardwalk took pity on them, Michael was sure his assurance that his parents sent him with money so he could afford a hotel for spring break must have been enough for them to finally bend. He was just happy for the sake of his back pain.

They made the trek back to the car, Michael held the frog under his arm the whole way there. And the whole way back. There was no way he was leaving it in the car. With their bags they headed back towards the motel, when they finally reached it they were sweating. Neither of them had ever been so excited to take a shower, but when Michael offered dinner Rich didn’t care about how gross he felt. He’d never pass up an opportunity to pretend they were going on a date.

“Okay, so I found a sushi place and it looks super cool,” Michael was leading the way now. Outside of the arcade he was less overwhelmed and with that his energy came flooding back. Rich on the other hand was more subdued, his battery had drained a bit. They had a way of balancing each other. “And since we’re on a fucking boardwalk I’m really excited, it’s probably going to be so good! I don’t think I’ve had any sushi since like two weeks ago and I need a fix.”

Rich could listen to him talk forever - he basically did. Even as they sat down Michael went right back to chattering, “a lot of places call it some variation of a ‘spider’ roll, or ‘spider crab’ I’ve noticed? But it’s like fried crab so it’s like a warm roll. Usually I prefer the cold ones - they’re like refreshing? But the fried crab is just _so good_ I don’t know what it is about tempura.”

With all the money that he was spending Rich was happy to sit back and just listen to Michael talk - even if he wasn’t buying him things he would give him all the time in his day, but that thought showed his pining off too much. _He_ was just glad _Michael_ gave him any time and attention. Throughout their whole friendship he didn’t go a day without thinking about how he didn’t deserve it and every day he waited for the shoe to drop. 

The whispers at school hadn’t quieted over time, they were just as brutal as they’d been the monday after Halloween. People would move in the hallway for him, but not like they used to - now they would purposely knock into him or they would look scared, giving him a wide berth. Even if he had Jake to hide behind, everyone noticed that he wasn’t who he used to be and he was more susceptible to getting targeted. There were stares, there were whispers. It was everything from making attacks on his scarring to treating him like an unstable _freak._ Every day that passed he waited for Michael to kick him out of his house and look at him like he was _dangerous._ But he just didn’t.. here he was, talking passionately about sushi, of all things.

If he didn’t feel so self-conscious about how emotional he tended to get post-squip he would have broken down right there. He hadn’t known his own brain for two years, it was strange to be back. All the emotions that his squip had so often switched off were back full force and sometimes it got hard to reel them in. That definitely didn’t help any of the new torment at school.

“Man, there’s just something about like.. crab salad as a concept. I could eat it plain, honestly. The best roll I’ve ever had probably was a crab roll and it had crab salad on _top_ and in it.. like. Dude. That shit was heaven.”

Without Michael he wasn’t quite sure where he’d be.

“I’m not really a fan of the cream cheese ones though - they’re really fucking weird. I don’t want to bite into something creamy with fish? I guess smoked salmon pinwheels are a thing people like but, eugh. Just give me some crunchies on top and some spicy mayo. Oh! And like some fucking unagi sauce, that shit slaps.”

In the end they ordered five different types of rolls to share between them. Spicy tuna and an Alaska roll at Rich’s request, he left the rest up to Michael. They ended up with a spicy crab roll, some fried crab roll, and shrimp tempura roll. They decided to skip over getting a California roll for the night, Michael picked up enough of them from 7/11, this was a way of treating himself.

They ate slow, Rich kept fumbling with his chopsticks, dropping roll after roll into his dish of soy sauce. Michael bit back an affectionate laugh because he watched the way Rich’s face flushed. They all had to start somewhere.

“Okay,” most of the sushi was gone and Rich covered his mouth as he mumbled - if he was going to talk with his mouth full then he could at least have some decency. “You were right about the fried crab. That _shit hits_ different.”

“I told you! Plus the lettuce is like.. really good? It’s like having cucumber in sushi.. like. Normally I hate that shit but it just goes with fish so well?”

“Dude - I could _listen_ to you talk about _this shit_ all day.” He said it without thinking and he was too worried about saying something that would give his feelings away that he didn’t notice the way Michael’s cheeks lit up.

* * *

There was something absolutely exhilarating about getting to actually sleep in a room. There had only been rooms with one bed left and despite nearly constantly sharing a bed Michael felt _nervous._ In an attempt to relax himself he snagged the shower first - he tried to keep his focus, the last thing he wanted to do was to zone out and take two hours. Rich must have felt just as gross as he did so he kept it brief. He couldn’t tell if it was warmer than the night before but it wasn’t like he would crack a window in a motel. There wasn’t any air, either. So after debating with himself he left the bathroom in just a shirt and boxers, pajama pants would be overkill.

He was almost disappointed that Rich didn’t comment on it. He was disappointed that Rich didn’t grab his arm and smile in _that_ way and pull him along. He didn’t back him against the wall and grab his shirt to pull him down so they were level. He didn’t kiss him like his life depended on it.

Michael threw himself into bed and smashed his face into the pillow.

What Rich _did_ do was come out of the bathroom in gym shorts and a towel around his neck. He guessed they were past the boundary of _shirts_ now because Rich was _very much_ shirtless and it took all of Michael’s self control to tear his gaze away. To his relief (and disappointment) any mood was ruined when Rich jumped onto the bed, dropping the towel on the ground. He rose to his feet unsteadily - their mattress definitely wasn’t one of the ones you got YouTube ads for. The ones where a guy would jump into bed and his wife’s wine wouldn’t spill. Michael knew this (not only because there was no way a motel would pay for that) because when Rich jumped he had to hold himself up to keep from tumbling into the center. The last thing he wanted was to take Rich’s full weight to his chest so he rolled over to slide off the bed. When he looked up what he saw left him breathless.

Rich’s hair bounced over his forehead as he jumped, Michael could tell the dye was starting to wash out and he made a mental note to ask Rich if he’d let him touch it up. His eyes were screwed shut and he was grinning unlike anything he’d seen. And that fucking gap in his teeth. All of that distracted him from noticing how close to the edge of the bed Rich was.

It was like he blinked and Rich was gone.

Scrambling to his feet he saw Rich on the ground.. he was silent. _That_ was odd. There was a look on his face, shock? He was holding his arm but Michael couldn’t see anything was wrong. Then they met eyes and Rich all but burst into tears - it was like the opposite of when a parent would overreact to the smallest scrape and then their kid would start sobbing. He was silent, waiting with baited breath until Rich cracked.

“M-Michael,” it was quiet. It was scared. Before he could understand that he was moving he was crouched in front of Rich, hand hovering over his shoulder. “I.. I think I might have broke it.. uh, I.. maybe a fracture?”

All things considered he was holding up averagely well, he was getting words out at least.

“O-Okay, shit.” He swallowed thickly, standing up and stumbling back a bit as he looked for pants. Rich wasn’t wearing a shirt. Fuck. “Okay, uh. I know this will suck but.. do you think you can get a shirt on?”

“Maybe.. do you have a big, loothe on?” This time the lisp broke his heart.

“Yeah, here.” Michael dug around for another pajama shirt, gently guiding it over Rich’s hurt arm before tugging it onto him. Any intimacy was drowned out by panic as he shoved Rich’s shoes onto his feet before slipping on his own. “Okay, I.. do you want me to drive? I don’t know.. how you feel about ambulances.”

“C-Car, pleathe.” An unspoken acknowledgement that said ‘yes, ambulances remind me of Halloween. Please drive’. He was sure that meant hospitals weren’t pleasant either but they couldn’t really get around that one. Grabbing his keys he led the way out, making sure the door shut behind them. He wrapped an arm around Rich’s shoulder, guiding him towards the car. It seemed like he was one more bad moment away from admitting something. They always seemed to have intimate moments within their hardship - it was getting frustrating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always the comments keep me going! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**jeremy (11:21 pm):** micah!!!  
 **jeremy (11:21 pm):** i got news!  
 **michael (11:32 pm):** me too  
 **michael (11:32 pm):** i think you should go first  
 **jeremy (11:35 pm):** okay!  
 **jeremy (11:35 pm):** i just wanted to say that christine and i talked and we decided that we want to get back together!  
 **jeremy (11:35 pm):** it’s gonna be so much better this time and i was just really excited to tell someone  
 **michael (11:36 pm):** dude thats great im happy for you  
 **michael (11:37 pm):** not to put a damper on that but im in the hospital with rich rn

* * *

The whole drive home Rich just apologized. Michael was just glad it wasn’t too bad of a break. He was glad that the cast ended before Rich’s elbow and he had most of his mobility without a sling. He was just glad Rich was okay, though he couldn’t forget that scared look on his face as he’d cradled his arm. Despite everything he handled the hospital visit well and Michael couldn’t help but feel proud - how couldn’t he? To see Rich facing his trauma, challenging it and _winning._

Rich was glad that Michael took him home. He wasn’t ready to face his dad. He wasn’t ready to face anything. He was glad Michael’s moms were at work, he was already overwhelmed by all the care he was getting, all the gentleness. He could have _cried_ just at the thought of how doting Michael’s moms would be. There would certainly be some homemade dinner placed in front of him that night despite him insisting that he didn’t want to intrude.

They easily fell into a rhythm for the rest of spring break, Rich stayed over the rest of the week and at some point in the middle Michael drove him home to pick some things up before taking him back to his place. They slept in until noon, Michael tended to wake up earlier but he’d lay there for upwards of ten minutes, feeling Rich’s chest rise and fall against his back. They’d roll out of bed and eat lunch around one, Michael taught Rich how to make pancakes. Some days Rich would make eggs, he called them omelettes, but they really were more like a scramble of sorts. Most days they got lazy and made sandwiches, grilled cheese if they were feeling crazy.

As the afternoon stretched on they would head back to the basement before trying to chip away at whatever game was holding their attention for the time being. Jeremy had come over one day, they all took turns playing AotD while Jeremy managed to keep his gushing to a minimum. Michael was grateful, so grateful that he started asking questions - Jeremy’s eyes would light up as he answered, even if it was just a recount of his lunch date. Unbeknownst to each other Michael and Rich both felt a pang of jealousy at the notion of _dating._ Jeremy just wished they’d both take advantage of their brain cells and finally say something.

By the time Michael’s moms got home they would head upstairs and help start dinner. It was something foreign to Rich and he nearly cried for every day there was a warm meal placed in front of him. To see cabinets and a fridge full of groceries was _overwhelming._ Michael was right, he really did need therapy. For now he just got a few stand-in parental figures. It wasn’t a replacement for any professional help, but it really did help. And, of course, Michael helped. They’d eat dinner and then they’d spend the night together. They’d watch YouTube or documentaries, they’d eat ungodly amounts of snacks, they’d talk.. or they’d just be quiet. Then at an unspoken time they’d just settle into bed.. Michael didn’t pretend to be asleep anymore. He would put his arm out for Rich’s head, he’d pull him up against his chest, he’d press his nose down into his hair. They slept like that every night Rich was there now.

Going back to school was hard. More than ever they couldn’t wait to get to the weekend, they joked senioritis was kicking early but it wasn’t that they wanted to graduate, necessarily. It was that they wanted _each other._ At some point Rich had shifted his seat in english class and Michael was glad there wasn’t any enforced seating because now Rich sat in front of him and Michael could hook his legs under his chair. He’d give the desk a jostle and he’d watch as Rich held a hand up to his face, he could picture him trying to hide a grin. His response would be to lean back in his chair until Michael started poking him in the back. That behavior extended into lunch most days, Rich would sit next to Michael (even on the days with the whole group), the circle shifted around them, instead of Brooke sitting on Michael’s left it became Rich. She didn’t seem to mind and he didn’t seem to notice the way she smiled at him when Rich would show up and sling an arm around his shoulders.

Conveniently, neither of them noticed the way Jake looked at them as Rich would drop his head onto Michael’s shoulder, either. Really it didn’t come as a surprise that they didn’t acknowledge Jeremy’s poorly hidden reaction to when the two of them started eating lunch with linked arms.. or linked pinkies. They weren’t sure how it happened - everything just seemed to happen out of nowhere with them. Trying to playfully wrestle a bag of chips away from Michael turned into him just linking their pinkies together and it just _stuck._

Linking pinkies turned into sharing a single bean bag at Michael’s place. Even when Jeremy wasn’t there to take up the other one. Even if all the signs were there.. they were both so certain that the other would never think of him that way. So they kept their mouths shut as the tension grew - they would pretend it wasn’t there, they’d pretend it didn’t mean anything. How could it? Michael knew Rich must have just been projecting his newfound bisexuality onto him and Rich knew Michael was just too nice for his own good, that he just wanted to help the kid who came from a broken home. They both knew they were never anyone’s first choice, the weird kids who sat in the back of the room. The weird kid who wore his headphones all the time, who was fine blending into shadows, who was fine with being a bit of a loser. The weird kid who started a house fire, who showed up to school with a black eye, who had acted like he was a junkie on Halloween looking for a fix of outdated soda. They knew they weren’t anyone’s choice. So how could they be each other’s?

* * *

It took almost two weeks but Michael finally remembered to ask Rich to let him touch up his hair. Really, it took no convincing. Come friday Rich was in his basement bathroom pulling a bottle of hair dye, a bag of cut up tinfoil, and some gloves from his bag. And.. hair bleach? Rich wouldn’t need it - it may help but his hair was already fairly light (compared to Michael’s) and he already still had some color left to build off of.

“Okay,” Rich tossed his bag back into the room and turned to the bathroom counter. “Hear me out. We _should_ match.”

“You know what.. alright.” It seemed to catch Rich off guard and Michael couldn’t help but give a toothy grin as he saw Rich’s eyes light up as he practically bounced over to sit on the edge of the tub. The way he looked up at Michael should have been outlawed - it made it really hard to try and move on.

Michael pulled on the gloves before grabbing the bottle of hair dye. He wasn’t quite sure of the best way to go about it, considering it was such a small piece of hair. He snatched a comb and did his best to separate the piece of hair before he poured some dye into his hand. The easiest way to go about it seemed to just go in with his hands. Realizing that he was on the verge of making a mess he understood what the tinfoil was for as Rich reached up around his arms and struggled to wrap up the piece of hair. Besides keeping the dye from getting on his forehead or the rest of the hair he wasn’t sure if it did anything, though.

“Do you think you can do your own?” Rich gave a sheepish smile, briefly raising up his cast, he would have done it but it wouldn’t be that simple. Michael decided he would rather not have Rich fumbling with any sort of bleach that close to his face, so he just nodded a confirmation. What Rich could do, though, was mix up some of the hair bleach before handing it up to Michael.

It may have taken almost ten minutes but Michael finally managed to separate a section of hair and apply bleach before getting tinfoil around it. He bit his tongue and chose not to complain about the slight burn where it touched his scalp - the grin on Rich’s face made it bearable. Rich made most things bearable, he realized.

Nearly two hours later they were finally matching. They looked into the mirror together, met with two boys with partially red hair and smiles unlike any other. Michael couldn’t help but focus on the difference in their height, Rich was barely above his shoulder and he couldn’t help but _picture_ him straining on tip toes to push their lips together. He gave his head a shake to dislodge the thought.

“Holy shit my moms are gonna freak.” It was only partially true, they definitely would be surprised but Michael had a lot more freedom than he let on. “Jeremy’s gonna think this is so funny.”

“We _should_ get him to do it but in blue.”

“Oh my fucking god you’re so right.”

Before they could stare at each other for too long they finally headed out of the bathroom and placed themselves in front of the tv. While they kept it to themselves.. it was yet another situation that felt just a bit too intimate. Michael had matched with Jeremy in various ways over the years but.. it was just different. Something about it being so easily visible.. that absolutely contributed. Besides, this was _Rich’s_ thing. It wasn’t like they had found something together, Rich had invited him into something that was his and it just felt good. Maybe he _could_ be someone’s choice.

**michael (9:05 pm):** dude  
 **michael (9:05 pm):** me and rich have matching hair now  
 **jeremy (9:12 pm):** you did the rooster stripe???  
 **jeremy (9:13 pm):** every day you test me more micah  
 **michael (9:14 pm):** theres nothing inherently romantic about it jer!  
 **jeremy (9:15 pm):** maybe not inherently  
 **jeremy (9:15 pm):** but you guys are always all over each other  
 **jeremy (9:16 pm):** you guys should kiss about it  
 **michael (9:17 pm):** omfggg go kiss christine about it  
 **jeremy (9:19 pm):** on it  
 **michael (9:19 pm):** >:p

* * *

“Prom tickets have been on sale for like over a week now, dude.” April was upon them, with March melting away behind them Michael just wanted things to start going well for Rich. Even if that meant urging him to ask a guy to prom. A guy who could maybe be him. But.. a guy who probably wasn’t him. “I really think you should ask that guy to prom, that you mentioned in like.. January.”

“Dude.” Rich groaned and buried his face in Michael’s shoulder. “I.. think I’d _just_ rather like.. hang out here with you. _Since_ you aren’t going.”

“C’mon Rich!” Michael sat up quick enough that Rich nearly tumbled out of his lap. “Don’t let me stop you! I’m sure whoever he is, he’d be excited to go with you. I’m fine here, I’ll probably go next year but it’s not a big deal for me now. It’s a bigger deal that you do something that makes you happy.”

“I’m _serious._ ” Michael would admit that he really _did_ sound pretty serious. He sighed and kept his head down, pressing it again up against Michael’s shoulder. “I wanna be here with you. _It’s_ a lot better than getting a tux and taking awkward _pictures._ We can.. play _games_ or _some shit.._ it’ll be our thing.”

Honestly, Michael couldn’t argue with that. No matter how much he wanted Rich to chase the things that made him happy.. he couldn’t argue when they were curled together and he was being told that _he_ was who Rich wanted to spend prom night with. If that’s what it took to make Rich happy then he’d be more than honored. His brain was really fighting with him though, it tried really hard to tell him that Jeremy was right, that Rich was into him.. but there was just some wall in the way. Regardless, who in their right mind would pass up spending a night with Richard Goranski? 

Richard Goranski who was still hurting but healing - who was so beautiful _with_ his scars, not _in spite_ of them. The guy who claimed he didn’t give a shit about school yet would call Michael during the night for help with math because it was _hard_ without the squip (even if he’d never admit it). The guy who would send Michael a draft of his english paper looking for an opinion all the while telling him how smart he was - how much he trusted his thoughts. The guy who kept him warm at night, the guy who wore his green hoodie to school, the guy who just smiled at Jeremy when he asked why he had it. The same guy who was curled up in his lap, now on his phone, head leaning against his shoulder. Fuck.

“Hey, Mell.” It was well past 11pm now and Michael couldn’t help but wonder where the time went. Rich’s voice was low, hesitant. “I-I.. you know I only.. uh, realized that I’m bi like.. a few _months_ ago. I, uh, _was_ wondering if you like.. have _kissed_ a guy before?”

That was the last thing he expected.

“O-Oh! I.. not really? Jer and I actually got.. fairly close to like, uh, trying it some time in middle school? Just to see what it would be like. Newsflash 12 year old Michael, you’re gay!” Michael shifted where he sat, pulling his head back a bit so he could look at Rich who was sitting up as well. “I.. would you want, uh-”

“Y..Yeah.” Rich nodded quickly, he wiped his palms on his shorts. “I..if that’th alright! I..I’ve jutht been.. wondering. A lot.” Michael watched Rich’s gaze flicker down to his lips - his breath caught. That wasn’t very _friend-like_ of Rich. It was bordering on dangerous.

“If there’s anyone in the world I trust with this, Rich, it’s you.” He huffed out a nervous laugh, licking his lips. “I mean.. I’m curious too, you know?”

While he wouldn’t say it he was more curious about kissing _Rich_ than just kissing boys. He didn’t have to think over it for long. Rich sat up a bit taller, his hands moving to hold the sides of Michael’s face and for a moment something about it felt familiar. He couldn’t think about it for too long because the second Rich’s lips touched his.. his brain shut down. Michael couldn’t help but think that Rich’s _lips_ felt familiar. Something about it just felt _right._

All that mattered was Rich - his hands that slid up into Michael’s hair, his weight where he sat in Michael’s lap, his lips. They were soft.. yet slightly chapped, there always seemed to be _some_ sort of roughness about him. It was something Michael could get used to, well, he _was_ used to it. It was something he wanted to keep around. He kept his hands to himself, no matter how bad he just wanted to hold onto Rich and not let go.

Though.. his efforts seemed to be in vain because Rich was leaning forward, pressing his chest up against Michael’s. His fingers tightened in Michael's hair and they tipped back into the chair a bit more. Deciding the time for modesty had passed, Michael let his hands wander, sliding up Rich’s back. He grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him impossibly close until their noses bumped and their teeth clacked, he held back a wince for the sake of not breaking the kiss.

It was like his body was on fire and he couldn’t help but think this was a bit more than curiosity. 

“Fuck,” Michael felt Rich breathe out the word as they finally separated, they lingered in each others space for a bit before he finally leaned back, crawling off Michael’s lap. “If I wathn’t thure I wath bi before.. I definitely know now.”

All Michael could do was nod and he wanted to slap some sense into himself - the guy he’d been pining over all but made out with him and all he could do was nod. “Yeah I.. that was my first kiss.”

“I.. uh. About that.” Rich sat back on his heels and backed up a bit more, not meeting his gaze. “When.. When we got drunk.. we, uh.”

“Oh.” That was why Rich felt so familiar up against him. “Dude, that’s fine. We were drunk, don’t feel bad about it, alright?”

There were a lot of implications there, a lot of conclusions he could draw. Rich _had_ kissed a guy (kissed _him!_ ) and he wanted to do it again. His brain tried to reason that he just wanted to do it sober, that there was nothing personal behind it. That part of his brain seemed to win out more often.

With that he held his arms out, beckoning Rich towards him. There was a beat before he caved and made his way back into Michael’s lap, tucking his head back under his chin. Silence settled over them and the longer it stretched out the more worry Michael felt over trying to ask what was going on between them. In the end neither of them said anything, they sat there until their breathing and heart rates returned to normal.

“Hey.. make me a promise, Rich?” Michael’s voice was barely above a whisper and he almost wished it had gone unheard but.. he also felt like he needed to say something, anything.

“Mhm, sure Mikey.”

“At least tell that guy how you feel, alright?” He let his eyes wander up at the ceiling, biting back the tears that were begging to be spilled. “I really want that for you. And I’m sure he must be totally into you.. and in the off chance he’s not, he can fuck off.”

“I..” Rich sighed into Michael’s shoulder and pressed his face closer against him. “Alright. I.. I’ll call him, prom night. That way you can hold me to it.”

“Alright bud.” The end was nearly choked out. While he knew it would be good, he wanted Rich to be happy, it still made his throat tight. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, he could almost picture it; sitting cross-legged on his floor, Rich across from him, dialing on his phone. He’d admit it and across the line he’d hear someone’s excited voice. Rich would smile and Michael would try to be happy. Michael _would_ be happy - even if he wanted to be happy for a different reason.

They fell asleep like that.

* * *

**michael (4:43 pm):** i need opinions  
 **jeremy (4:56 pm):** you have more opinions than anyone i know  
 **michael (4:58 pm):** jer  
 **jeremy (5:01 pm):** shit sorry dude  
 **jeremy (5:01 pm):** lay it on me  
 **michael (5:03 pm):** rich and i made out kinda  
 **jeremy (5:04 pm):** shit micah! when!!  
 **michael (5:04 pm):** last friday  
 **jeremy (5:05 pm):** its tuesday  
 **jeremy (5:05 pm):** did something happen?  
 **michael (5:09 pm):** NOTHING happened!  
 **michael (5:10 pm):** nothing happened at all!  
 **michael (5:11 pm):** i wouldnt care that much becausw honestly i was fucking curious about kissing a guy and he still talks to me were still friends  
 **michael (5:11 pm):** but FUCK i wish it was me dude  
 **michael (5:11 pm):** why cant it be me?  
 **jeremy (5:12 pm):** michael i fucking promise hes totally into you he holds your hand! you guys cuddle!  
 **michael (5:13 pm):** hes just comfortable in his sexuality now. its kinda sweet rlly  
 **michael (5:14 pm):** i got him to promise to hit up that guy he likes by prom  
 **michael (5:14 pm):** hopefully itll get easier to move on after that  
 **jeremy (5:19 pm):** fuck. micah  
 **michael (5:20 pm):** its so hard with that stupid fucking frog he won me  
 **michael (5:20 pm):** i hold it like its him  
 **michael (5:21 pm):** the day after he sleeps over it smells like him  
 **michael (5:21 pm):** this shit is so pathetic  
 **michael (5:22 pm):** im gonna be 18 and im actinf like an angsty 13 year old

With that Michael was called for dinner. The distraction was welcome but he just hoped his moms had had interesting days. He wasn’t really up to be the center of a conversation, especially not one about Rich. And of course they would bring him up, he practically lived part time at the Mell’s household - his moms loved him! They would ask about his cast, about how he’s been, about _prom._ Michael would have to bite his tongue and pretend that nothing was bothering him, he’d have to pretend to act like he wasn’t pining so pathetically. Which.. was something he didn’t excel at, he wasn’t good at hiding things, especially from his moms. The second he talked about prom they’d be all over it. He was sure they could already tell how hopelessly smitten he was.

Somehow he made it out of dinner alive. He kept up a facade well enough before disappearing back into the basement. He hadn’t smoked in weeks but.. it felt right. With prom around the corner his nerves were building exponentially and he needed _something_ to keep them at bay, if only for a few hours. He ended up sprawled on his back in bed, holding onto the frog Rich had won him while just staring up at the ceiling. It was like he blinked and it was suddenly 11pm. His body was begging for sleep, his emotions had just been draining his energy the whole week after their (second) kiss and it was tearing him apart. He felt like shit and he felt like shit for being so devastated over Rich’s love life. It had never gotten this bad with Jeremy and that scared him.

Fumbling around on his bed he grabbed his phone, tapping until he made it to safari.

_‘i really like someone??’_

_‘i really like this guy’_

_‘i really like someone and dont know what to do’_

Nothing was proving to be especially helpful.

_‘do i love someone’_

_‘how long to fall in love with someone’_

_‘how young can you fall in love?’_

The results didn’t really put him at ease.

[ **11 signs that you're falling in love, according to science | The ...** ](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-11-scientific-signs-romance-relationships-attraction-a7944751.html)  
_'_ _You always think about them. If you love someone, you may feel like you can't get them off of your mind. That's because your brain releases phenylethylamine, aka the “love drug” when you fall in love with someone. This hormone creates the feeling of infatuation with your partner…’_

[ **How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love? (Here's The Truth)** ](https://hernorm.com/how-long-does-it-take-to-fall-in-love/)  
_'_ _Some geek somewhere has deemed that men take on average three months to fall in love so around 88 days whereas women will head well over 100 days, closer to 150, before they reach that state. But, of course, women want to hear those words much earlier on even if they do wait longer to reciprocate…’_

[ **This Is When Most People Fall In Love For The First Time** ](https://www.bustle.com/articles/160133-this-is-when-most-people-fall-in-love-for-the-first-time)   
_'And though for most people it happens young, it's certainly not true for everyone. They found 55 percent of people fall in love for the first time between the ages of 15 and 18. So it's more than half, but that means 45 percent of people still haven't been in love when they enter college…’_

Michael decided that he didn’t want to think about it anymore. He locked his phone and closed his eyes.

He tried not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments/feedback are appreciated as always! with all the sites traffic metrics are kinda weird with hits not getting counted if people arent logged in so seeing you guys engage by kudos/comments/bookmarks really makes my day! <333


	13. Chapter 13

**jeremy (4:56 pm):** hey man i wont be able to text much because  
**jeremy (4:56 pm):** prom. ya know  
**jeremy (4:56 pm):** i can try to check my phone but  
**michael (4:58 pm):** jer dont worry  
**michael (4:58 pm):** go be straight with ur gf bud  
**jeremy (5:02 pm):** hey!!!  
**jeremy (5:02 pm):** i didnt come out to you for nothing!  
**michael (5:03 pm):** teasinggggg go be bi  
**michael (5:03 pm):** love ya jer have a good prom  
**jeremy (5:04 pm):** youll be okay micah! love ya too  
**jeremy (5:04 pm):** christine says have a good night!

Michael felt like he was going to be sick, Rich said he’d be there around 5pm and now as it slowly started to inch past his arrival time.. his stomach was in knots. He couldn’t help but stress, what if Rich already called the guy and now he had a date? What if Rich just didn’t want to see him anymore after the kiss. Another wave of nausea rolled over his stomach and his phone lighting up with a phone call did _not_ help. 

Not Rich.

“Hey momma.” Michael sunk down onto his bed, trying to hide his deepening disappointment. “What’s up?”

“Your mother and I are going to take a little date night, we thought we could give you boys some space. I know prom isn’t your thing, honey, but I still want you to have a good time.”

Dread. Dread filled his chest. What if Rich didn’t come and now he was home alone?

“Alright! Thanks.” He kept his sentences short and to the point, hoping his voice wouldn’t waver and give himself away.

“Feel free to pick up some dinner. If you don’t have cash you can use the card.”

“Thanks momma.” Michael flopped backwards until he was lying down. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, I love you honey.”

“Love you too.”

Without even looking he dropped his phone onto the comforter before getting up to pace his room. The rug in the center of his room started getting a track down the center of it where he was dragging his feet. His knees started to feel weak - Rich knew his house like the back of his hand, he should have just shown up, walked in the front door and just bounded down the stairs. Like always. He should be there. Why wasn’t he there?

Despite the April warmth he felt _cold._ A shudder ran through his body and a low whine slipped from him before he could realize it, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. God he felt pathetic, almost as pathetic as the night he realized he _(might)_ be falling in love with Rich. If he told himself back in January how he felt he would have gotten laughed at, he never really was a believer in himself falling in love. He believed in love! His moms were the biggest testament to love there was! But.. it seemed that it was something that he’d just never get. Maybe it was the internalized homophobia he’d fought for so many years. Or the internalized transphobia. Maybe he just believed he’d never be enough of a _guy_ to find a boyfriend. He reasoned that if he hadn’t fallen in love with Jeremy _who_ would he ever fall in love with? He didn’t make friends, he didn’t make bonds. Never, in a million years, could he have prepared himself for one Richard Goranski.

Now, here he was at age 17 (and almost a half) and if he didn’t love Rich now it really would only be a matter of time. He was at the edge of a precipice, his body ached and screamed at him to just take the jump.

It was strange, he was always so sure that it wasn’t a ‘young people thing’ (to fall in love) but it was hard to deny how deeply he cared. Besides, if his googling was anything to go off of then plenty of others felt the same way at his age (or younger). It was just.. a lot. Eventually he stopped pacing and made his way back towards his bed, settling down amongst his comforter. As he pressed his face into it he couldn’t help but notice it smelled like Rich. It was one of things he just couldn’t describe - all he could say was that Rich smelt _warm._ He sat up with a groan before he could get too swept up, picking up his phone to distract his brain.

 **rich** **  
** _missed call (5:07 pm)_

 **rich** **  
** _missed call (5:10 pm)_

 **rich** **  
** _missed call (5:13 pm)_

 **rich (5:15 pm):** are u ok? michael?

With unstable hands he hit the button to call back.

“Michael? Dude. What the fuck? Did _something_ happen?” The words hit him like a wall, they were rushed, nearly running together and he was suddenly swamped with _guilt._ Rich sounded worried and it was all his fault, once again his stomach rolled.

“I, sorry man. My mom called and then I just didn’t see.”

“Oh.. okay. _Sorry_ dude.” If he noticed the waver in Michael’s voice he didn’t say anything. “U-Uh, right. _So_ you know how you made me _promise_ to, uh, call that guy?”

Was he really going to do it now? He just called Michael to tell him that? Was he even coming over anymore?

“Yeah.” It was.. blunt. Harsher than he’d meant for it to be. “I get it dude, just fucking call him already, yeah? You can call me back.”

It wasn’t an excuse but.. he was mad. He was hurt. He hung up his phone and let out a defeated noise before flopping back onto his bed. All he wanted was for it to be over. Instead of crying he just rolled onto his side, glancing at his lockscreen. He watched Rich call again. Once. Twice. By the third time he just heaved out a groan before answering again, raising the phone up he almost lost it, whether that meant crying or getting angry he’d never know. All he knew was the weight on his shoulders.

“I can’t believe you, dude.” He didn’t sound angry, there was almost an amused note in there and that hurt even more. He could picture Rich’s grin _perfectly._ “Are you kidding?”

“What!” It wasn’t a question, it reeked of frustration - of hurt. “Can’t you just go do it already? Why do you keep calling me?”

“Hey - jeez dude. Do me a favor?” No matter how hurt Michael felt he knew he’d bend, he’d crack. Anything Rich asked.. Michael would be there. He wanted to cry. “Go look up out your window for me?”

Too exhausted to argue Michael hauled himself out of bed. He pinned the phone up to his ear with his shoulder as he pulled out the piece of wood keeping it shut before tugging it open. He hefted himself up into the well with a heavy sigh, he was taller than Rich so when he straightened he was able to look over the edge and see Rich. Rich Goranski was in his backyard.

Richard fucking Goranski was in his backyard in a t-shirt layered with an open flannel, backpack slung over his shoulder. He was holding a sign up with one hand, the other still holding up his phone.

**‘bi the way, it’s always been you. i know i’m not jer but i’ll be your player 2.’**

“Fuck you!” His voice crackled over the line, making Rich flinch before he saw Michael haul himself up into the yard, collapsing onto his knees, almost sounding out of breath. He heard his breath shudder, the telltale sound of tears, but before Rich was able to form any reaction Michael was speaking again. “It’s _me._ I’m the guy!”

“You’re the guy.” It was soft, everything about Rich was soft for once. “The guy I’m totally into.”

All Rich saw was _awe_ as Michael fumbled to hang up his phone before he stumbled to his feet. He was crossing the lawn and Rich was just frozen to his spot because Michael looked so _pretty_ with that look on his face - unbelieving, shaky smile settling on his face, a little bit of pleading. Something incoherent fell from his lips as he babbled and instead of trying to talk he just gathered Rich up in his arms. “Wait, hey!”

After a beat he pulled back, eyes scanning over him for a moment before the realization clicked.

“You got your cast off!” _That_ was what he decided to notice and before Rich could respond he just shook his head, gripping his face in his hands. “It’s _me!_ ”

At this rate Rich would never get another word in because Michael just surged forward, dipping his head so that he could kiss him. He felt Rich relax against him, this kiss was a lot softer than any of the ones that came before. It wasn’t as long either because soon Rich was pulling back and laughing and it looked like he was on the verge of _tears._ Michael realized _his_ eyes were full of tears. As he blinked they fell down his face and he was grinning and crying and he felt like he could pass out.

“Holy thit.. I.” A laugh came from Rich and he hurried to tuck his phone away so he could reach and arm up to wrap around the back of Michael’s neck. “I wath.. tho fucking worried and.. I never bought any _tickets_ and..”

“I couldn’t care less, Rich, I fucking promise you.” All he cared about was pressing his face into Rich’s hair and taking in a breath - he didn’t have to feel guilty about letting Rich overwhelm his senses anymore. “L-Let’s go inside?”

They broke apart with nervous laughter and even though they were so used to physical closeness now they both knew what it meant and.. it made them flustered. How couldn’t it? They made their way to the window well, Michael dropped in first and then Rich followed, handing the sign to Michael so he could place it inside safely. 

“Hey, you have long arms.” 

“Yeah?” Michael couldn’t keep the giddy smile off his face - his mood flipped and now he just didn’t know how to stop. He pushed his glasses up so that he could wipe at his eyes. Rich pulled out his phone and grabbed the sign before heading over to him.

“Do you think you could get a picture of us?”

After struggling with angles the boys gave up and placed themselves in front of the mirror on Michael’s closet door to take a picture. Yet again he was on Rich’s story. This time felt the best of them all. 

* * *

**jeremy (6:43 pm):** we just had dinner and were on our way to prom so i look at richs story in the car and!!  
**jeremy (6:43 pm):** i told you dude! im so happy for you!!!!!!  
**jeremy (6:44 pm):** i wish you could be here with everyone

 **christine (6:44 pm):** yes!!!!! congrats michael!!!  
**christine (6:45 pm):** rich has been telling me about how he wanted to ask someone to prom for months in our bio class  
**christine (6:45 pm):** i had my guesses and im so happy to see it all work out for you two!!!!

* * *

Almost immediately after taking the picture they ended up making out, this time without any hesitation. They stumbled over to Michael’s bed and collapsed into each other’s arms - he didn’t have to hold back anymore out of some internalized guilt.

This time they just couldn’t get close enough.

Michael leaned over him, ducking in so fast that their teeth clacked. Not that they cared. Breaths rushed out between kisses and Michael gripped his sides, as if he let go Rich would disappear. In response Rich’s hand shot up to tangle in Michael’s hair, dragging him even closer. Their noses bumped and Michael’s glasses pressed hard against his cheek. In response Michael just slid his hands up, slowly dragging his palms up and down Rich’s sides. With a jerk Michael’s head was pulled back and suddenly Rich was speaking.

“I’ve been thinking about thith all week. About you.” He was breathless because of _Michael._ It made a chill run down his spine, knowing that he could do that.

“Don’t think then, just kiss me, yeah?”

So he did. Their lips crashed back together, hands gripping onto each other like the world was ending. They felt as if they broke apart _it would._

* * *

**jake (6:55 pm):** i told you you could do it! :)  
**jake (6:56 pm):** grats richie  
**rich (7:12 pm):** just made out with him for like ten minutes  
**rich (7:12 pm):** i need a favor  
**jake (7:13 pm):** i shouldn't be surprised  
**rich (7:14 pm):** you should break us in to prom  
**rich (7:15 pm):** is there like a back door you can let us thru

* * *

“You’re kidding me.” Michael spoke it breathlessly from where he laid on his back. Rich raised his head off his chest, leaning over to look down on him - it took everything for him to not just start kissing him again, he might as well let him get a word out finally. 

“No!” Rich peeled himself away, rising up he sat back on his heels, carding a hand through his hair in a hope to tame it where Michael’s fingers made it a mess. “I texted Jake. C’mon - _it’s so us_ you know? Who _else_ would _crash_ prom?”

“They’ll totally notice us. We’re gonna be dressed like we’re on a nice date to fucking Chili’s!” He gave a slight gesture to Rich’s outfit and while he tried to sound incredulous he couldn’t keep himself from smiling.

“Hey! I thought my outfit looked good!”

Michael only responded by pulling him down until he could kiss him again. Rich was right, though. Them crashing prom did sound fun as hell.. and really funny considering the attire. Besides, he really did want to see Rich dance, if Halloween was anything to go off of then he was in for a treat. The nicest thing Michael owned was a button up dress shirt covered in a bulbasaur pattern and Rich was wearing a black shirt with a retro pokemon logo and an open flannel. They looked like fucking geeks - they _were_ fucking geeks! Geeks! Losers! And anything between that.. and they were content with that fact.

“C’mon! We can go for real for _senior_ prom.” Rich pulled back, though one of his hands lingered on Michael’s cheek, thumb brushing over his face. “If you’ll _stay_ with me that long.”

It was said in jest but.. there was still an edge there. An edge placed there from years of mental torment, from trauma, from fear. It made Michael’s heart drop, the thought that he would just _ditch_ him.

“You,” he punctuated the word by reaching to brush a hand through Rich’s hair, “are all I’ve thought about since.. like, January. I’d be fucking honored to crash prom with you.”

They didn’t kiss this time - Michael sat up and he pulled Rich in close. They just held on, eyes closed, breathing calm. He swore their heartbeats fell in sync - it felt right. They held on without any worries of being too weird, of going too far, it was everything they’d wanted it to be.

* * *

**jake (7:22 pm):** are you coming?  
**jake (7:22 pm):** jenna is making a diversion  
**rich (7:23 pm):** were outside!!!  
**jake (7:24 pm):** im opening the door!

* * *

“Micah?” Jeremy’s voice turned a bit shrill at the end and he winced just slightly. He’d spun around, surprise swimming in his eyes as he spotted his friend. “How’d you guys get in.. and what are you wearing?”

Their attire was vastly different from Jeremy’s tux and Christine’s dress - they looked straight out of a magazine, dressed to the nines with shades of blue. It only made Michael all the more excited for senior prom, the thought of Rich done up in a tux with a bright red bowtie made him smile. Of course they’d do red.

“Hey! We didn’t have a lot of time to plan,” Rich butted in, linking his arm tightly with Michael’s. It was different than before, something about it felt.. almost possessive. Well, maybe that wasn’t quite the right word. Either way, it made him feel like he was _Rich’s,_ and it made him giddy. “We’ll give you a run for your money _next_ year.”

“How long until they get caught and kicked out?” Jake’s voice cut in from their right and it was followed with a sharp laugh from Brooke.

“Hey! I think we look pretty good.” Michael turned to face them and was caught off guard for a second. “Oh! You cut your hair?”

“O-Oh, yeah.” Brooke almost seemed surprised that Michael was acknowledging her and the fact almost made him short circuit, in his head it was the other way around. All of Jeremy’s (and _his_ ) new group was great (especially Rich) and he liked to be around them, even if it drained him to be social. Brooke was a bit different though, he almost felt a soft spot for her. He supposed it came from both having a pretty rough experience with Jeremy, he felt like he kind of understood her.. It was behind them though, they were healing. Brooke seemed to be doing okay and while Michael couldn’t be sure he thought he’d heard she had a girlfriend.

“I like it, you really pull it off.” Brooke flushed a bit at that, giving him a beaming smile. People didn’t often shave their head for no reason and especially with prom.. if it had been the result of something Michael just hoped she wasn’t too self-conscious. She really was a sweet girl. “And that’s coming from a gay guy, so you know I’m not just gassing you up to hit on you.”

“I like your hair too!” She perked up and moved to poke at both his and Rich’s cheeks. “You guys match, it’s so cute.”

The group fell into easy conversation, Jenna had come over during it all and Michael was able to come to the conclusion that Brooke _did_ have a girlfriend. Good for her.

With Michael and Rich together some invisible tension seemed to lift and Michael had plans to grill Jeremy to find out how he knew everything would work out. Based on everything going on around him everyone had been on the edge of their seats waiting for this to happen. Looking back.. maybe it was a bit obvious. At least it was something they could laugh at now.

* * *

“We at _least_ gotta _dance_ before we go.” Michael felt his face heat up as Rich looked up at him, he had never felt too much shame but.. he already felt like there were a lot of eyes on them. In fact, he practically danced down the school hall before, headphones blasting his new song of the week but.. This was different. Different in the best way.

How could he say no?

With the radio’s top mediocre straight song of the month playing Michael let Rich drag him to the edge of the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around Michael’s waist and he all but _melted,_ moving his own arms around Rich’s neck. His fingers played with the hair on the back of his head. For a good two minutes they swayed together like that, Rich leaning his head back against the gentle touches. When that faded into the radio’s top semi-decent pop song of the month, Rich slipped out of Michael’s grip and tried to get him to jump around a bit. To save Michael from getting too overwhelmed Jake ended up stepping in, he was happy to watch.

Plus, he got to see Rich honest to god go into a handstand and then proceed to do the _worm._ If he wasn’t thinking too hard about his biceps before he was _really_ thinking about them now.

* * *

In the end Michael convinced Rich to skip out before they got _kicked_ out - just in case it got them banned from the next prom. He really didn’t want to risk that. So, after they got one too many suspicious looks Michael took him by the hand and slipped out the same way they came in. This time he let his thoughts linger on how well their hands locked together.

 **michael (8:21 pm):** mark my words heere  
**michael (8:21 pm):** next year we will be the best dressed couple  
**michael (8:22 pm):** dont test me  
**jeremy (8:23 pm):** yeah yeah  
**jeremy (8:23 pm):** im just really fucking happy for you man  
**jeremy (8:24 pm):** i cant wait

They ended up at IHOP.

This time they sat on the same side of the booth.

“So, uh. I guess,” Michael turned his gaze down towards the pancakes in front of him, poking at them and dragging them through the syrup pooled on the plate. “What.. what does this mean for us?”

“I mean,” it was Rich’s turn to look away, flushed as he focused on cutting up his sausage with a fork. “I think.. we both know, yeah?”

There was a beat of silence and Michael stuffed his face with maybe a few too many pieces of pancake he cut up in order to have an excuse for the quiet. Rich did the same, taking a bite of some sausage that he’d doused in syrup - Michael had made fun of him for it, the laugh he got in response had sounded just a little more genuine, a little more free.

“I..I wanna hear you say it.” It was less a command, it was quiet.. tentative. At this moment he was sure he’d never wanted anything more in his life than _Rich._

Rich with the lisp that broke through when he was showing his heart to Michael. Rich who’s burn scars tore up some of the squip scars that almost looked _blue_ under his skin. Rich who really was a geek, a weirdo.. who let himself finally be that geek, that weirdo. Rich who could actually dance, who could do the _worm_ of all things. Rich who was going to beat his trauma. Rich who would escape his dad - who wouldn’t end up _like_ his dad. Rich who finally came out, who let himself look at boys that way. Rich who was looking up at him with big eyes that looked far too soft.

“Well quit looking at me like that then.” His gaze dropped and his cheeks flushed darker.

“Fuck, man. I can’t help it.” Michael let his hand slide over the booth’s bench so he could hook his pinky with Rich’s. “Really, truly. You’re so.. amazing. And strong. And pretty.”

“Alright, alright.” Rich bumped his head against Michael’s shoulder and let out a short laugh. And then he was looking at him this time, looking up at Michael.

Michael who was the strongest person he knew. Michael who pretended things didn’t get to him, but who was really sweet and sensitive. Michael who he could listen to for hours. Michael who picked him up when he was down. Michael who brought him into his home, who kept him safe. Michael who made sure he ate, who held ice up to his black eye. Michael who held him when the memories, the flashbacks, got too much, when the nightmares got too much. Michael who made him believe that he didn’t deserve the hand life had given him.

“C’mon, say it. Please say it, man.” Michael tightened his grip in a little squeeze, trying to be reassuring. (It worked.) Rich averted his gaze for a brief moment before he took a breath. Setting his fork down he shifted, turning his body to face Michael, finally lifting his head and opening his mouth.

Michael swore he felt the world just freeze.

“Boyfriendth. I wanna be your boyfriend.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there we have it! the boys! theres still one more chapter though!! :^)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapters just slightly shorter but it felt right so, here yall go

Loving Rich was easy.

Their summer was slow and warm, they picked up jobs but they made sure they weren’t too overwhelmed. Most of their nights were spent gaming, diving into a new interest, or.. really, making out (unless Jeremy was there). They didn’t stay up as late, though, a byproduct of working part time. Often they dozed off before midnight, awkwardly curled around each other as they wanted to be close while also trying to ward off the sticky heat. Despite their efforts they always woke up stuck to each other.

Michael’s mothers were fairly certain what was going on, though they hit the wall of letting Michael be his own person, their parenting really made him who he was. Now as he was edging on 18 he had a lot of space and his life, leaving his mothers unsure of how to broach the subject without making him defensive. Especially since Rich sleeping over was out of a need for safety as well as a simple want. They decided to leave the subject alone for the time, sure that Michael would bring it to them when he was ready.

And he did.

As the summer started to dip into August and Rich found a night to stay at home Michael was offered the perfect time. Of course, they had talked about it beforehand, Rich had said he’d rather not be around for the reveal. There really was something flustering about the idea of being around while Michael told his moms about him. It was already boggling to him that he woke up nearly every day next to the guy who he was head over heels for. As long as he didn’t lose his place in the Mell household he was alright.

“Hey, momma?” He leaned to peek into the kitchen where his mom was making coffee, his other mom was at work - it seemed easier to talk to them about it one at a time. Or at least to tell one and wait for her to tell the other, he wasn’t stupid. His moms would be over the moon that he was in a relationship. But he was a teenager, no matter how much he loved his moms telling them he had a _boyfriend_ was new and it was strange.

“Yes honey?” She turned around, warm mug in hand as she leaned against the counter. There was no going back now. There was a look on her face - part of Michael wondered if she already knew what he was going to say.

“So, uh. Rich.. Rich and I are dating.”

There was a beat of silence and it seemed like his mom was holding back a bemused grin as she nodded.

“You knew, didn’t you.”

“Sweetie, you two are so sweet to each other, besides we’ve all seen how you look at each other during dinner. We’re really happy for you boys, Rich is a really sweet kid.” She tipped her head and smiled, all the tension left Michael as his shoulders slumped.

“So, does..” He rubbed at his arm, shuffling his socked feet over the hardwood. “Does that mean, uh-”

“Rich can stay here still. Michael, we’re not going to send him back to somewhere you say isn’t good for him. But, as your mother you know I’m obligated..” Michael groaned, averting his gaze. “I can’t stop you but I can tell you to be safe.”

“Momma!” His face flushed darkly and he crossed his arms tightly.

“I _am_ happy for you, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, Momma! Thanks Momma!” It was shouted backwards as he scrambled back towards the basement, face turned in an attempt to hide how mortified he was.

At the end of the day.. it went well.

* * *

 **michael (4:22 pm):** it went well!  
 **michael (4:22 pm):** not that we thought it wouldnt but you can still stay here  
 **rich (9:45 pm):** omfgggggggg going home now  
 **rich (9:45 pm):** ill see u tomorrow?  
 **michael (9:47 pm):** ofc  
 **michael (9:47 pm):** come over when you wake up?  
 **michael (9:47 pm):** unless u want me to pick you up  
 **rich (9:49 pm):** sleep in ill walk  
 **rich (9:50 pm):** gonna pass out see u in the morning mikeyyy  
 **michael (UNSENT):** i love you  
 **michael (9:53 pm):** night richieeeeee

* * *

School was alright. It seemed that things really did get better with time, even if it wasn’t perfect. Less people bothered Rich, becoming seniors shook up the social standings a bit and he was back towards the top. That plus him being seen with Jake around school more often really helped. It wasn’t like they weren’t talking the semester before but it was still a bit.. weird to say the least. Unsurprisingly Michael made a few jumps on the social ladder, he didn’t feel any particular way about it, it was just weird to him that freshmen knew his name.

They went fully public around the middle of September, very few people were surprised. Their idea of not being public was basically just not kissing on school grounds, it wasn’t hard to figure them out. At the end of the day the school knew, how they found out didn’t matter much between them being all over each other the previous spring and prom.. they saw it coming.

Against all expectations they skipped homecoming. (Well, Jeremy wasn’t surprised.) Michael was building up his social tolerance for prom, another school dance wasn’t his idea of a good time. Luckily Rich didn’t seem to mind, they stayed home, Michael was tapping away at Minecraft on the Switch while Rich sat next to him, engrossed in something on Michael’s 3DS. They stretched out until their legs crossed over each other, it was everything they wanted. _They_ were everything they wanted.

Halloween was a test, in some ways. Their whole group was tense at the idea and in the end no one brought it up to Michael and Rich. In the end no one did anything, no costumes, no candy, no parties. It was probably better that way but.. either way Rich shot up in bed some time passed midnight, a choked noise coming from his throat.

Michael didn’t shift at first and Rich took that as a sign to handle it himself, wiping sweaty palms against the comforter. His throat felt tight, remembering the feeling of smoke filling his airways. It wasn’t always this bad, he could go months without an episode.. but here he was. His breaths became gasps, hands scrambling for something to hold onto before his fingers twisted into the comforter. A shudder ran down his back and he wasn’t sure which memory was worse - the flames and smoke or the sharp, mind numbing pain that shocked down his back. (It was neither, the worst pain was the resulting trauma.)

“Rich?”

The only response Michael got was a choked sob.

“Hey, hey. Come here. C’mere.” Michael’s voice was low, dripping with sleep as he shifted with a grunt to open up his arms. Rich all but crashed against his chest, tears and snot alike wetting Michael’s shirt.

After that the world seemed to melt away.

_‘I love you.’_

Rich’s short gasps of sobs soon quieted, turning into labored breathing that eventually evened out. Only after Michael was sure he’d fallen back asleep did he allow himself to close his eyes, the second he did he was asleep. He dreamed of Rich (he always did). Dream Rich sat on his lap, peppering kisses over his face, whispering after each one _‘I love you’._

* * *

Rich didn’t go home for Christmas. Michael pretended to not be concerned at the fact that his father hadn’t so much as texted him to find out where he was. In a roundabout way he was glad that he and his moms could give Rich a Christmas he deserved. They slept in until noon, only getting up at the promise of food as his mom yelled down the stairs. Rich had never had french toast.

The day ended up being a lot of firsts - or firsts in the last ten years.

“Wait, okay I have one more _secret_ gift for you.” Rich turned his head to look at Michael as they headed back down to the basement for the night, arms full with gifts from each other and Michael’s moms.

“C’mon, Richie. No way. You don’t need to give me more shit.” He didn’t even comment on how comical it was that Rich was hiding a present for him in his own room. (Though he’d consider it his _and_ Rich’s room these days.) He watched him drop his armful of gifts onto one of the bean bag chairs before dropping low so he could move to reach under Michael’s bed. The corners of the wrapping paper were crunched up, it was nearly completely covered in tape but Michael didn’t have much time to look at it before Rich was urging him to tear into it.

“Hurry! Look!” In the interest of pleasing his boyfriend Michael sunk to sit on the ground next to him as he started tearing the paper off. “Ever _since_ you got that new phone you kept complaining about needing that adapter for your _headphones_ and you _just_ keep _losing_ it.”

Matte red beats.

“No way dude.” Michael turned the box over in his hands. “Richie c’mon, no fucking way. These are like 300 dollars.”

“If I can _spend twice_ that to ruin like two _years_ of my life I can _spend_ it on you.” His face was split wide in a grin and the tip of his tongue poked out from between his teeth playfully.

_‘I love you.’_

Michael’s chest felt tight and he wasn’t wearing his binder this time. His _heart_ ached. All he could do was set the box down and reach over to drag Rich into his lap, hugging him tightly. He buried his face in his hair, pressing his lips firmly to the top of his head.

_‘I love you.’_

“Now I feel like I gotta get you something else.” He breathed out a chuckle against the top of Rich’s head. “You outdid me.”

“I got _you_ baby, _that’s_ all I need.”

“Baby?” There was a snort of a laugh that made Rich’s face flush.

“What!” It was squeaked out and he pressed his face in Michael’s shoulder. “Can’t a guy _use_ a pet name?”

“Sure can, sweetheart.”

Rich fucking _melted._

* * *

At first college was a point of contention. Michael wanted Rich to really chase his dreams and he worried Rich was only following him to whatever college _he_ chose. Rich really promised him that he didn’t even have a _dream_ college and where Michael was going was a decent place he could likely get into.

“You and Jeremy are both going!” Rich burrowed his face further against Michael’s chest.

“I.. I know. I just want you to be sure, that’s all.”

“I’ll be happy if I can even get into _that school,_ Mikey.” There was a beat, Michael really didn’t know what to say to that one. “It _is_ a pretty good _school,_ we’ll be _close_ to home, we’ll be with Jeremy.. and we’ll be together.”

_‘I love you.’_

“Alright, alright. I get it.” Michael shifted with a long breath, twisting so that he was on his side, facing Rich. “As long as that’s what _you_ want.”

“You’re everything I want, yeah?” 

_‘I love you.’_

Michael just leaned forward to capture his lips in a kiss.

* * *

 **jake (1:46 pm):** okay don’t tell anyone i’m leaking yearbook secrets  
 **jake (1:47 pm):** you and michael won a superlative  
 **rich (1:52 pm):** ur kidding me  
 **jake (1:52 pm):** you guys are apparently the first gay couple to win cutest couple  
 **rich (1:52 pm):** mikeys gonna fucking lose it  
 **rich (1:53 pm):** thats kinda fuckin killer

* * *

By March the _real_ senioritis kicked in. It was vastly frustrating, though, because Michael had seen Rich struggle with school.. but it was getting worse. Where they used to be able to take a night to themselves to just make out and lazily watch YouTube there were now nights where Michael would pour over Rich’s math homework with him. It was hard. Well, the math wasn’t too hard for Michael. He wasn’t the best at school but he was able to grasp the material. It was hard for him to see Rich struggling. Now he was sat at Michael’s desk, leaning over to ask a question every few minutes to his boyfriend who was lounging on his bed after finishing his own work. The lamp light illuminated his face, brow creased in frustration. Even in times like this he managed to look ethereal.

_‘I love you.’_

* * *

They couldn’t skip the cheesy pictures this year. Michael’s moms refused to let him take Rich to dinner until they posed in the front lawn. He really couldn’t blame them, though. At the end of the day he was glad knowing that they were going to have pictures to look back on.

“Wait, wait. Hold on. One more.” Rich was bubbling over with excitement, fidgeting with the sleeves of his tux before shifting behind Michael. Before he could say anything Rich was scooping him up bridal style. His moms made excited sounds as they kept snatching pictures. He tipped his head to plant a kiss to Rich’s temple, admitting defeat.

_‘I love you.’_

* * *

They wore matching red bowties, equally matching flowers pinned against their chests. 

“Who do you think is going to win king and queen?”

“Do you have no faith in _us?_ ” Rich hung off Michael’s arm as they waited in line for photos.

“I mean, I.. it’s not that.” Michael flushed a bit, shifting his feet. “It’s just.. I’m me?”

“ _First_ of all..I,” _love you._ “You’re like, the _best._ And _second_ we won _best_ couple for yearbook!”

“I know, I know.” It was a good natured grumble as he turned away in embarrassment. “I just can’t believe how much shit has changed.”

“For the better?”

“For the better.”

The line moved again and suddenly they were at the front. He turned to shift Rich’s bowtie before lopping an arm around his waist and leaning in for the picture.

* * *

“Richard Goranski!”

Michael wasn’t surprised, he couldn’t be. As Rich walked out he looked _beautiful,_ he was fucking _glowing._ Everything seemed to slow down as he watched the crown get placed on his head, cheering was drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears. Usually he hated being the center of attention but.. all he wanted was to be standing up there next to his boyfriend. He couldn’t find it in himself to get too mad, Brooke was doing pretty well as far as garnering support and he wouldn’t be surprised if she won. Honestly, he’d be alright with that.

“Michael Mell!”

Huh?

If he thought time had stopped _before_ then it must have been reversing at this point. He stumbled a bit as he urged himself forward, finding his place by Rich’s side. The lights were hot and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.. in a.. good way? For once his heart wasn’t racing out of fear, his heart was racing as he met Rich’s gaze. There was something there, a silent _‘I told you so.’_

“I told you tho,” this time it wasn’t silent, whispered out of the corner of Rich’s mouth as someone strained upwards to place a crown on his head. His and Rich’s matched and.. oh god, they really went and got another ‘male’ crown. He glanced at Rich and his lips twitched into a grin, he couldn’t even get a whisper to escape, he could barely draw in a breath.

_‘I love you.’_

* * *

To say prom was amazing would be an understatement. Somehow Rich convinced Michael to dance to more than one song, he had considered it a personal win. They had never kissed in front of that many people before and Michael couldn’t help but feel giddy as Rich reached up to plant a kiss on him. He wished he could have just told the scared kid he’d been in middle school _everything._ That everything he wanted was right in front of him, smiling, showing off that damned tooth gap.

Afterwards they couldn’t help but go to IHOP. They weren’t even hungry. They shared an omelette and downed some average hot chocolate. Michael slung an arm around his shoulder, they leaned in, bumping heads gently. The silence was split when Rich opened his mouth. “Thankth.”

“Hm?” Michael leaned forward, scooping up another bite of the omelette. “For what?”

“Everything?” Rich shifted where he sat, straightening up to take a sip of his drink. “For _this_ whole year.”

_‘I love you.’_

“Of course.”

With that he pressed a chaste kiss to Rich’s temple.

* * *

 **jeremy (6:11 pm):** dude when are you gonna tell him?  
 **michael (6:12 pm):** idk what ur talking about  
 **jeremy (6:13 pm):** micah  
 **michael (6:15 pm):** im gonna  
 **jeremy (6:18 pm):** you know he loves you too  
 **michael (6:20 pm):** maybe  
 **michael (6:21 pm):** ill do it  
 **jeremy (6:23 pm):** ive said it before ill say it again  
 **jeremy (6:23 pm):** he looks at you like you hung the damn moon  
 **michael (6:24 pm):** i love him so much

* * *

“Michael!” Rich squirmed passed people in the hall, clutching the report card to his chest - his last high school report card. He finally skidded to a halt in front of Michael’s locker, panting. “I got a B!”

“You got a B!” Michael’s head jerked up, nearly dropping his yearbook. They’d almost skipped the picnic but Michael had realized he left some things in the bottom of his locker. Now he was elated that he didn’t have to wait for them to mail the last report card.

“I’m above average!” He bounced a bit before Michael’s awkwardly scooped him up into his arms, careful not to drop the yearbook.

_‘I love you.’_

“Rich, you’re so much fucking better than the average.”

“You’re _so cheesy,_ you know?”

Rich squirmed out of his grip until his feet finally hit the floor but he pushed himself up on tiptoes to kiss him. Lips chapped as ever.

* * *

Even the summer heat couldn’t keep Rich away. They’d stripped to their boxers and he had curled up against Michael’s side. They practically stuck together but Rich ignored the groan from his boyfriend. July was fading into August and Michael was finally gaining some of his mobility back post surgery. It didn’t hurt to be curled up with Rich anymore and all his drain tubes were gone.

“You’re _so_ fucking pretty. _So_ fucking _handsome._ ” The words made Michael flush and he turned his head to the side, avoiding Rich’s gaze.

_‘I love you.’_

“I mean, you’ve _always_ been _handsome_ but I’m _so_ happy for you.” His fingertips brushed across Michael’s stomach.

_‘I love you.’_

“You’re.. _so strong_ and brave.. and everything. When we got court I _almost_ thought you might freak out and leave me hanging.” Rich’s fingers stilled before just splaying out. “You really _stood_ up there with me in front of everyone..I.”

There was a beat.

“I really _just_ can’t believe you _chose_ me out of all people.” He curled in a bit, a shakily smile crossing his lips. “I _still_ wonder why.”

_‘Because I love you.’_

“Huh?” Rich’s voice had never sounded so small.

Since when had he said anything?

Oh.

_Oh._

“Y-You do?”

“I, uh,” Michael swallowed thickly, wincing a bit. “I do.. I, yeah. I have for a while.”

The silence between them felt thick enough to cut into and tears sprung up in Michael’s eyes.

“Shit, I. Sorry? Is that okay, I..” He was cut off by the sound of Rich’s breath catching, he felt something wet hit his bicep. “Fuck, no, no. I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have I..”

“Michael,” there was a shuddering breath. “Michael I love you tho fucking much.”

Words weren’t going to get them any further so Michael turned his head so he could press chaste kisses against Rich’s lips. Their cheeks were damp with tears and their breaths were uneven, they couldn’t be bothered, though. All that mattered was each other.

A laugh broke from Michael and soon they collapsed against each other, wheezing out breathless laughs. It was okay. It really was okay.

* * *

 **jeremy (11:32 am):** told you so :p  
 **jeremy (11:33 am):** really though im so happy for you guys  
 **michael (11:35 am):** im happy for you and christine  
 **michael (11:35 am):** i cant believe shell be there too  
 **jeremy (11:36 am):** we can go on double dates  
 **michael (11:37 am):** hell yeah dude  
 **michael (11:37 am):** ily u jerbear  
 **michael (11:38 am):** its really good to have you back  
 **jeremy (11:39 am):** you too micah  
 **jeremy (11:40 am):** favowite pewson  
 **michael (11:40 am):** pew son  
 **jeremy (11:41 am):** how would you spell it??!!

* * *

“I can’t believe _this is_ all _ours_ now.” Rich flopped down onto the futon, neglecting the unpacked suitcase to his left.

“I can’t believe we have two beds.” Michael laughed, pushing his suitcase over to the corner by their dorm dressers before he let himself drop onto the futon next to his boyfriend. “And Jeremy’s going to be literally two rooms down.”

 **jeremy (3:22 pm):** my dad said he’ll take us all to dinner tonight  
 **jeremy (3:22 pm):** ill be there around five!  
 **michael (3:23 pm):** cant wait!

“I’m glad you _guys_ made up.” Rich turned, laying his legs over Michael’s lap. “I’m glad everything worked out for you.”

“I bet I’m more happy for you.” Michael reached his arm until he could hook it around Rich’s shoulder. “Despite everything you’re here. You really did it.”

There were tears starting up in Rich’s eyes, Michael would swear on it. Though, he couldn’t be _sure_ because he turned his head away with a short sniff. “You’re too fucking _nice_ to me, man.”

“Richie,” it was breathed out and he sat up, leaning in closer. “I love you, so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Mell. I really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats it!!! i am taking rich/michael, jer/michael, and probably tbh rich/michael/jer requests on tumblr, where im antpelts  
> keep an eye out in the coming week for more content, ive got ideas including but not limited to an expensive headphones au for the end of the fucking world


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